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From Submerged to Emerged: A Past Life, Godzilla’s Hand, and a Soul Calling

I’ve known for a long time that I would be stepping out onto a bigger stage. My first book, The Evolutionary Empath, hits shelves in just a few short weeks (at the time of this writing) and my dreams are rapidly becoming reality. As I’ve engaged intensely in my marketing and promotion activities, I’ve had to face multiple demons around being seen, deservedness, and losing myself in the overwhelm. Oh, let me just say it a little more bluntly…shit is getting real, really fast!

For anyone who has been on the precipice of fame, asked to fill big shoes, or called forward by their soul in a major way, you know what I’m talking about.

It creates a period of intense accelerated growth. Simultaneously you are swirling in exhilaration and terror, vacillating between high-inducing confidence and heart-crippling doubt. I’ve described it as Spirit giving me a crash course in holding a bigger container for myself. As a result, I’ve had to increase my energy clearing and grounding practices, be militant with my self-care, and I’ve done so much deep breathing you’d think I was in labor. Well, in a way, I have been ?.

But recently, something triggered me that I could not work through. In retrospect, I can see how it was building. In addition to the marketing efforts of my publisher, I also hired a conscious marketing company to help me knock this book launch out of the park. My coach encouraged me to do things like increase my social media presence, create a weekly blog, and build a 12-episode podcast. Though nervous, I was happy to do them all.

First, when I built my Facebook business page and increased my social media presence, I felt a hitch in my chest. A bit of apprehension. But I applied my healing practices, worked through it and was able to move on.

Then, when I started scripting and recording my podcasts (they are created in advance), that hitch in my chest grew more prominent. Apprehension became resistance and fear. But again, I worked my tools, talked to the scared parts, and was able to move past it.

Then, my podcast launched. And I was launched, too…into absolute panic. Forget apprehension or resistance. I was in terror. It was all I could do to be even remotely functional or productive. The first episode launched on a Monday and all week I could hardly catch my breath. I came up against something that many of us healers and coaches eventually face: you can only facilitate yourself through so much.

By Thursday, I was locked down. My throat and chest felt like Godzilla’s hand had reached in, clutched my windpipe, and welded itself permanently in place. My extensive toolbox seemed profoundly deficient. When I get this way, I know I have to reach out to a colleague to facilitate me. My spirit guides showed me what technique and who, so I contacted my friend for an emergency session that afternoon.

I had been choking back tears and bedlam all week. As soon as he established the container of our session and I knew I didn’t have to facilitate myself, my emotions could no longer be contained. He asked me where in my body I was feeling the sensation and I pointed to my chest and throat as suddenly, I could no longer speak. He encouraged me to fully feel the energies. That was all it took.

The floodgates broke and I immediately went into an altered state, traveling back to a past lifetime where I was drowned for speaking out. As my body viscerally recalled that former death, I physically began sputtering, gasping, screaming, crying and choking. I was reliving the drowning in every way. Yet at the same time, I knew this enactment was clearing the cellular memory from my body and the karmic pattern from my soul. This went on for several minutes until I heard a faint voice calling me back.

My colleague had a challenging time getting me to return to present consciousness. I still couldn’t speak. He walked me through reconnecting my chakras to the earth plane and grounding my energy. At some point, I became aware of the fact that I was death-gripping my desk (we were on Zoom) as though if I let go of the desk, my spirit would float away for good. It took a long time to release my hold.

When I was finally capable, our next step was to “dial-up” my past life self and have a conversation with her. She came online instantly, and I immediately knew why my spirit guides led me to this colleague. He looked like one of the men who drowned me. As soon as I felt her inhabit my body, she had a harsh response to his countenance. Gratefully, she was still willing to be interviewed.

____________________

It was the late 1700’s in Massachusetts, and she lived in a colony descended from the Puritans. Her name was Rebekah. From a young age, she never understood the strict rules placed on men and women and their roles. She wanted to express herself. She was opinionated and curious. She didn’t want to do just “girl things.” She wanted to listen to the men talk, to participate in debate, to ask questions, to have the freedom they seemed to have. Despite her parents’ rigorous efforts, they could not mold her into a proper young lady.

As she aged, she began to feel the scorn of everyone around her more acutely. Not only were her parents embarrassed by her, but she was also blasted with contempt, judgment and utter disdain by her community and church. Which in turn put more pressure on her parents, which cascaded down to her.

Yet, in secluded alleys, dark corners and backwoods, many men in the community pursued her. She was wild and untamed, passionate and attractive. Secretly men coveted her, but in the light of day, they were stiff, principled, married men and churchgoers. She always fought them off.

Until she couldn’t.

One night she found herself being hounded by about a half dozen men. Drunk, sexually frustrated, and angry at her many previous rebuttals, they decided it was time for her to give what was rightfully theirs to take. She fought them valiantly, not letting a single man penetrate her. But their fervor changed and twisted into a group mind. No longer were they interested in raping her. They were so enraged at her defiance that it simply became about ending her. They drowned her in a cold pond. It was November. She was 22.

____________________

As all of this information came through, the reason for my anxiety and panic, the inability to catch my breath, the tightness in my throat and chest, all became crystal clear. My spirit guides gave me a mental diagram that explained the phenomenon I had been experiencing in my business. As long as I stayed below a certain bar – only so many students in a workshop, only so many subscribers to my newsletter, etc. – then I stayed under the radar. Social media wandered dangerously close to this upper limit. The podcast went screaming past it. The cellular memory of this past life was triggered, came violently online, and threatened to drown me all over again.

This story has many morals: Not all fear is in your head; ask for help; the body stores physical memories from other lifetimes; don’t be afraid to face your demons. But my purpose in sharing this very personal journey is to let other people know: you’re not alone.

Past lives really do affect current life.

Stepping out onto a bigger stage really does call any fear of being seen or heard out onto the carpet…and how.

Facing your demons and going to that scary place really does help you heal and transform.

And no matter how talented, experienced, scrappy or famous you are, the next octave will always cause you to doubt yourself and make your intestines liquefy.

Living life as a conscious human, heeding the call of your soul, and trusting the wisdom of the Universe is not for the faint of heart. If you hear your soul beckoning you forward, but something is holding you back, don’t turn and run. Whatever your Godzilla’s hand is, lean into it. Yes, really. Call on your support system and go there.

The only way through is through.

And what awaits on the other side is a level of confidence, clarity, surety, joy, and groundedness you could never predict.

Rev. Stephanie Red Feather, Ph.D.
Rev. Stephanie Red Feather, Ph.D.https://www.bluestartemple.org/
Rev. Stephanie Red Feather, Ph.D. is the author of The Evolutionary Empath: A Practical Guide for Heart-Centered Consciousness. As an ordained shamanic minister, her passion is to help fellow empaths embrace their soul’s calling to evolve humanity to the next stage of consciousness. Stephanie is the founder of Blue Star Temple where she has led experiential workshops, initiatory processes, and private facilitation since 2007. Through specific focus on embodiment, masculine-feminine balance, boundaries, energy hygiene practices, shadow work, radical self-care, and inner authority, Stephanie holds space for spiritual seekers to remember their divine nature and heal their human wounds. Stephanie is dedicated to providing a wide variety of tools, resources, and products to help empaths thrive in the world. Click here to check out her articles, video home study programs, workbooks, meditations, and podcasts, and be sure to download your free Evolutionary Empath Activation Manual. Stephanie is a contributing author to the inspiring book Chaos to Clarity: Sacred Stories of Transformational Change.

14 COMMENTS

  1. Rev. Stephanie Red Feather welcome to the BIZCAT Family. We are so glad you are here. Your story is profound and the fact that you were willing to bare your soul and share it here, with your new family, is part of your healing manifesting in this life-time. My hat off to you. I too believe our past lives have an effect on our present one. Just as science is proving body parts shared between people carry memories from previous owners, we also have Soul Memories. Our soul/spirit remembers the trauma, joy, lessons, and people from our previous lives. I invite you to share your articles on the FB pg Women of Facebook Create for the Weekend Blog Share where it will be read, commented and shared on the social media pages of the other members. I am one of the admins and will watch for your request to join. Dennis and some of your new family members here will be there, too. With your permission, I will share your article on the page, if Dennis, the only honorary male in the group, does not beat me to it. LOL! Again, so good to have you here Stephanie and I look forward to reading more of your amazing work.

  2. Powerful, profound, honest, vulnerable, and courageous, Stephanie! I know past lives can live in the muscle/DNA memory of our current 2019 bodies-I have healthy skepticism, yet, when past lives of mine have been identified-wow, I experience a whole new level of compassion and freedom. Thank you for doing your brave work! Thank you for stepping up, rising to a larger platform to be seen, heard, valued. How great that you reached out for support! Your many messages ring true, meaningful, and valuable. You are designed to shine, to be fully alive-free of all past lives-as you transform-you live boldly-wholeheartedly vulnerable and brave as an inspiration to all of us! I’m so grateful for you-this story, your writing. I would love a copy of your book!

  3. Great story thank you for sharing. I too was very hesitant to go full out with social media. Your story is a strong encouragement for those that are hesitant. Step into the void and trust that you will land on solid ground

  4. Thank you for your clear story that I think most feel but cannot explain in their lives. Your vulnerability does inspire me and I am sure others. Thank you for being and speaking. I wish you every success and am sharing your story on my business Facebook page. I know it will speak to many who are bumping their heads against whatever glass ceiling thats in their path. Your story inspires.

  5. Stephanie, loved your story and your approach to working through the challenges that come with moving into the next highest octave. I had simialr, yet different, experiences when I wrote and published my first book and went into promotion mode. It is interesting how when you know what you know and you are compelled to share it, the doubts that are anchored in limiting beliefs become the invisible chains that bind us. It is in releasing oneself from these invisible chains that we are freed from our self-imposed prison. You obviously freed yourself and are on your way to becoming a best selling author. All the best with your book launch.

    • Jim, I so appreciate your support and sharing. Thank you. Though I know it intellectually, it is always comforting to hear that I am not the only one who faces these kinds of challenges. Especially from a fellow author. I have found myself recently repeating the phrase, “You can only prepare so much ahead of time and at some point it just becomes on the job training.” That’s what it’s been like lately. I just deal with each challenge or fear or resistance or overwhelm as it comes up, trusting my tools and trusting that the Universe would not give me something I could not handle. Blessings to you

      • When I was going through my process of writing I asked for guidance during the early morning hourse that I call, “immersed in the silence of the dawn.” I asked why I was having the thoughts and experiences I was having. I was immediately given,” you wouldn’t be inspired to do something if it wasn’t intended to be.” This became a major theme in my book, The Key to LIFE; Living in full expression. It helped me move through the doubt because I was certainly inspired so therefore it was intended. Who was I to get in the way and deny this message that desired to expressed through me and as me?

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