By casting a wistful eye towards the day’s end when that time which I chided myself unceasingly about will have come for me. When the journey starts its ending you gaze at the clock that was the pages you brought into being with a laugh and tear buoyed by the rhythmic beating of your heart that creates that sound which seems to be saying perhaps it is time to say goodbye. In an overly awkward way that may very well be what I am trying to say.
You reach a critical time that requires the need to rectify what has gone both wrong and right. That is the introspective part of the process that you hope brings you to a definitive decision. One must know to understand that each endeavor you ride in upon may not lead to where your mind thought it could take you. Or could it be that where you wound up is where you were meant to dwell?
Incredibly enough a realistic plateau may appear in the form of a new light beaming down from above shining just bright enough to reinvigorate your dream. Perhaps though in your refusal to give up on your passion therein lays the inevitable conclusion you must move onward to embark on yet another foray where you are not sure it will lead or where you want it to lead you to. Nonetheless, the sands are at the bottom of the sand clock telling you it is your turn to turn it over again by starting anew.
Go where your hopes and dreams drift you towards where they need you to be in order for them to remove the crippling doubts, the overwhelming fear of having to give up while saying goodbye once more except this time with the finality this end deserves. The giving up led you to cross over a gleaming stream of water. Each particle of water was adjoined with another, yet another for you to bond you back to your soul.
Saying goodbye to what was never what you thought it would be is now a Hello to all things possible. Reach beyond the solemnness of your farewell while daring yourself to cast aside all the misguided notions you put before yourself never stopping to realize that path you proceeded onto was never meant to be upward. Such is the case with many trials you being your own jury led you to convict yourself of robbing the stamina born of the enthusiasm you so mistakenly felt.
Each brush stroke of your written words was painted on an easel with a canvas that could not hold those precious words that you magically transformed into a singular thought emanating from the crevices buried in the crevices of your mind. Was there another choice you could have elected for at that time? No! There really was only one choice but to affirm your zest was real.
You embraced the warmth of your new-found happiness. You took those feelings of warmth and spread them near, far and wide. Longing to hold onto these precious emotions encompassing joy and tranquility yet still with a sense of trepidation your new course was set. Would you come across parallels that went before your eyes from another time or era? Yes!
How or where did your feelings of inadequacy come into being? Inspired by this you forced yourself to make a choice. You coerced yourself into making choices you did not and do not need to make. Take a moment to consider the ramifications of your decision. You had to know that every endeavor you take on may not lead exactly to where you thought it would.
Dreams are what we hold onto. Dreams are what we are meant to keep. Your dream was seemingly stolen away by a harsh reality. Why instead of giving up and writing your goodbye speech do you not look to continue your journey on the same road you have been traveling on? No, you do not know where this journey you continue to embark on will lead you. It is possible somewhere in the middle of your travels you will discover what you once had as a dream is now your actual life.
Giving up was never a part of your stubborn demeanor. Yet here you are ready to walk out the door. It seems so right for you to do. It seems as if it is something you must do. The frustration you feel propels you to find a fitting end. A high new hurdle has been placed in front of you. Instead of exerting the energy to leap over that hurdle as you once used to do, the new solution you have arrived at is to just turn and walk away revealing yourself to be a broken man.
Then as you take the inevitable turn away you have already started to say your final set of goodbyes. Those who flew with you beneath your wings and are still clinging to the feathers that were your words soon will be gone perhaps forever. The canvas you were painting on now has begun to buckle. You are now leaning on posts that can no longer support you as they had always done. This provides you with the self-created feeling here is where the draft of the final surrender is being drawn.
The sand in the sand clock has all settled at the bottom meaning you can turn it over to start anew. You strain your eyes trying almost in vain to look at what there is behind the fog stained windows. Seemingly out of nowhere it dawns on you this is your new chance. You have arrived at a time when even amidst changes what used to breathe inside you can breathe again. Proceed warily if you must but do not let shadows of doubt stop you.
As you felt you no longer belong here it is time to put that notion behind you. In you does lay a distinct difference that dictates your style. Here is where it becomes clear being different in this environment creates the need to continue in that vein. Now as the hour leads you into the morning finality must come.
It was absurd to think about this being the end of what was an experience tailor that was tailor-made. Equally absurd was the believing it all had suddenly left you. What was there is still there? In the theater of the absurd nothing contained therein can be taken as true except for the above. What needs to be done before the curtain call is to rise above inner feelings trying to bring an end to this process.
To be unsure is to leave the door ajar putting forth an opportunity to revert back to thinking about ways to an end. It is precisely because of your prior thoughts of the end you now find yourself back to where you truly belong. The elevator will now start its ascent to the top.
Reading this a second time and it still touches my heart
Thank you, Larry
Simply beautiful! Your writing is exquisite! I will be re-reading this many more times.
Very emotional story Joel. Thank you for Sharing
Larry, Please allow me to express my gratitude to you for taking time to read my article. It is a pleasure to share it with readers like you. I am happy you decided to send along your feelings. I look forward to your continued readership in addition to your comments. Thank you again.
Thank you Joel for your kind words. It is a pleasure to read what you write.
Larry, Thank you so very much for your kind words. There is that extra inspiration a writer like me gets when he sees people are reading what they see before them that hopefully moves them to the point where they share their comments be they positive or negative.
Despair is the absence of hope, the inability to see ahead to a future that is worth to meet. Hope means just believe in a future of joy promised, is like receiving an advance of that joy and wanting to continue to get its fullness. It should be possible to leverage its own resources, and to find other ways to tell his own story to oneself, enlarging it, finding explanations and alternative viewpoints. If I change my story, I will change myself and also my vision of the future, and I can make room for hope.
So, for all that has been, for all that could have been, for all that will be, for all that has begun and for all that has just finished, smile, do not miss in the past and live.
Aldo, Despair in my estimation does not necessarily mean there is an absence of hope but rather there is a feeling that there is little hope or that nothing from a currently bad situation will change. Your comments are well put. I love the style you wrote them in. Thank you for taking the time to read my article in addition to responding as you did. I look forward to your continued readership.
When we get older, we are told to put away our childish things. When someone told me that I just smiled. I told him “I’m a manly man-child and proud of it.” Dreams, though part of our childhood, are what make us interesting and passionate adults.
Have you talked to someone who has no dreams, no passion, or vision? They just drive people away in droves.
Jane, Please allow me to extend my thanks to you for reading and commenting on my article. Hanging onto old reams is not necessarily bad. There is every chance one day your dream will come through. New dreams are always precious as they provide fresh hope as to what may lay ahead in the future. For many people fear can cripple their ability to say goodbye which in many situations can prove to be very difficult. My wish for you is that all of your dreams come true and your enjoyment of life becomes enhanced because of them. Thank you again for reading my article. I look forward to your continued readership. All my best.
I needed to read this today, Joel. For me the goodbye has nothing to do with fear, but more to do with reality that dreams I have been hanging onto were never meant to be. I need to grasp onto new dreams.