Divert The Finger Pointing At You

3 Steps – Go From Frustration To Cooperation And Success

It seems no matter how efficient, ambitious, professional, or effective we may be; there is at least one person in our experience who brings a chaotic energy that is dangerous and has the potential to strip us of our strength, integrity and all that we have built.

Have you had one or more of these people in your career?

I have discovered for myself, there is a pattern in my own life of these people showing up. In retrospect and in my current awareness, I am learning of a deeper understanding of what’s in it for me.

It goes beyond the frustration and feelings of unfairness that they portray me as different than who I really am with accusatory statements and contradictory behavior.

The bigger picture is it is not about them, but more about me. Consider personal and professional growth. We are not able to go beyond where we are if we keep doing the same thing over and over. Instead, we are pushed beyond our comfort zone by being nudged or slammed into an experience that opens us up to something new.

Whether this is speaking out about how we are being treated, giving an opinion about something without fear of the other person’s reaction, or raising our awareness of how we can become a better version of ourselves.

As I review my past experiences with each of these individuals who have crossed my path, I conclude that each one has given me the opportunity to strengthen an area of myself that was weak at one point.

Through their destructive behaviors, I have had to defend myself, and learn to create stronger boundaries and develop better ways of teaching others how to treat me. Over many years of professional development, I recognize the need for others to get to the top can cause them to take any measure to get there at others expense.

Their insecurities, low self-esteem or lack of confidence can also be a driving force in causing them to bring others down.

Being a strong leader, inspiring others and using proven positive influence techniques to shift them into a collaboration and cooperation paradigm, takes knowing how to divert those who point the finger.

It may seem like they are pushing me around, but after much studying and spending time trying to understand the behaviors of these types of people, it is apparent they are fulfilling a need.

With my weaknesses, I am supplying them with the power they cannot give themselves and giving up my own empowerment. The cycle of resentment and anger keeps me stuck in a place that does not feel good.

Once I recognized my pattern and why these people have continued and still show up in my life; it is easier for me to move through the experience with them. Instead of reacting to their behaviors, I simply use the tool of the power of the pause and look at why they feel they can approach me in the way they have.

Then I go over in my head ways of responding (not reacting) to their behaviors. This process allows me to be an effective leader and professional, with no drama and the capability to transform any potential negative outcome.

If someone is pointing the finger at you, here are three steps to ease the transition from frustration to cooperation and success:

  1. Power of the Pause – The first thing you will want to do is walk away, end the call or close the email. Clear your head and take time to walk through what they are saying. Try to determine the underlying meaning and what are they really telling you. Once you drop out of your head and start to feel better, then you can move to step two.
  2. What is the Possible Weakness in You – We are always given opportunities to grow personally and professionally. Any areas of “weakness” we may have will be shown to us through a reflection of our experiences. Others will bring to us ways in which we can identify the weakness so we can transform them into strengths. Once you can pinpoint where you may be able to empower yourself, then determine action steps to overcome the weakness. Put these into action and watch your experiences change for the better! As your experiences improve, you will be implementing step 3 at the same time.
  3. Develop Stronger Boundaries- To prevent future finger pointing it is important to have strong boundaries. People who are takers and look for weakness in others will slip right through weak boundaries. They can spot them a mile away. Your best defense is to know your level of strength in your most important boundaries and work to empower them. This takes time and practice. It is learning about yourself, who you are, what works in your life and what does not; and what makes you a great leader. Reaching your highest potential takes perseverance in the face of adversity and knowing what empowers you from the inside out.

Responding to the finger pointer will be best from a place of empowerment; otherwise, they will point again and again. Divert the finger pointing at you and your world will change for the better. Your outlook and interaction with others will improve as you uplift yourself to new levels of leadership and development.

Being in control of what happens in your life, through positive influence, creates the most desirable outcome for you and others.

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”

~Mark Twain


Eileen Bild
Eileen Bild
EILEEN is Founder of The Core Thinking Blueprint Method, CEO of Ordinary to Extraordinary Life, Executive Producer of OTELproductions, and talk show host for OTEL TALK. She holds a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology and is a published author, Internationally Syndicated Columnist, contributing author to the inspiring book Chaos to Clarity: Sacred Stories of Transformational Change and Breakthrough S.P.A.R.K. Coach. Eileen and her husband Trevor are a power couple whose foundation is a 360 view of the world through inspiring, uplifting, and empowering others. Maximizing performance, communication, and drive for growth for your highest achievement is what you will experience working with Eileen and Trevor. They are owners and producers for ROKU channels KNOB TV, OTEL TALK, and OTEL MUSIC VIDEOS; and develop channels for professionals and businesses. They collaborate with companies, such as 360° Nation/Dennis Pitocco, musicians, entrepreneurs, and many more. Go from Ordinary to Extraordinary!

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  1. The aggressive person is usually trying to look better by making you look worse. One of the best defenses is to make that person irrelevant. Simply ignore them. They will usually find someone else to pick on. Responding to them is just what they want.

    • Ken, I agree 100%, they are aggressive (passive/aggressive)….and if you are around them long enough they can confuse you. Making the person irrelevant does make it easier for us, as the receiver, to feel less impacted by their behavior and unfortunately, it will be passed on to someone else.

      For me, I am using my knowledge and awareness of these types of people to continue to create stronger boundaries so I can still either work with them (if they are in my work environment) or interact with them (if they are in my current experience). It seems to teach them how to treat me by not bringing this behavior to me, and forces them to make a choice…continue to interact with me with better behavior or they exit my experience. This way, I am in control. And, I hope, in some way, I am making a difference for the other people because the behavior is starting to change or shift in some way.

      It has been an interesting process to watch on my part…. a lifelong interaction with people of this type in different situations over many years.

  2. Painful is a minimalist word to describe the incident and I appreciate your three ways to come back from it. Sometimes the walk away is temporary, but if the exit is permanent, we still must do what is right for this one life we have.

    • Jane, in my experience, gaining the understanding of the “why” and the ability to recover can actually bring a more positive result than expected. Funny how it can work, especially when we step back out of the chaos of it, practice the power of the pause and come back with a fresh perspective. As you have said, if it is a permanent exit, then it can mean we have created stronger boundaries for ourselves and future experiences will have less finger pointing. The three ways to come back from it is very empowering and strengthening. Thank you for sharing your thoughts….