In 2013, the United Nations published a paper called, Edible insects: Future prospects for food and feed security. Since then, as climate-change hysteria has escalated and people have started talking, writing, and worrying about things like cow farts, meatless diets, and how climate change would kill cows, pigs, and sheep anyway, even if they didn’t fart, there has been increasing clamoring for bugs as a dietary staple.
As a result, and because fear-mongering progressive lunatics, pious nincompoops, and other public nuisances always end up eating their own (no pun intended), PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has spun off PETB (People for the Ethical Treatment of Bugs). The new acronym initially caused some indigestion (no pun intended) because PETB staffers claimed that, in relation to PETA, they felt like they were on the B team. But when it was pointed out that climate change would soon wipe out all animal life on Earth, the PETB team felt instantly better.
According to the PETB manifesto:
People for the Ethical Treatment of Bugs (PETB) will soon be the largest bug-rights organization in the world. PETB opposes speciesism, a human-supremacist, paternalistic, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, and generally hateful worldview that promotes the oppressive ideology that people have a right to eat, even bugs. PETB also works on a variety of other issues, including the cruel killing of ants, spiders, centipedes, cockroaches, fleas, and other insects that are often considered household pests, as well as cruelty to beetles, chiggers, stinkbugs, slugs, leeches, aphids, flies, ticks, mosquitos, and other insects that thrive on ruining gardens and torturing humans. PETB works through hysteria, propaganda, hyperbole, fabrication, legislation, insect rescue, special events, celebrity spokespeople, protest campaigns, and other forms of bullshit to protect the world’s insect population from human ingestion and everything else.
So far, the only PETB locations are in the tropical rainforests in Central and South America, western and central Africa, western India, Southeast Asia, the island of New Guinea, and Australia — and in San Francisco. But the organization plans to open offices in Berkeley and Los Angeles, California; Boulder, Colorado; Portland, Oregon; Seattle, Washington; Bridgeport, Connecticut; and Washington DC.
If you’d like to become a PETB volunteer, you’ll need to have a valid driver’s license, a pulse, and a lobotomy. If you’d like to donate to PETB, call 1-800-INSECTS. Operators are standing by on un-bugged lines. No pun intended.