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Do You Have an Inner Editor?

Do you cut yourself off from speaking? Maybe you wonder for a moment too long whether what you’re about to say is the ‘right’ thing and then you don’t say it because the moment’s passed. Or maybe you do say it and it lands with a clunk. There comes a point when the psychological effort required from this self-editing process becomes untenable and then what…?

I was interviewed by Sara Sanderson for the When Women Speak podcast some time ago, and I remembered another childhood phrase — ‘think before you speak’. It seems that what came out of my mouth wasn’t always considered acceptable — probably that thing where little kids very honestly observe what they see in the world, and which often goes against what we’ve labelled as polite or acceptable, when in fact they’re being beautifully truthful.

Anyway, it seems this was another phrase that stuck with me and made it seem like I had a job to do, to make sure that what came out of my mouth was thoughtful, considered, right, not going to upset people — oh yes, really that last one! As with most of the conditioning we gather in life, it seems to work for as long as it works, and then the cracks start to show as the system heaves under the weight of the psychological effort.

The beginning of the cracks showed up for me on the outside — someone in my life who didn’t edit or filter and who had received the opposite conditioning of ‘say what you think’. This led to me cringing with embarrassment as she spoke brusquely to waitresses about whatever she was unhappy about. Really highlighting the ‘don’t upset people’ narrative and a perfectly opposing story to start to bring to the surface my own ‘think before you speak’.

So what do we do with this? How do we change it? Because it was evident that whenever I second-guessed what to say, or wondered whether I was having the ‘right’ impact it felt like things became clunky and awkward, or didn’t have the impact I’d intended. Almost like the words had been dunked in dirty water before making it into the world.

But we can’t really know which is which. We can send ourselves in spirals wondering did I say the wrong thing, did I upset them, was I clear, are they convinced, did me calling out that behaviour challenge the relationship too much?

There is no end to this intellectual analysis because how could we ever know? Even if someone seems upset by something you’ve said today, who knows if in a week, month, or year’s time they could turn around and say ‘that was the best thing anyone could ever have said to me’.

And so the invitation is to stop using the outside world as a guide for how well you’re doing — you can never know, there are no answers there. Instead, the only guidance mechanism you need to increasingly wake up from the confusion of your inner editor, is here already, within you.

So instead, it’s a noticing game. Was there a reaction or a contraction in me? Was there an idea of limit here, an idea of the right words to say? These are signs that an idea of self was in on the game and that dirty-water-dunking was happening with the words. It’s this that feels off, out of alignment with who we really are.

Despite what we’ve been taught, the off-feeling isn’t actually telling you that you shouldn’t speak or that you are terrible at speaking, it’s beautifully pointing you to the fact you’re believing stories that are confusing matters.

The more you see this, and see the pattern of thought without judgement, see the untruth of the idea of limit, and recognise that you are the space in which it’s all appearing, then naturally the editor stops showing up, and you return to the innate freedom of lovingly honest and fresh words flowing forth, just as life intended.

With love, Helen

Helen Amery
Helen Ameryhttp://wildfigsolutions.co.uk/
Reconnecting you to innate brilliance for a more fulfilling life. Disillusionment happens when, things that we took to be true, start to look less so. People, belief systems, ways of working, societal norms. As these cracks, in reality, start to show we often look around to see what else is available to make sense of this, and these moments provide the opportunity for great change and the ability to step into a whole new and fresh experience of life. I work with disillusioned people who’ve worked hard all their lives to climb the career ladder, increase their income, who got the family and the house and the car and…then they look around and realise something’s still missing. They don’t feel more fulfilled. They don’t feel successful. They don’t feel secure. Sometimes these things have even become worse. My career has developed through commercial HR into psychology-based coaching, and now my work goes beyond psychology to the fundamental truths behind our human experience. This is the final shift in perspective that frees us from the imagined limitations we’ve gathered through life and reconnects us to our innate brilliance. It’s the direct path that other development can meander us to. From here we find fulfilment, security and a feeling of success – and we find we’re able to enjoy everything we already had, and new things, in an entirely fresh way. My business is called Wild Fig Solutions because the Wild Fig has the deepest roots in the world and I always cared about getting to the heart of what was going on. Now this work is really that as it reconnects us to our heart at the deepest level and naturally rebalances us so that we use the brilliance of our head in the way it works best. I work with clients online, in one-to-one and group coaching programmes, to help them reconnect to their innate brilliance. See my book here: Let’s Get Honest About: Work

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hey Loree! Thanks for your comment. It seems like you’re experiencing what most people experience – a fluctuating experience of life moment to moment with no clearly defined Loree that can be put in a box with a label on. You are both the life of the party and quiet. You can have words flowing or feel wordless. These are temporary appearances of experience. They’re not what you are. How could they be? Because there’s something that you are that’s remained constant throughout all those fluctuations. Something ineffable and intangible but felt nonetheless. Knowing that as what you essentially are creates the stable foundation from which you can see these fluctuations come and go. And – without trying – the voice that says ‘is this ok? Should I be like this?’ Get less convincing. Tell me what you hear in this. What’s resonating?

  2. For some reason words flow so much easier when I am silent, alone… I seem to get lost in the crowd, although everyone says I’m the life of the party! Deep down , as I get on in years . I tend to prefer a few people as opposed to many. I like to engage but my social skills need to be improved upon.
    O.k. Now time for the question? Anyone else feel like this?
    Just curious, Loreexx

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