Communication is a critical key to finding job satisfaction within the strain of relationships with co-workers, superiors and even self-talk. Not feeling heard or understood can damper the value we put on our skills, expertise, and knowledge.
Francis, my most recent mentee, was feeling stuck wanting to change his life, career and communications, as well as, bring a new partner into his life. He has a current practice of study and meditation to gain broader perspectives for positive change. Some of the goals he has for the next 3-5 years include happiness, more learning, teaching, love, and trust, as well as life/work balance.
One of the major things that Eileen helped me to see was that my perceptions and reactions are within my control. In communicating with co-workers and management, I might sense an air of anger or frustration, but I did not have to let their comments affect me or my continuing to do my job. She allowed me to see that within myself, there was something that was triggered from my past that actually did elicit those emotions. However, the main solution to that is to bring my focus and perceptions forward. By examining the reaction from where I am, not where I was, I am able to see and control whatever I feel and thus learn the lesson that I was being taught then, and apply it to the here and now. In this way, I saw there was nothing that I really can take away from focusing on the negative emotions, but I can benefit by using that energy to keep going forward.
Francis is in the IT world, which he often finds constraining and restricted. He has extensive background and training but has struggled with finding the right fit for both his intellectual aptitude and his ability to be happy. Thoughts about his change in career revolve around focusing on Artificial Intelligence, Data Science, and Data Analysis. He would like to apply these to think tank caliber, cutting edge issues. Rather than be an implementer, Francis prefers to be a conceptualizer, visualizer, and planner.
He shared how he envisions his position. The job responsibility would entail Francis giving the scope of the cutting-edge ideas, show people how they will benefit from them, let the ideas flow and give it to others to implement. This would change his ability to positively influence people he works with and/or who he leads. Alleviating his dissatisfaction with too much workload, little upper management support for empowerment, and communication friction, Francis has a goal to redirect his thinking, actions, and results for success.
On the same page of communication, many times I have had to repeat myself when trying to get others to do their part, which is essential to my job. In the past, having to repeat myself over and over was a source of severe aggravation. I could not understand why the other person did not understand what I was saying, even though to me it was crystal clear. Eileen helped me realize something very obvious, which was clouded by frustration. I now realize not everyone thinks like I do and others hear, perceive and take in things according to their own filters. Although I may not recognize others do not understand what I am trying to convey, it is up to me to change how I deliver my message and communication style in order to be understood. It was also said by Einstein; that to continue to do the same thing the same way, produces the same results. By re-wording and or reframing what I actually say, in their language, I would be better able to allow them to understand what I am trying to convey. Eileen showed me how much more effective using this key technique is to obtain what I needed and being able to move forward in my career.
As we began to explore the core of Francis’s frustration, the underlying values he has for himself and expectations of what he receives in return from others at work, we learned that he likes to be challenged. The difficulty in wanting a challenge is having clarity in action steps to take when the opportunity arises. The further we went into the layers behind the frustration, the clearer he became in discovering his truths. Francis likes to teach and prefers this over grunt work as done in the IT world. He seeks to engage his brain in a more expansive way, which becomes more like a diamond than a tire going bald. Feeling like he is being worn away, bit by bit, is leaving him mentally, emotionally and physically drained. To balance the two, he came up with the idea of creating his own think tank in which he can help others think in advanced ways. This will be an ongoing project for him to work on.
An ah, ha Francis experienced was realizing he agreed with everything we discussed. For him, it is doing things in a way that it is actually happening, instead of feeling disappointed again. He felt a shift had happened during the mentoring session allowing him to refocus and redirect his thinking, feeling more empowered and the ability to communicate with others in a more effective way.
Summing up the insights of Eileen’s wisdom is the fact that every person sees the same situation in a different way. Being right, or getting angry that someone cannot understand what I was trying to say or accomplish was not the most important thing in the interaction, nor was it even necessary. The main focus of any interaction is to impart information and all other emotions are secondary and even of lower consideration. Sure, one can examine our own internal, and/or the other’s attitudes, but to use a different method, to have your point seen clearly, there will be no time for this wasted energy because you will be too busy progressing, and that is all that is important.
Sometimes our discomfort in life and/or work is not about the other people, it reflects inner turmoil rooted in frustration, anger, unfairness, and feelings of being misunderstood. Francis now has more clarity about blame, it is about the actual solution in one’s message, whereby the message is more important than right or wrong. Identifying what’s important and how to create the necessary changes starting from within, can lead to new discoveries about what it takes to have a fulfilling life.
Transitions are the hallmark of growth or the preparation for growth and change. Many people fear this period, but it is the gateway to a better, more fulfilled life. To more efficiently and fully complete the process it is best to have a coach in your corner and my choice, hands down, is Eileen Bild. I have had more than two decades in the IT industry and realized that I am not happy and need a change. Eileen provided me with the tools of insight into my motivations, a concrete plan for achieving my goals, improving my communication skills and putting them all together in a program that was informative, as well as, an enjoyable experience. If anyone at all is prepared to take you to the next level, it is Eileen Bild.
Are you in need of complimentary professional guidance? Follow Francis’ lead and visit our @BIZMENTORING 360° Page to submit your MasterMinding Request!