Each Day Has It’s Trials – What About Today?

Each day we go through different trials simply because we are human. Most people can’t just sit down beside a family member or friend and open up about that particular day’s upsets or problems. That’s what weekly therapy sessions are for, right? Well, most people don’t even want to go to a therapist because of society’s stigmas placed on mental health. I’ve learned over the years, that like most internal turmoil, its better out than in.

This blog acts as my therapy session and you, my readers, are my therapists. Now don’t think I’ve never been to a psychologist. I spent the better part of my 20’s “lying on someone’s couch”, so to speak. Now at 45, I can actually see where all that talking and being listened to and validated helped, but I can also see where omitting my childhood issues did and did not. I still have a hard time talking on that subject even though it may have contributed to the cause of Fibromyalgia.

I digress. Today’s issues deal with this enormous amount of fatigue I’m feeling. Have you ever been so physically tired that even sleep escapes you? If not, God has blessed you. If you have, that’s where I’m at now. But it’s not only that. I’m emotionally exhausted to the point where thinking about anything exhausts me. What to cook for dinner, when to wash my hair, calling someone on the phone; the little things mentally make me feel as if I’ve been through the same traumatic event every day for the past month. It’s hard to describe. But try to imagine that if you will.

In this state, nothing makes direct sense. You have to think about simple ideas for a minute before they register in your mind. My words are jumbled. I can’t complete a coherent thought or sentence aloud without stopping to think of the word or name I’m trying to use. I don’t dare try to remember my lines for the upcoming play I’m in when I’m like this because I can’t keep anything in my head. Basically, my mind has shut down on me as much as my body has.

There are times that I wish I had one person, (along with my mom), who I could depend on. Not only talk to but depend on the way I allow others to depend on me. It would be easier I think, to get through times like these. My mom has been there for me and has seen the destruction that this disease has caused in my life. But she’s up in age now and it’s my turn to be there for her. So what do I do when I’m having bad weeks with no rest?

I pray, of course, joke around and use laughter, try to rest, push myself to my absolute limit, and go to the doctor. Yesterday I decided to just get rest. I shut down everything and everybody. I begrudgingly said no to request so I could time for myself. I prayed that God let me rest long enough for my body and mind to reboot. I hoped to feel better and I do. Prayer works y’all!

I will always feel fatigued. I suppose that’s why it is called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. But I’m glad that my family understands now. I live through my faith. That’s a beautiful place to be when you’re chronically ill with no cure in sight. But as bad as that sounds, I don’t give up anymore. Believe me, there have been moments when I have.

I just believe God has a purpose/purposes for my life. One of which is to write about and share how I get through living with Fibromyalgia. I really want to reach people not only sufferers but their families and friends. We cannot get through the effects of this disease without a village. At times when I feel defeated, my small village really keeps me going.

So, for now, I am looking to the Lord and thanking God for my village. It’s sad but people will completely turn their back on you when you first get diagnosed, during your fight, and at times when you feel better. Yes. I’ve had people get upset because I don’t feel as bad as I used to. But I don’t get upset anymore. I just understand that they don’t understand and it’s okay.

Google can teach you anything you WANT to know. And it’s okay if they chose not to learn about it. I’m still going to be alright, trusting in God, and leaning on those who lean on me. I believe what I was taught in Nursing school has some merit; healing is 10% body and 90% mind. I’m working up to that 90% every day. What’s your trial today? How are you working on your healing? Let’s talk.


Valerie Collins
Valerie Collins
Valerie Collins was born in Tucson, Az, the last of six children. She has loved writing since a child but decided to pursue a career in Orthopedic nursing. Shortly after her marriage and birth of her first child at the age of 22, she was diagnosed with the chronic pain disease, Fibromyalgia, its subsequent conditions, illnesses, and syndromes. Once the disease disabled her in 2001, she revisited her passion for writing poetry and short stories and has accumulated over 100 poems and spoken word pieces over the years. She became a member of the International Society of poets in 2002 and The International Who's Who in Poetry in 2006. She currently is a member of Realistic Poetry International, Who's Who Among American Business Women, and Women of Facebook Create. Her accolades include 2005 Poet of the Year. She was awarded both the Outstanding Achievement Award in Poetry and the Official Commemorative Poetry Ambassador Medal while serving as a Poetry Ambassador associate in 2007. She wrote a play entitled “Fix Me Jesus” in 2012 for Alabama 1st COGIC State AIM Youth Convention Competition drama category which was awarded second place. Currently, she is in rehearsals for her second stage play for the local playwright, Shawna D. Moore which will be on stage in August 2019. She is in the process of compiling a two-volume poetry book entitled My Poetic Life: A Memoir of Love and a book detailing her life with Fibromyalgia, entitled Behind the Walls of Silence. In July 2018, she created her first blog site My Poetic Life (The Book) as @vfurrmstheblogger to act as a launch for both books and it has taken on a life of its own. She also owns a small crochet business, Val's Gifts of Warmth, where she sells her handmade crochet items.

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  1. At the age of 68 I have come along way and I have learned many things. Reading your article caused me to want to say at different points everything that could clarify or confirm what you wrote. One of the things that I know for sure has helped me get where I am today over everything else is the ability of my faith to go into a quiet place and since there is no one that I can just pour my heart out to I poured it all out to my creator my God. Thank you for this article it has caused me to sit down and begin to want to sit and write again and overcome this dry spell.

    • Lynn,
      I know I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my faith. I have had times where I gave up on myself, asked God to forgive me, and tried to take my life three times. But God!! I now too go to my “war room” at times like that and call on God. I’m glad my words touched you and encouraged you to write again. That makes my heart smile. Thank you.

  2. Love your faith and confidence in God to carry you through. Valerie.

    Your expression that there are people who are not happy when you don’t feel as bad as they think you should, reminds me of the story of Jonah.

    After he preached to the people of Nineveh that they would be destroyed, although known for their cruelty, the people repented. Jehovah decided not to bring destruction on them as a result. How did Jonah feel? He was highly displeased. He had to be corrected in his thinking.

    I know you’re grateful for any pain-less or pain-free moments and thank you for sharing your authenticity.

    • Yvonne,
      Thank you for your thoughts. I see the correlation between my life and Jonah. And I often refer to Job as well because, although not as bad, so many sicknesses have taken over my life but I refuse to give up on God. My faith has wavered, but I know God is real.