If I embrace vulnerability, will it decrease the agony of anxiety?
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.
~David Augsburger
In a couple of days, I will have surgery for a similar health issue that was extremely debilitating twelve years ago. I have been in a season of quiet contemplation, spending my weekends in botanical gardens or by the ocean to capture the softest whisper between the winds of wondering.
Recently, during my time of reflection, I asked myself a question, “If I embrace vulnerability, will it decrease the agony of anxiety?” I have trained my spirit and mind to be strong but what still requires an enormous amount of practice is sitting with emotional frailty. I went to the hospital for pre-op appointments and when they put the identification bracelet on my wrist, tears began to fall down my face. I did not have a single tissue to wipe my face. I simply pulled my t-shirt up to my eyes until they were dried. The choice I made is clear. The operation date and the extensive list of to-do’s and not-to-do’s is extremely real.
One day last week, I was preparing to teach my life coach students and picked up a manilla folder that had poetic prose tucked inside. I forgot I penned it as a fresh breath of encouragement on April 8, 2023. It was late in the evening, I found myself curled up inside of a blanket of disappointment after missing a passing score on the ICF coaching credential exam by twenty-one points. In a fleeting moment dismay, I found new strength and four months later August 24, 2023, I received the reward of countless hours invested. Presently I am enrolled in the Master Certified Coach training, daring to traverse another rigorous path of high-level skill development.
What life continues to teach me, one year later is that I am graced to make a positive impact from a hard place, from a high place, from a strong place, tender place, from a lonely place, from a loving place, from a courageous place, from a fearful place, from an abundant place and from an insufficient place. I am learning to embrace and celebrate the resolve to keep planting one foot in front of the other day by day.
When my heart and mind speak, I choose to sit and listen. After swimming in a sea of solitude, I step onto the shore of serenity ready to create my next move.
THE DRUMBEAT OF MY OWN DESTINY:
It may appear difficult to take the first step, because perfectionism and procrastination can stifle the START of something spectacular, but the pounding of purpose is impossible to STOP, and I am prepared to vehemently defend my passion until the last fading breath says goodbye.
Way down DEEP in the crevices of my soul,
There beats a CONGO DRUM of determination, an echoing endurance, which reverberates on the mountain peak of potential, from sunup to sundown.
All signs point to the limitlessness, do not miss your exit. Now is the time to green light your greatness.
When the valley of the shadow of death drapes itself in garments of darkness, mirroring a panther in stealth, a fiery fortitude, pierces through fear like a cannon ball in the air. The moment my feet begin to sink beneath the ground, I hear a familiar sound in the hollow wall of my eardrums emerging from my heart, “Par rum pum pum pum.” That is the beat of a dream that refuses to back down.
There are times when it feels as if my hopes have ghosted me on the dance floor of my imagination, under a chandelier of insecurities. I stand alone grinning while inconspicuously wiping tear-stained mascara from the cliff of my cheek bones. One thing I am certain of, there is an alternative beyond deciding to run and hide in the meanderings of mediocrity.
TRUTH BE TOLD, I almost tapped out in the twelfth round, but the words of Nora Ephron became smelling salt, in the boxing ring of disappointment. Five, four, three, two… and in an instant my voice let out a shout, “Be the heroine of your life and not the victim in this fight.” A roar of courage silenced the doubt and strengthened my resolve. Limping forward until I was able to lean against the ropes of resilience, my spirit spoke. “I know I am not the only one who hears the little drummer boy playing par rum pum pum pum or the caged bird singing for freedom to come and to let the dream live on.”
A comeback is the audacity to confront setbacks that seek to shake, rattle, and buckle the knees of tenacity. As the CONGO DRUM OF DETERMINATION intensifies in the dungeon of defeat, I hold tight to the bodacious belief that I can become who I was destined to be. Whether I am surrounded by many in a crowded room or stranded alone on a secluded lagoon, I will always and forever dance unapologetically to the drumbeat of my own destiny.
If you dared to paint a vision on the canvas of your inventive mind, what authentic attributes of your personality would a portrait of bravery depict of you soaring at untouchable and ethereal heights?
Pause to Ponder:
My life is a….
My deepest purpose is to be…
