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Embracing Uncomfortable Conversations: Leaning Out to Create Authentic Connections

–co-authored by Mindy Honcoop

With those simple frameworks in place, Jan created an opening with Noël to learn more about the core of her struggles. Not an easy step for Jan – she had to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable – but being supported by Naomi gave her purpose and confidence, and she wanted to offer that same kind of support to Noël. Jan took on this challenge and, with persistence, gained new insights into her team members and the team dynamics. Previously, when Jan merely looked at status updates, she only knew the team’s progress against a checklist of their performance strengths and growth opportunities. With her new-found abilities, Jan knew more about what motivated her employees, what they cared about, what frustrated or triggered them, their communication styles and preferences. With this deeper level of knowledge, Jan supported and nudged the team in their team meetings to maintain healthy team behaviors aligned with the team values.

As Jan leaned outside her comfort zone, she transformed her approach to leading and the lives of the people on her team. And as she renewed trust within her team, performance improved. Program sprints were back on track, and when occasional issues arose, the team worked together to close them. As for Noël, she wakes up energized, looking forward to a great day working with great people, and finishes her days feeling fulfilled.

Lean Out

Managers play an outsized role in influencing people’s mental and emotional health at work. An unhealthy work environment has a staggering impact on both performance and wellbeing. Yet, both managers and employees are reluctant to talk about mental and emotional health at work. It continues to be the elephant in the room. Our impulse is to ignore or conceal it because we are uncomfortable with the topic or, in the case of employees, concerned about negative consequences. Ignoring or hiding happens despite the overwhelming evidence that people’s emotional wellbeing significantly affects how they cope with daily stress to stay productive and engaged.

Organizations pay a high price when people don’t feel as though they can work safely, authentically, and be fully engaged.

It’s a recipe for increased stress and anxiety, poor performance, lower productivity, and increased turnover. That’s far too high a price to pay for allowing leaders to avoid crucial conversations about people’s mental and emotional health at work. While the reality may be that too few managers have received formal training on how to help someone who comes to them with a mental health issue, the fundamental elements are the same as with any other human relationship: mutual trust, encouragement, empathy, and good communication. These attributes create a supportive environment where employees can feel psychologically safe and satisfied and deliver their best work. It can take a little courage for managers to lean outside their comfort zone and create space for their employees to share, but the rewards are great.

About the Co-Author: Mindy Honcoop is the Chief People Officer at TCP (TimeClock Plus), where she builds and leads the overall vision to optimize the TCP culture. To ensure employee satisfaction, accelerate business performance and drive engagement, Mindy coaches and influences senior leaders, and designs and implements transition strategies that fuel global growth. As an innovative leader in all aspects of HR, Mindy is passionate about helping others realize their full potential while achieving their desired goals, as well as creating and executing a lifecycle approach to talent management that includes defining talent gaps and proposing HR solutions for staffing, onboarding, performance management, succession planning, talent mobility, and retention. Prior to her role at TCP, Mindy held HR leadership roles at Spiceworks Ziff Davis, Blackbaud, Expedia, and Microsoft. She is based in Austin, Texas, and co-founded the Austin Women in Agile meetup.

Dr. Jeb S. Hurley
Dr. Jeb S. Hurleyhttps://www.brainwarevault.com/
Dr. Jeb Hurley is an accomplished executive and entrepreneur who is a leading expert on team dynamics and high-performance leadership. Jeb guides leaders in understanding and influencing human behavior to deliver better results and greater wellbeing. He is co-founder and CEO of Xmetryx, Inc., the creator of TrustMetryx software, and Co-founder and Managing Partner of Brainware Partners, a team dynamics consultancy. Jeb is a two-time author and holds a Doctorate in Organizational Leadership.

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2 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Thank you, Charlotte!

    I agree that in a work context is can be difficult to get managers comfortable with the idea that they should take on responsibility for people’s “mental and emotional health.” Those terms carry emotional weight and too often managers lack the courage or incentives to take them on. I find that it is effective to focus leaders on the behaviors that foster trust and well-being. And in parallel, sensitize people to the adverse consequences of incivility, low psychological safety, micro-aggressions and similar. Not perhaps ideal but for the many people affected by incivility and more it’s a start.

  2. This looks like a case seen again and again but exacerbated by the pandemic, Jeb.

    I feel some resistance to using the term “mental and emotional health” early in the process because what is really happening is incivility among coworkers who are not inclusive of a new colleague.
    Yes, such repeated behavior will in time likely lead to serious emotional issues, but to categorize the management training as “discussion of mental health” seems to me to contribute to not solving the problem. Addressing incivility among one’s team members is probably not even part of the half hour online training you refer to. But it is never the less a manager’s responsibility to look, listen, and address such issues. Preferably before they turn into mental health problems – or a lawsuit for toxic work environment.

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