Does Your Past Hold You Back?

Recently I saw a saying that caught my eye.  The somewhat famous saying started me thinking of my own past hauntings.  My guess is, you have heard this one before. 

“If you don’t leave the past in the past, it will destroy your future.  Look at what’s in front of you, not what yesterday took away.  The best is yet to come.”

~Author Unknown

And, even though this saying makes sense, many of us just seem to be stuck in the past.  How many of us, including me, have had a hard time moving forward after a painful separation of loss and the grief associated with the loss?  Yes, I thought so….it’s certainly not easy…is it?

Grief from losing someone is extremely hard.  And yet, people seem to put a time limit on how long you are ‘allowed’ to grieve a loss of someone.  The lost can be the person who left you to be with someone else or a death of someone who left you alone. And even though people think after a certain amount of time feel you should be ok, sometimes… that grief is still within you and never goes away.

It’s basically true that ‘time heals all wounds.’  Right?  Well, maybe.  And, it is perceived after the certain ‘allotted’ perception of time goes by, then we, by someone’s standards, can now move forward.  By putting a time limit on the healing process, can put pressure on us to just ‘move forward’ with our life.  You will even have people tell you unjustly to, ‘just get over it.’

Even though you try to get your head around the past hurt and reconcile the reasons for moving on, sometimes you are ‘frozen in time’ so to speak.

Even though you try to get your head around the past hurt and reconcile the reasons for moving on, sometimes you are ‘frozen in time’ so to speak.

Your mind keeps you in the mode of asking questions all the time that ‘if’ you did something different, or ‘if’ you could forgive yourself for not trying  harder to fix something or to change the circumstances, that you  could  have ‘saved’ the relationship or the person who is no longer with us.

I think as human beings, we want to always make things better.  We want to always be liked (although I do know people who hate life and I could care less about these people – let them be miserable by themselves).  We go into relationships wanting to be our best.  Wanting to be our best is part of the attraction that a person starts out as the ‘perfect’ person until you are with them and the ‘true colors’ finally come out in the open.  And, you have to decide what you are willing to deal with and if it brings you true happiness.

And most of the time, we want to desperately get that ‘new’ feeling back and try as we may do what we can to change the person or ourselves, just to get back to the ‘high feeling’ of the relationship.  ‘The Way We Were.’   Yes, I can hear Barbara Streisand singing that song now!

So how do you move on when you a grief-stricken and just can’t seem for move forward?

1. It’s ok if you are grieving.  Grieving is a process.  You will have good days and bad days.  Don’t beat yourself up!
2. Get help.  There is nothing wrong with admitting to a doctor, family member or friends you are struggling.  Make an appointment to talk to a professional and start talking about your grief to resolve how you are feeling.
3. Along with help from a professional, or if you feel you must do this alone, resolve that you are not responsible for the loss of someone in your life. I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  You may have been the catalyst for it to happen, but someone greater than us is controlling the outcome.
4. Put a plan in place. Change things up.  Decide what you enjoy doing and start doing things you have always wanted to do.
5. You have one life, do not dwell on the past and the bad things that have happened. My Mom used to always say she believes life was always presenting us with challenges and she felt we are living ‘hell on earth.’  And, I agree.  One day, those who have passed away in life, we will one day see again.
6. Oh, so it was the one that got away? Remember, that was not the right person for you.
7. You lost that house you wanted to buy? There is something better coming along.
8. Someone wronged you? Their loss, they were not really a friend to you.  Move on, the Universe just sent you a message.  Listen to the message.
9. Get strong. I really believe if you let your feelings control you, you will end up being unhappy.
10. Always…. I mean always see a silver lining in everything. Laugh at things that happened that are hard.  Yes, I said laugh.  You can’t control it anyway, you may as well hang around like I do and see how bad it can get, then just laugh.  Trust me, it works for me!

One of these days, you will beat the grief, I promise.  Life is what you bring to it.  I chose to bring happiness.  If something or someone has caused you grief, do not let that grief control your life.  Nobody can make you happy but you.  So, time to take control and look for the life you have always dreamt of…..it’s there, but you need to open yourself up to accept it.  The Universe will give you signs and will bring you what you need at the right time.  Trust and it will happen.