Gifting Myself

I gave myself a gift today.

My older son and I went to Japan over a year ago for his Make-a-wish trip. One of the things he chose as gifts for his friends was tenugui-handkerchief type fabrics that are long rectangular in shape, and are used for wrapping around the head, as a handkerchief, a napkin, for wrapping a gift, “anything and everything”, as Dominic says. I helped him pick out a few, and kept one in my draw for the past year and a half, waiting for the right time to give as a gift to… someone.

The other day, Dominic loaned me his tenugui to cover my eyes so I could sleep with a light on in the next room; he knows I need near-total darkness to get to sleep at night. It was then that I remembered the tenugui still wrapped neatly in the pretty paper from Japan, tucked into a gift wrap envelope with a dainty bow; the counter attendant at the store treated each individual tenugui that we bought in the same manner and I had one put away in my gift drawer, still folded as it was from the department store.

Why was I saving this? I had not bought one for myself after spending a week in Japan.

Today I gave this one to myself.

Something else I was saving was a nightshirt. It’s black, and I think quite pretty. Yes, I was “saving” a nightshirt. I was not saving it as a gift to give away to someone, but a different kind of gift. I may someday be married, and I want something new, and pretty, and…. romantic…. This nightshirt is nothing that would embarrass a family member, but it makes me feel pretty.

So, I kept this in the back of my closet for ‘someday.’

I could find the man of my dreams next week, or someone I already know might be my Prince Charming. Or, I  could get hit by a bus tomorrow and the nightshirt will get tossed in a bag and donated to a woman’s shelter without me ever wearing it. ‘Someday’ might come, and it might not.

This weekend I’m going away with a girlfriend and each of us taking one daughter. It’s a working weekend for her, but it’s a getaway still for both of us. I am packing the nightshirt-for myself. Romance starts in one’s own heart, and this weekend I decided that waiting to feel pretty for someone else makes about as much sense as going to Japan, buying a stack of the most popular and practical souvenir the country offers, and not keeping one for myself.