Finding Our True Balance

Looking inward

If we continue looking to others to receive the energy balance we crave, we continue to feel like a victim when those people are unable to give us what we need. When we remember that it is our job to make ourselves feel good, not someone else’s job, we can find ways to take care of ourselves and can always get what we want if we are not attached to how it happens. If I want the hedges clipped, but my husband has not had the time yet to get the hedge clipper fixed or replaced yet, I don’t have to wait for him to take care of it. And continue being frustrated each time I walk by the hedges and get wet from the extra growth. I can decide what I want and either go get a new cord or hedge clipper, ask a neighbor to borrow theirs, or pay the person that mows my lawn to take care of it for me. I have choices. Choices that allow me to shift the energy balance for myself. Instead of waiting for someone else to give me what I want, I can give to myself so I can stay in balance and not give my energy away to situations where it’s not necessary.

Balancing through the unexpected

While it’s easier to maintain the balance when life goes as planned, many giving situations happen unexpectedly in our lives and can tip the scales for us when we don’t adjust our level of receiving in other areas to balance the energy out. A sick parent, child or pet can demand most of our giving energy and absorb the time and attention we would usually give to ourselves. A job or work situation that has us feel bad about ourselves or the world can take much of our giving energy – even if we are paid well for our efforts. A disrupted home situation can make it hard to tend to our most basic needs including privacy. The allure of potential future fulfillment can keep us working too many hours while ignoring our body and our families, which both need our attention now to stay in good order. Any of these can create a higher than normal energy imbalance between giving and receiving. Sometimes this intense level of imbalance can lead to health challenges – forcing us to receive from others without feeling like we are at choice.

How do we intentionally find the balance?

When we need to pour out a large amount of giving energy into unexpected situations, that is the time we need to find ways to increase the amount of receiving energy we are getting even more. That may mean canceling appointments and using that time to refresh and recharge until the unexpected situation has settled down. It’s important to be clear about what is and isn’t our responsibility so that we reduce the drama in our lives and allow others to have the experiences (and consequences) they require in order to get the lessons meant for them. When we let others have their own experiences, and we tend to our own experiences instead of theirs, we can enjoy and maintain a stable energy balance in our lives much more effectively.

To keep our energy in balance, regardless of circumstances, our job is to notice what drains or refreshes our energy and decide to pay attention to the balance.

Here is a short list from me to jump-start your own exploration:

Now you give it a try – what goes into these boxes for you?

Ready to shift the balance in your own life?

Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
WENDY is passionate about enabling individuals, organizations and communities to value themselves and each other in the ongoing process of change. Wendy has guided hundreds of individuals and over 750+ public and private sector organizations to achieve tangible increases in impact and performance. Her successful practice in mentoring and coaching has led to authorship of the book, ‘Live a Life You Love and Make a Living Doing It’. Over the last 30 years, Wendy’s skills have been honed in leadership roles at MTV Networks, The Rensselaerville Institute, and a variety of community based projects in her town. In 2015 she launched BeliefWorks and offers Belief Coaching as a way to address the root cause of what limits the results we can achieve both personally and professionally. This is an 'upstream' solution to change. Instead of changing limiting behavior, she focuses on changing the limiting beliefs that drive that behavior. In all cases, her clients and partners speak to the specific increases in achievement that her consulting, coaching and partnership roles make possible.


  1. First, Wendy, thank you for including the chart at the conclusion of your article. It’s a good resource as I apply the principles of what I can try. I totally followed your train of thought and could identify with your descriptions and experiences. I have never used the word energy as a foundation for balance in my life. This was a new concept for me and one that I will use to check in on myself daily or sometimes moment to moment.

    • I’m so glad it was helpful Jane. I’m working on using the same technique myself! I love to hear how it ends up working out for you as you put it into motion. Thanks again for sharing.

  2. Wendy I love this. I have four dogs I have to walk every morning before I do anything. For a while I felt like I was losing 45 minutes a day of my time. As time passed I realized how the walk set the tone for the day for them. They loved to walk and it really makes them happy and after a while their joy started rubbing off on me. I found myself looking forward to the walk and if I missed a day because of weather I felt a little less me. So what initially felt like a lose of time for me became something that is always a high point in my day. Great Article thank you.



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