Emotions Are Our Friends

Do you believe that our emotions are a problem? Perhaps you learned to shove them down, hide them, fake them, numb them out, rise above them or ignore them.

Many of us learned that ‘only babies cry’, ‘it’s time to man up’, ‘Christians don’t get angry’, ‘you’ll get something to cry about if you keep it up’, ‘don’t take it personally’, or ‘words will never hurt us’. Maybe you were manipulated by a parent’s out of control emotions and could only feel relief when they calmed down or left the house. Regardless of how, at some point, we learned to believe that emotions are a problem. NOT to be shared, indulged in, felt or even acknowledged. Especially in the business world.

What if our emotions are a critical guidance system, just like our other senses? Just like smell, taste, and touch, emotions allow us to feel when things are OK or not OK. They tell us what to move closer to or further away from.

Take anger for instance. Many of us fear our anger or the anger of others. What if anger was simply a messenger? The message is that we are not getting something we want, or we are getting something we don’t want. Good information don’t you think?

Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions is unfamiliar so we fear them, we resist them, we shove them down instead or dump them on someone else in our discomfort. Responsibly expressing those emotions is a completely different experience. Very few of us were taught how to express our emotions in healthy and responsible ways, yet it is a natural ability we all have as humans. Watch a small child that gets a boo-boo at the playground. If we simply hold the child, being present while they cry and talk about what happened, without us trying to change it or fix it, the emotions quickly move through and then it’s over. Most children simply move on to the next experience once the emotions have been naturally and quickly expressed.

When we got a boo-boo as children, many of us were told things like; ‘you are OK’, ‘big boys don’t cry’ ‘no need to be upset’, etc.  As a result, we had our natural expression blocked as children and now have unexpressed emotions built up inside that can get triggered at the slightest word. No wonder we are often unwilling to feel. With years of unexpressed emotions hiding just beneath the surface, our wounded child inside is terrified to feel it all. It was too painful then, it could be even worse now.

My husband learned that crying was for weaklings (his father was a Marine), and didn’t cry for 30 years! Now that he sees the value of his emotions, and has done the work to empty out the stored up reservoir from the past, he cries all the time when so moved. Cries for sad, cries for happy, it’s a beautiful thing to respond so authentically to life.

The quantum field responds to our feelings. Our feelings are generated by our thoughts. When our thoughts are in alignment with who we really are (loving, compassionate, generous, unique, eager, etc.), we feel good. When our thoughts are out of alignment (not enough, not OK, not mattering, etc.), we feel bad. Our emotions are an indicator of our inner alignment. Expressing our emotions allows them to move through us and what arises just behind them are the new thoughts that we are reaching for to feel better. When I fully expressed my anger and disgust at feeling controlled and criticized by those I held in authority in my life, my old belief about not being good enough transformed completely. I realized that I’m fine just the way I am and no one has a right to put me down or control my actions just to make themselves feel better (mother, boyfriends, bosses). This new belief feels so much better and have given me a wonderful guidance system in my relationships with myself and those I see ‘in authority’.

Emotions are our friends and a powerful guidance system and healing vehicle when used as such.

What emotions are you willing to feel today?

Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coachhttps://www.belief-works.com/
WENDY is passionate about enabling individuals, organizations and communities to value themselves and each other in the ongoing process of change. Wendy has guided hundreds of individuals and over 750+ public and private sector organizations to achieve tangible increases in impact and performance. Her successful practice in mentoring and coaching has led to authorship of the book, ‘Live a Life You Love and Make a Living Doing It’. Over the last 30 years, Wendy’s skills have been honed in leadership roles at MTV Networks, The Rensselaerville Institute, and a variety of community based projects in her town. In 2015 she launched BeliefWorks and offers Belief Coaching as a way to address the root cause of what limits the results we can achieve both personally and professionally. This is an 'upstream' solution to change. Instead of changing limiting behavior, she focuses on changing the limiting beliefs that drive that behavior. In all cases, her clients and partners speak to the specific increases in achievement that her consulting, coaching and partnership roles make possible.
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Maureen Y. Nowicki

Your story Wendy about releasing and embracing your own emotions in your life and also your husband doing so as well – I appreciated hearing. The power of discharging our emotions and using them as a gauge really fits for me and doing a check-in to inner alignment. The emotions I am willing to feel today are whatever comes up as I am in a tentative situation with someone who is ill and dealing with there own feelings. Sometimes I feel frustration, sadness, joy, and anger too in this siutation. I will let it roll as it does and it really tells me the level of care I have for this person and how I am doing too with processing my own feelings. A blessing is our emotions, is my take. Thank you, Wendy.

Laura Mikolaitis

Your article is excellent, Wendy. Thank you for sharing your insights with us.

“Our emotions are an indicator of our inner alignment. Expressing our emotions allows them to move through us, and what arises just behind them are the new thoughts that we are reaching for to feel better.” Wow. I love this statement, Wendy. It resonates for sure.

It’s so true that when we try to suppress our emotions, it can end up doing more harm than good. However, when we move with the flow of our feelings, it is much easier to understand them, accept them, and let the new thoughts surface. I was reminded of this just recently. Recognizing how I felt and sharing it made a world of difference. I not only felt relieved but ready to embrace whatever came next.

Thank you for this reminder and valuable advice today.

Donna Luisa

I do a cry laugh sometimes. My kids are baffled and uncertain how to respond but this is how I learnt to give the tears release and the joy or sadness a place at the same time. From a young age I had to be strong and expressing tears were a sign of weakness which made me a vulnerable target. Looking back I understand the power of my feelings released and the camoflage of that laugh perfected. Emotions are our friends and release is needed by all. Thank you for this Wendy 😊🌺🌺

Darlene Corbett

Thank you for this Wendy! I come a family that expressed emotion as I do. As tell my clients that even anger if expressed constructively is quite liberating. It can mobilize…💖

Jonathan Solomon

I enjoyed reading your most insightful post, Wendy, thank you.

I believe that some Emotions are can be our ‘friends’, if only we understand and use them in a proper manner. There are 1001 different books, theories, philosophies published and even psychologist Paul Eckman suggested that there are six basic emotions that are universal throughout human cultures: fear, disgust, anger, surprise, happiness, and sadness. On the other hand, in the 1980s, Robert Plutchik introduced another emotion classification system known as the “wheel of emotions.” This model demonstrated how different emotions can be combined or mixed together, much the way an artist mixes primary colors to create other colors.

But in all of the published works, I feel that they miss out two main elements and they are Thankfulness and Gratitude. These two emotions do literally cover a ‘multitude of sins’. From a more spiritual place, when we understand the true meaning of the words, “…. in all things give thanks….”, we can overcome all negatives, however deep or vicious they be, and initiate new more fulfilling and meaningful “new moments that are entrusted to each of us”.

What emotions are you willing to feel today?

I feel an overwhelming emotion of thankfulness and gratitude, for they do make my life truly worth living.

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