Does Protecting Your Sanity Sound Attractive?

–If so, Educate Yourself Around Narcissism

Some people tend to internally ridicule my vision and my enthusiastic talks about re-writing the invasive subconscious program — too optimistic in their sense. Knowing how exponentially the number of people suffering from some Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), I don’t only get it but also sympathize.

What is the main trait involved in such a reaction? The ‘Grandiosity’ illusion the different types of narcissists share. Their self-talk would be something like this:

Who do you think you are to dare pretend being on a mission much bigger than your small self, and wish contributing to making this world a more bearable place to live in? I am superior and didn’t even think of it! It’s time to wake up from your silly dream!

There are several types. Many clinical psychologists are agreeing on the number seven. The most dangerous kind is the ‘malignant narcissist’ — aka the ‘Dark Triad’. This one is a monster, very intentional in hunting their victims and causing harm. They feed on people’s suffering. They neither feel shame nor guilt. They are empty and their main concern when they wake up is who they are going to hurt.

For all the other six types, their strategies are unconscious. This is why I personally cannot blame them. I would be stupid to blame a person for something they ignore anyway, right? The mistake to avoid, no matter the cost, is to call them out. In addition to the ‘Grandiosity’ attribute, they are all sharing a second pattern: ‘Denial’.

They would not only be able to talk for hours in the most eloquent possible way to reverse the situation, gaslight you, manipulate you – and they are brilliant in doing so – but would also have no problem insulting you and calling you nasty names. They wouldn’t care about how you would feel. How come? Because they lack ‘Empathy’.

Narcissists have diminished empathy. They are not absent of it. They have the capacity for empathy. But, even armed with that, they choose not to use that empathy

~ Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

Take a person like me:

  • Who was a miserable perfectionist almost her whole life,
  • Who had an existential crisis two years ago,
  • Who gave up on a fancy IT project manager position and a big paycheck,
  • Who was noticed by a malignant narcissist while she was lost and devastated,
  • Who was so abused she was about to commit suicide and was saved at the last minute by a visualization and the starting point of her spiritual awakening – the reason why I am not a religious anymore; rather a spiritual person believing in a pure love divinity. By the way, I am grateful to that demon; that trauma was exactly what I needed to wake up,
  • Who stopped trying to prove anything to anybody,
  • Who took the decision to heal her obvious deep scars, so that she could acquire some strength which – combined with the highest level of bravery – helped her commit to re-write her program, reinvent herself, and stay long enough with the accompanying pain,
  • Who was financially supported by her family at the age of 33, in addition to her savings, during the transformational adventure and while trying something new; which has nothing to do with her engineering degree,
  • Who is so comfortable talking about her ‘failures’ which have been leading to her greatest ‘success’: who I am as a person today – a concept narcissists will never be able to understand; since they are extremely superficial and into the ‘doing’, the ‘looking’, the ‘owning’, the ‘prestige’, the ‘social status’, etc… You only need to observe their language carefully…

If you are an empathetic individual who has been suffering from low self-esteem like me, and who has reached a point of no return, don’t be surprised of being perceived as a ‘loser’ by narcissists!

By definition, you will always need to be a ‘loser’, so that they could be ‘winners’

Don’t get intimidated by their techniques. All that they are looking for is to make you feel uncomfortable and worthless. Don’t fall into their trap.

Here is an example:

Let’s suppose you are a person of integrity. I should probably start with defining it:

Integrity is close to honesty, but it goes beyond it. If we are honest, we conform our words to reality. We tell the truth. We don’t lie. If we are a person of integrity, we rather conform reality to our words.

For instance, if I say we don’t like gossiping and that I don’t miss any opportunity to engage in such mediocre conversations – even when I am not the initiator – then you guessed right, I am anything but a person of integrity. I am, rather showing duplicity. When a narcissist was trying to start a gossip game and that you stopped them, they would hate it and mock your integrity in a very subtle and sarcastic way – sometimes even having the shape of a compliment.

There are mainly two reasons legitimizing their behavior:

  1. Even if many of them might promote being deep thinkers and ethical individuals, the reality is that they lack morality, unfortunately, and are only using it to validate the belief that they are better than the rest of humanity.
  2. The ‘Grandiosity’ illusion they are living in and their entitlement means they would expect you to always agree with what they are saying, no matter the atrocity of their words.

More to the point, they would mock your integrity simply because they didn’t get their narcissistic supply. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. Persist!

Very empathetic people can feel things. Their intuition will always tell them something is very wrong. I know it as my gut tried to warn me about that malignant narcissist who almost killed me. Nevertheless, my self-doubt and low self-esteem contributed to shutting this inner-voice down. Was there another factor playing a role in blinding me? Absolutely. Narcissists are very charming and charismatic individuals. Interestingly, they have such an outstanding ability in manipulating people in a very subtle way. They’re constantly mixing between sweetness and cruelty leaving us confused and trapped. That’s specifically why I am asking you for educating yourself!

Your gut is your first line of defense. Being knowledgeable is your second.

Why is that relevant at all? Because anyone in your close circle could be a narcissist. It could be your parent, your spouse, your sibling, your co-worker, your supervisor; pretty much anyone! Being psychologically abused on a daily basis is an experience no single person should be enduring and tolerating.

I am aware so many people lost their jobs during those pandemic times, and that they might be feeling a bit anxious about the future. I want to reassure them that, if they are surrounded by healthy people – family or friends, their situation is ten times more bearable than victims of narcissistic abuse. Those ones would not only lose their jobs but also their sanity; thus, impacting all areas in their lives. Worst case scenario, leading to committing suicide.

If you have any doubt, please make yourself knowledgeable and reach out for help! Be aware that you are a seed of greatness only numbed by the conditioning and your false self! Know that you are not alone, that you do matter and have your place in this world!

With love, Myriam


Myriam Ben Salem
Myriam Ben Salem
I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer. Writing has been my very favorite means to educate my audience, captivate their attention, talk to their emotions, and make them relate and take action. I have been honored by working as a columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, an Award-Winning life, culture, and biz new media digest, serving as the global hub for enhanced performance and well-being, during 2020. Also, I am a contributing author in Mayhem to Miracles: True Stories of Courage, Triumph, and Peace. I am so in love with writing that I have a peaceful smile drawn on my face whenever I start visualizing the books I will be writing for whoever will be tempted to discover an inclusive philosophy breaking with all the stigmas! I was born in Tunisia, a small country in North Africa. I did pretty much everything earlier than the average: walking, talking, singing, dancing. Promoted throughout my entire education, I was also the leader of every end-of-year party. At some point, after working several years for multinational companies as an engineer, team leader, project coordinator, and product owner while always being a top performer, I figured out I was feeling miserable despite the 'perfect external image'. That marked the starting point of an existential crisis followed by an episode that triggered my re-birth and the beginning of the most rewarding adventure of my whole existence: re-writing my subconscious program and reconnecting with my true self. I was saved at the last moment through an out-of-body experience making me see all the lies, realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around me. Most importantly, I was able to visualize I was here to leave a legacy like all of you, no matter how big or small! The butterfly took time to emerge though. Today, I identify myself as a Universal Citizen. Like-minded and light-hearted people are what I call home. I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer, and was granted the edutainer qualifier: a combination between education and entertainment! I educate on the importance of healing unsuspected traumas, seeing our limiting beliefs and biases with honest lenses, finding one's purpose and a principled mission that goes beyond the self, and unleashing the hidden potential so that to leave our legacy for the generations unborn. I have been using a panoply of means that could vary from explicit ones such as mentorship, speaking, and writing, a skill that emerged naturally during my self-actualization process to implicit mediums like storytelling, how I daily show up in the world and model servant leadership! Writing is my very favorite and most preferred tool deployed for my mission. The topics I explore are in the nexus of stoic philosophy, psychology, neuroplasticity, epigenetics, and pretty much any topic involving human behavior. Common denominator? The quality of the subconscious program. You may have a look at some of my works published on my website; Set Yourself Free.

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  1. The definition of sanity is reasonable and rational behavior. It’s something a narcissist will never be capable of. We only become sane when we are free from them. We can never have sanity is we are enmeshed with their games and delusions. Bless you for sharing your story and your beautiful mind with me. I can’t help but be drawn to your writing. We’re in this together.

    • Awww JoAnna sweetheart 💙 I so feel you my lovely friend!!!

      Many people don’t have the priviledge of running from narcissistic intimate relationship though; most probably because of some financial dependency (at least until they could figure out how to help themselves become dependent!)

      Specifically for those oned, it is fundamental to MASTER the manipulation strategies, so that they could SEE it and detach themselves from identifying with it!

      I appreciate you and adore your BOLDNESS JoAnna! 🤩🤩🤩

  2. Myriam,
    From what I can see of your bio below your article you are not qualified to give advice to people who have lost their jobs due to this virus or anything pertaining to relationships or for that matter what drives people to commit suicide. Advice on these matters should only be given by trained and certified professionals.

  3. Interesting and educational article.
    A self-centered, self-centered person, eager to aspire to everyone’s approval and self-referential about their abilities, often boasted, in an emergency and concern about Coronavirus could be led to the adoption of protective conduct.

  4. Beautifully written, Myriam. Thank you for sharing your experience and insight with us. Many of us have likely encountered and had interactions with narcissists, so the information you share is valuable. I find it is much healthier to surround yourself with people who bring you up, and not weigh you down. But that lesson didn’t come easily. It is with experience, age, and perspective that I finally figured it out.

    I appreciate your transparency and the light you bring to this world, Myriam. Thanks for making a difference!

  5. Thank you very much for this important essay on a topic that might be confusing to many people as they have not had experiences or understand the deep impacts a person with narcissism can create. I appreciate you sharing your story and the courage it takes to heal and transform from the inside out. I celebrate your freedom and your healings!

    • You are most welcome my dear Laura! 🤗 It is absolutely the first mandatory step if we wanna give ourselves a chance to make a difference as a second step! I was fortunate to heal and transform the miserable perfectionist without even willing to discover the details about the why I was who I was in the first place. I only focused on destroying all the crap in my f*cked up subconscious program, no matter their origin and how I built those destructive patterns.

      But, knowing that many people wouldn’t be able to heal without getting the why in details, I thought of sharing my recent discoveries hoping it could help even one person out there! 🤩

  6. Oh my goodness, dear Soul Sister, you speak my language. Narcissists cut across all segments of society even in the field of psychotherapy when they assert their high intellect and so-called knowledge many things, including narcissism. You are most open and honest! I am pleased you are here to share the tale. Your amazement will continue to dazzle the world.💖

    • Awww I was already aware we were speaking the same language my lovely soulsister, but it’s always so pleasant to confirm it again and again 💙🤗🧚‍♀️

      Thaaaanks for stopping by and for speading your beauty and shining your light 🌞