Do you believe that our emotions are a problem? Perhaps you learned to shove them down, hide them, fake them, numb them out, rise above them or ignore them.
Many of us learned that ‘only babies cry’, ‘it’s time to man up’, ‘Christians don’t get angry’, ‘you’ll get something to cry about if you keep it up’, ‘don’t take it personally’, or ‘words will never hurt us’. Maybe you were manipulated by a parent’s out of control emotions and could only feel relief when they calmed down or left the house. Regardless of how, at some point, we learned to believe that emotions are a problem. NOT to be shared, indulged in, felt or even acknowledged. Especially in the business world.
What if our emotions are a critical guidance system, just like our other senses? Just like smell, taste, and touch, emotions allow us to feel when things are OK or not OK. They tell us what to move closer to or further away from.
Take anger for instance. Many of us fear our anger or the anger of others. What if anger was simply a messenger? The message is that we are not getting something we want, or we are getting something we don’t want. Good information don’t you think?
Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions is unfamiliar so we fear them, we resist them, we shove them down instead or dump them on someone else in our discomfort. Responsibly expressing those emotions is a completely different experience. Very few of us were taught how to express our emotions in healthy and responsible ways, yet it is a natural ability we all have as humans. Watch a small child that gets a boo-boo at the playground. If we simply hold the child, being present while they cry and talk about what happened, without us trying to change it or fix it, the emotions quickly move through and then it’s over. Most children simply move on to the next experience once the emotions have been naturally and quickly expressed.
When we got a boo-boo as children, many of us were told things like; ‘you are OK’, ‘big boys don’t cry’ ‘no need to be upset’, etc. As a result, we had our natural expression blocked as children and now have unexpressed emotions built up inside that can get triggered at the slightest word. No wonder we are often unwilling to feel. With years of unexpressed emotions hiding just beneath the surface, our wounded child inside is terrified to feel it all. It was too painful then, it could be even worse now.
My husband learned that crying was for weaklings (his father was a Marine), and didn’t cry for 30 years! Now that he sees the value of his emotions, and has done the work to empty out the stored up reservoir from the past, he cries all the time when so moved. Cries for sad, cries for happy, it’s a beautiful thing to respond so authentically to life.
The quantum field responds to our feelings. Our feelings are generated by our thoughts. When our thoughts are in alignment with who we really are (loving, compassionate, generous, unique, eager, etc.), we feel good. When our thoughts are out of alignment (not enough, not OK, not mattering, etc.), we feel bad. Our emotions are an indicator of our inner alignment. Expressing our emotions allows them to move through us and what arises just behind them are the new thoughts that we are reaching for to feel better. When I fully expressed my anger and disgust at feeling controlled and criticized by those I held in authority in my life, my old belief about not being good enough transformed completely. I realized that I’m fine just the way I am and no one has a right to put me down or control my actions just to make themselves feel better (mother, boyfriends, bosses). This new belief feels so much better and have given me a wonderful guidance system in my relationships with myself and those I see ‘in authority’.
Emotions are our friends and a powerful guidance system and healing vehicle when used as such.
What emotions are you willing to feel today?