Maybe frustration is prevalent for you just now, whether you’re isolated at home with ‘loved’ ones (they might not look so loved sometimes) or whether you’re in the frontline with customers or patients not keeping safe distances, high absence levels, supply chains slowed up or equipment not available. Have a read and see what occurs to you.
This is my client’s story, she gave me permission to share. She’s a Sales Director and we’ve been working together for a few months. By this point in our work, she’d had some significant insights into the constant truths of where our experience is really coming from and who we really are, and this was an exploration that uncovered more.
It started with an email from a colleague that made her fizz with frustration — or at least that’s what it looked like at the time.
She didn’t reply. She recognised the fizzing — this was her first realisation. Fresh in-the-moment thinking—‘don’t reply right now’.
But she still felt caught-up, stories whizzing around her mind and being believed about ‘this person — again, always this person, how can they be so frustrating, why have they sent this email??’. Immediately the email became a fixed and definite problem, the other person a fixed and definite ‘always frustrating’ person.
It feels like it’s true because it feels so real. But it’s not true. We’ve been taught as children that if we feel frustrated, look to the outside world to find the cause. But there was never a cause. We’ve learnt to correlate. We’ve been taught to blame these feelings on something out there. By now we’ve practiced so much that the correlation is instantaneous and the stories get believed immediately. To make it a really convincing 4D production, even the voice in our heads is perfectly edited in to say ‘yes, you’re right, it’s them again’.
What’s really true is that the fizzing feelings are a wake-up mechanism to the fact we’re lost in a story, out of alignment with who we really are, out of connection with life. Caught up in the Content of the story.
The only thing our feelings can tell us about is our thinking, they have no idea about the outside world — why else would we have scared feelings about a virus when we’re safe and well in our home?
Thankfully our default setting is to have fresh thinking, realisations, and insights and so, in that moment, the chink of light was there to not send the email. But the same Programming (that which created the fizzing) still went to work trying to solve it. ‘How do I fix this, change this, change them??’. Fundamentally in this, we’re asking, ‘how do I make myself feel OK again?’ — but we’re coming at it from a misunderstanding that it was the email and the person that caused the uncomfortable feelings in the first place.
We cannot solve our problems from the same level of thinking that created them
When we’re trying to solve an imagined problem with the very conceptual imagination that created it, it’s like a dog chasing its tail. Endless.
In truth, change happens through realisation. We’ve just not been looking towards that and instead have kept relying on the conceptual mind’s stories — those limited ones that spend their time playing a game of ‘match’, those same ones which created the fizzing in the first place.
And we’re not in control of when realisation comes. I see it in my kids; in their respective beliefs that they’re right, it’s like two brick walls banging into each other, both so fixed and definite in their story. Until eventually one of them breaks with lashing out, or tears. And that’s OK. That’s the design of the system that eventually wakes us up. Getting so far out of alignment that a valve flicks open to release us back into connection, and relief.
Most of us would prefer to not get to that stage, but that’s just a human-constructed preference, so sometimes we do get to that point, we’ve all done it, and the system always brings us back. What’s available for us now though is to look to what’s really going on because, when we see the workings of the system for ourselves, it happens less as we find ourselves lost in confusion less of the time.
So anyway, back to my client.
That evening she went for a run. She finds it a useful time to just let her mind wander. She dropped back into the quiet before thought, into innate brilliance. The space of nothingness from which fresh thinking, realisation, insight, and ideas spring. The email came to mind, and suddenly she was laughing about it. The illusion had popped. What had looked so compelling and terrible and fixed and definite in the moment, now looked like no big deal, and with multiple possible responses to it.
“How had I made such a big deal out of that?”.
Of course ‘she’ hadn’t ‘done’ that. The conceptual mind is not who we are.
It’s a program running that we didn’t choose the programming of, and we don’t control what it pattern-matches to a particular situation. And we don’t need to. In fact, the less we try, the nicer our experience becomes, as we uncover the very thing the conceptual mind has been scrambling around to find. What it’s been inadvertently covering up in its dust-kicking scramble.
Instead, the more we look to what’s innate, the more we look to what’s true, then the more the stories programmed into the conceptual mind get dissolved or left to run, and with ease. No effort needed from us to ‘do’ that.
Truth is never found in the conceptual mind.
Truth is found by looking to what’s constant, ever-present and reliable. By looking to our default settings.
So look towards the fact you have realisations, fresh thinking, and ideas — from nowhere.
Look to the fact you always return to OK from a state of upset.
Look to the fact it was never the outside world causing you to feel anything.
With love, Helen