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Does Misery Love Company?

–If so, I'm your downer

As another summer speeds by, hurtling into oblivion, I realized something about myself and that is, I’m miserable. Unhappiness is a constant for me these days. Perhaps it has been lurking for years and I’ve avoided confronting this condition that has become chronic. Unwavering. And, so damned cruel.

The worst part is, that I don’t know the exact reason, the trigger, if you will, or what to do about it. I don’t know how to find the “joy,” or even, believe that such a thing exists.

Times are tough. Prices on everything are through the roof and our planet is dying. And the f##king Republicans are doing everything they can to turn women into chattel. Certainly, merely trying to keep our footing in a world gone mad is a challenge in itself. That said, the notion of “happiness” seems somewhat selfish, and unattainable.

Our cats make me happy. We lost our Dooley recently, and the pain of his passing is constant. Thankfully, Conor and Lorna bless me with a level of unconditional love that I can only hope is deserved.

This morning, as I was stripping the bed, the thought hit me that, when they’re gone, I’ll probably be ready for death. I can’t see it any other way.

I’m sharing this because I know…I know, that there is at least one of you who feels as I do. Who can acknowledge that fear of the future is hobbling us in the present?

I’ve been thinking about adopting an older cat. While part of me wants to save a precious life, there’s that little troll perched on my shoulder who whispers in my ear and tells me that this is a bad idea. “Think of the expense!” “What if your two cats won’t accept an interloper?” “What if you die?”

See? I wasn’t kidding. My thoughts are unrelentingly dark. Getting older and facing one’s mortality is akin to the rotting cherry on a mass of bitter icing. You know you’re going to sink and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

Our very home is also a source of stress for me. I love it, but it’s become increasingly hard to keep up. Many “things” need doing. And these things cost dearly. Too, because my husband has health issues that make it hard for him to engage in any taxing physical labor, most of the heavy lifting is on me.

Idly and often, I think about moving. But, where would we go? Sometimes I fantasize about living next to water. Any body of water, be it a lake, pond, or stream. I believe it would calm me, soothe my soul, and take away some of the fear that is omnipresent.

Or, maybe that’s just bullshi#t.

Thanks for reading. Sorry to be so dark today, but this newsletter is, after all, “Sherry Raw.”

As always, I look forward to your thoughts about this, as well as the following stories.

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Sherry McGuinn
Sherry McGuinnhttps://medium.com/@sherrymcguinn
Sherry McGuinn is a long-time, Chicago area, advertising/marketing writer, blogger and, for the last fifteen years, screenwriter. A big-time dreamer and proud of it, Sherry has had two short films produced, one in L.A., the other in New York. Both won several awards and screened at festivals but she is still "fighting the good fight," in order to become a full-time, working screenwriter. A passionate straight-shooter who never rests on her laurels, Sherry writes about damn near everything because how do you encapsulate…life? Unflinching in her determination to “just tell the truth,” Sherry strives to educate, engage and inspire others to follow their dreams. A lifelong animal lover and advocate, Sherry resides in a Chicago suburb with her husband and their three fabulous felines.

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3 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Thank you, Alan. I was pretty down when I wrote this. As you’ve already surmised! I know that everyone is going through tough times, but this knowledge doesn’t really help when you’re feeling miserable, does it? That said, I am doing just what you suggested. I’m taking on one household project a day so as not to feel so overwhelmed. Yesterday, I cleaned out our main fridge and I felt so good afterward!

    Still debating the adoption issue. Hopefully, we’ll come to a decision, soon.

    I’m so sorry that you had an accident. I was unaware but now that I am, I hope tomorrow you are 90% better than what you were.

    Thank you. I’ll take that hug and send back a bushel of them.

    • Hi Sherry
      There is a lag between when you send things in and when Dennis gets to publish. Glad things have improved a little in the interim.
      Thanks for your kind wishes. The accident was a while ago -see post Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom. Still working on it.

      These are tough times. Hope your husband’s health improves. And that democracy isn’t gone yet.

      I just want you to know that you are not the only one who gets down from time to time and not without reasons.

      If enough of us share virtual hugs and intentions of positive change -it will come.
      Alan

  2. Hi Sherry
    Life does indeed seem raw right now. Climate changes is clearly here, democracy is under threat, people are dying in wars in Ukraine and Somalia.

    If you choose to run the worst case scenario projections there is a lot of fodder out there. And who could blame you. Sounds like you’ve been through some tough times lately -losing a loved pet, health problems, a home deteriorating before your eyes. It sucks to be you. . .

    Or does it. . .?

    Is there one of those things you might take action on. . . stop doom scrolling? Support a Candidate who wants to do the right thing? Work on your husband’s health issues? Downsize to a condo by a lake where the condo association deals with maintenance? Get another cat?

    Not all of them mind you. . . ONE.

    I woke up today. How ’bout you? The sun ain’t shining, but we need the rain. I’m only at 85% in my recovery from my accident or rather I’m 85% better than I was.

    Sherry Raw – It is a tough time for youm – and there are a lot of us who share some of your miseries -and we can send you some commiseration’ and love -yeah really -love. You can absorb it and maybe feel a little better. I hope you do.

    I also hope you pick one thing to act on to make better -only one- and I hope that the one you pick doesn’t turn to s___t -you know, like deciding to fix one littee thing on the house and have it disintegrate into having the replace a wall or something -man that would really suck, so no, I hope that doesn’t happen to you.

    Fell better, my friend, accept the virtual hug. Tomorrow is another day.

    Alan

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