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Forgiveness = Happiness

One of our mistakes in life is living in the past and replaying again and again and again the unfair and painful actions we had to endure and could do nothing about. We cannot swallow what they said or did to us. Every time we think about it, our heart hurts.

Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It is understandably hard to forgive and forget. But unless you let those roadblocks go, you cannot live in the now, or focus on your future.

Using your time and energy on thinking about this negative experience is not productive or beneficial. Though thinking about what has happened in detail, once and for all, accepting the anger and disappointment it makes you feel, would be the first step to forgive. As you would need to pinpoint the event that caused these negative feelings in the first place.

Also, in a situation that involves two or more parties, one party could never be 100% at fault. Therefore; you also need to understand and accept your contribution to what happened, and start with forgiving yourself first. Then forgive the other party or parties who played a role in the whole thing. When you say to yourself; “I forgive —————– for his/her negative actions that hurt me for a long time. I send him/her positive energy and wish him/her all the best”, you will feel lighter and unburdened.

It will literally feel like a weight is off your shoulders. You will feel free and happy. Furthermore, you will have more room in your conscience to think about now and the future. So, do yourself a favor and forgive both yourself and others and move on with your life. Please…

Ipek Williamson
Ipek Williamsonhttps://ipekwilliamsoncoaching.com/
The knowledge and wisdom, that I’ve accumulated, transformed me into; an Insight Coach, a Blogger, and an Active “Listener” with an ear for anyone who needs to be heard, passion to help, anyone, and any relationship that needs healing and improvement. Especially the relationship with ones’ self. The person that I am today is also the product of my 20 years of experience as an Executive Assistant for the top managers of several companies. I am the culmination of life experiences as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and colleague. I am also an avid reader and a lifelong learner. Life takes us to places that we don’t expect to end up, but always with a purpose. Last few years, I have made my goal to make my life better, to become happier and healthier. That goal triggered a desire to learn and share anything and everything that helps to make others happy too. Life is beautiful, and we all deserve to live it to the fullest, that’s why I’m here, to touch the lives of as many people as possible, one beautiful soul at a time, and help them to become the best version of themselves

13 COMMENTS

  1. Ipek, yes. Forgiveness also equals peace. And sometimes a restart for a conversation or a relationship.

    We are not perfect as human beings. Therefore forgiveness is also compassion for ourselves and for others.

    Allowing for realistic expectations! Including that some people are dangerous and to be avoided…

    blessings,
    Cynthia

  2. Hi Ipek,
    Thank you for your beautiful piece.
    There are so many teachings out there on the How-question.
    It is so important to find what suits and works for every person and to work on it.
    The message you are sharing is indeed so important, that life is to short to live with it.
    Doing the work and moving on in life is indeed what counts.
    I am in peace by doing the work needed and implementing it in my life.
    Thank for bringing more awareness.

    • Thank you for your comment, Ineke. Indeed, everyone has their own perspective and style of working out things. But, as you say; doing the work and moving on in life is what counts. I am happy to see that you are in piece. And I with your positive attitude, you will keep having that attitude all along the way.

  3. Your words brought up several different scenarios.
    One is that we forgive an offense that the other party may not have intended as an offense or that only we remember. We do it for the reasons you describe, Ipek, that it is one less thing to carry around; never forgetting that we are probably the only person doing any carrying if the other person is clueless about the offense.

    The other is that we are asked for forgiveness because the other party has realized or been made aware that whatever happened was hurtful.
    Here intent matters. If the other person intended to hurt you but wants forgiveness because they don’t want to carry the burden of bad conscience or of a bad reputation or it is expected or…
    This situation differs very much from if the other person intended to hurt but truly has seen the error of their way and has since changed.

    And these situations differ again from the person who had no bad intent but was clueless or read the situation wrong or for whatever reason f…ed up.

    Many words have been used to describe a solid apology – and those that don’t hold water: apologies that are for saving face but do nothing to repair the relationship or recognize the impact of the action. These apologies perpetuate the pain because they appear intended to make you look bad if you don’t immediately let the other party back into your good book.

    While I can understand that forgiving still means that you can put the incident away and not waste any more of your energy on holding a grudge, when do we cross the line where unethical behavior is allowed to run rampant hurting other people because perpetrators are not held accountable for bad behavior?

  4. Ipek — Psychologist Rosamund Stone Zander included an activity in her wonderful book, PATHWAYS TO POSSIBILITIES, called “Let go.” You could have written the section for her. Like Laura, I have struggled at times to “Let go.” One trick that helps me snap out of it is to recall the fable of the two priests and the nun at river’s edge. Do you know it?

    Thanks for your strong message here.

  5. There is something very freeing in forgiving and letting go, or at least that is what I’ve come to find over the years. There was a time, however, when I held resentment in my heart, and I know now that it made for an unhealthy space in my life. So, after much reflection and work, I had to let it go and realize that I couldn’t change the circumstances or the people. But I could establish boundaries for myself, and it has made such a difference in my life.

    It takes up too much negative space and energy to hang on to that which doesn’t fulfill us or bring us happiness. And frankly life is too short to be caught in that cage. Do I forget this from time to time? Yes. However, I am thankful that I’m able to turn it around and get back on track.

    Thanks for sharing your insight with us, Ipek. This one resonates for sure.

    • Dearest Laura, I very much appreciate your candid comment and openness about your own experience with resentment and forgiveness. It’s a great contribution that adds value to what I tried to convey with my article. I agree with all you’ve said completely. Life is too short to hang on to grudges and resentments. Forgive, forget and move on. Open up yourself for goodness and good people and they will appear in your life. Thank you for being you and sharing your light with us.

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