Forgiveness has been on my mind as of late. I think, on occasion, we are all having to reach into a dusty corner to find it, especially these days. We are all frayed around the edges, frazzled in our core, and frankly just a little bloody sick of the whole isolation thing. But we also have been given this gift of time and well…with time…we spend it reflecting on our lives. We think about our species, the planet, culture and social issues, and of course, the regrets and joys of our own lives.
We reflect on what wrongs we have committed and what wrongs have been committed to us and we seek to forgive.
But forgiveness, despite what you may have read, is certainly not something you can polish up and pin to your shirt. It is not a badge only the enlightened and woke wear.
It’s something laboured over, it’s something we grind and mould and digest. It’s something we need to conjure from the places we have refused to go. Bravely, we can step into it. We walk through the rawness of this dimly lit place. We use our ego as our torchlight and dive deeper into what it means to forgive.
And frankly..sometimes…it’s just not there. Forgiveness isn’t something you can just think and therefore it is so. Forgiveness has to be found in that labour, in the grind, in the pit of your stomach. So if you can actually admit you don’t forgive- bravo… Because you know what? Some shit sucks and will always suck. No amount of time will help you forgive, no matter what you have become because of it and no amount of enlightenment can make it go away.
Sitting with that idea is where the big juicy work actually begins. Admitting you cannot forgive, means you have stopped trying to trick yourself into believing you are above it. It means you are just being you, all angry and resentful and protective. It means you have started…
You have begun your journey with resolution.
Imagine, you are sitting with all your hurt,
you are sitting with your anger
and heart brokenness.
You are not trying to clamour over it to find the light,
but you are sitting there in your dark corner,
Acknowledging your true self, for who you are.
Sit there…until you are lucid and comfortable.
Sit there warming yourself on the fire of false beliefs
feel your body wrap around your broken heart.
Feeling yourself nurture the hurt,
the pain and anger of it all.
Lick the wounds of your deceit
Bath it in milk and honey
Honor all that you are
And you will rise
Not forgetting and moving on but
with a resolved heart
A knowing that you are whole In all that you are,
not just your optimism and light
But with the tender and beautiful dark bits too.
Resolution is healing when forgiveness cannot be found.
Resolution is accepting all of your feelings
Resolution is forgiving yourself for not forgiving