To judge, one is immediately ready, because the word, alas, too many times runs faster than the thought, that thought, and that reflection, which should never be missing before opening one’s mouth.
The understanding of the other, and respect for what he is, regardless of what his own point of view may be, his own feelings about a given situation, would certainly help in the fateful “judgment” that is so easily expressed. Are precisely the judgment and the tendency to judge the real obstacles, the absolute barriers to true communication. Nevertheless, it is not at all necessary to stop or drop the tendency to judge people, it is necessary to understand why we judge and how we can judge. One can only judge the behavior, because only the behavior is accessible, one cannot judge the person, because the person is hidden behind his action, the person is a mystery. You can judge the action but not judge the being, and the action is irrelevant, a judgment on being through action will never be correct.
There are many, too many, people who speak and judge our life and our choices without really knowing what is behind it. Each of us has our own path, studded with events. And it is precisely as a result of these events that we react in a subjective way, based on what we are undergoing. Precisely for this reason, no one should allow himself to judge. There is a story behind every person that others don’t know.
It takes courage to put yourself in the shoes of others, because it brings the awareness that we are often unfair to those who just need support, to feel accepted. Looking at events from afar, as a mere spectator, does not give anyone the right to judge what they see and what concerns the experience of others.
Often people are judged on the attitudes they take, they suffer the morals and comments of those who don’t know what really happened and what led to them.
The best thing to do to others, eventually, is to know, inquire about their experience before judging.
There are countless examples of behaviors that end up becoming the target of criticism and the poison of others. Without any rights. Without knowing the facts. Without tact and without any form of mental and emotional intelligence.
One cannot make value judgments based only on superficial knowledge, without having lived up close to any of the stories being judged.
Each person lives the world, events, life, in his own way, arranging everything according to what he has inside himself, based on what he is living, experiencing, undergoing. Nobody lives the exact same experience, feels the same sensations, the same pain, the same pleasure, the same fears.
You cannot stand as judges as if by pretending that others behave in a certain way rather than another: “I in his place …”, how many times do we hear this phrase?
Nobody can be in nobody’s place. In the end, each of us lives in our own shoes and who can assure us that instead of others we would act better? This is presumption!
One should be empathetic to empathize with others and understand the emotions, feelings, and fears that lead them to act in one way rather than another.
We should never allow someone to judge us without having lived our story, without having shared anything with us, without them ever offering us help, maybe they just used us. We ignore those who attack without understanding, those who judge without knowing, those who command without power, because most people when they judge, are silly or superficial. We should not worry when someone thinks or blabs that we’re wrong. Nobody is immune from error. Even the most accredited judges are wrong. They are all wrong because it is human nature.
Above all, it’s cowardly to try to hide but point the finger at others.
After all, it is to our conscience that we must respond, not to others. But let’s do an honest examination of conscience every now and then to understand where we are.
Judging the faults of others often comes from the need to absolve one’s own.
Thank you for this article, Aldo.
I make many mistakes. The only alternative would be to never do anything – and that to me seems to be an even bigger mistake.
Sometimes a person asks “is this what you meant?” and usually it isn’t. Sometimes I said something the wrong way – sometimes the other heard something through their distortion filter. But unless we ask “is this what you meant?” and accept the answer at face value, it is very difficult to solve misunderstandings.
Sometimes I ask “Is this what you meant?” It can make other people very uncomfortable because it signals that there is a potential misunderstanding; that there is an interpretation possible that is not positive; that there is a potential conflict.
Even people totally comfortable with a little conflict can be stopped from trying to solve it because people around them – who have no other stake in the discussion than being present – get too uncomfortable.
The world has to make sense and it doesn’t if there are too many gaps. If we can’t address conflicts, people fill in the gaps with their own stories.
Thank you Charlotte for adding substance to my post. I am happy having attracted your attention and your thoughts about.
I appreciate it.
Aldo, this article is accurate and to the point. So often judgment takes place without the slightest idea of who or what that which we judge is all about. The second paragraph says it all. I have no problem in admitting that I have been guilty of judging before knowing, however over the years I have taken a step back and took time to listen and let things settle. Emotions are easy to react to quickly as judgement is, but if one takes a moment to be silent and try to understand the others point of view or actions, or comments, it makes a very big difference.
Lynn, thank you for reading the article and also for the considerations you add.
Of course we all make mistakes in judgment by letting ourselves be carried away by the emotions, joys and pains of our daily life. It happens more often when you are young and when you are under stress. At work it is more harmful than in family relationships or between friends.
However, not everything is always bad. Our righteous judgments about others can give them the necessary guidance and, in some cases, offer protection to ourselves and our family. We should make such judgments with care and compassion. As far as possible, we should judge the situations in which people find themselves rather than people. Basically, and whenever possible, we should refrain from making judgments until we have adequate knowledge of the facts.