Debility?

I will soon be 77 years old. I’ve been amazed and a bit bewildered at this fact. With a bigger past than future, I’ve explored contemplative rabbit trails about my life’s journey, the places I’ve been, places I’ve lived, the people I’ve had the pleasure (or irritation) to know, things I’ve done, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Until recently, all the mental gymnastics, the only exercise I get these days, has been centered around what I can no longer do as well as I once could. The list is long and getting longer.

Hearing is a challenge: Thus, I’ve acquired hearing aids to help me through the tough passages, the whispered, stealthy, dampened conversations, music, speeches, and interactions in public places, grocery lines, entertainment venues, at parties, and places where I find myself cupping an ear even with the electronic devices in place. I like libraries better all the time. The advantage of hearing aids is something I never anticipated: I can shut them off! Barking dogs, screeching kids, boorish adults, and gratuitously loud motorcycles? No problem.

I leak: An advantage of older age is latitude to discuss delicate bodily issues, so here goes. From overuse, muscle weakness, recent prostate surgery, or just late warning signs causing frantic and/or missed relief, I’m now officially hostage to my bladder. An all-nighter is when I don’t have to get up to pee. The absorbent night shorts are rather comfy and allow me to sleep without worry. The advantages of my quasi-incontinence are that it’s a great excuse for drinking less, for drinking more (explained below), for not staying out late, for not going out at all, and for enhancing navigation skills. The advantage is that with more attention to my bladder, I pay more attention to hydration and thus better health. As for the navigational part, I’m more aware of the location of bathrooms and navigate to them with ease, whether in Toledo or Timbuktu. There may be an app for that, but I don’t need it. Call it potty proximity radar; I own it.

Lovemaking is a study in patience: Do I? Still? Well, yes, but nothing like when I was a young stud. On the rare occasion I respond to the moment, and the old soldier stands and salutes, the spontaneity of the episode warms my heart and feeds my ancient soul. The advantage of my standby status is that I no longer feel driven by a certain part of my anatomy, and that’s a very good thing. It’s something more men should assimilate into their lives, in my opinion. C’mon, guys, let’s be honest. it was pretty easy at 37 to make a fool of ourselves. At 77, it can be an everyday occurrence. As Bob Hope once said, ‘That one in the Fall is terrific.’

Cataracts are a thing: My surgery for their removal is next month. I’ve been assured by peers that the procedure is entirely safe, brief, nearly painless, and quickly recoverable. One advantage of cataract surgery is that the procedure holds the promise of discarding trifocals I’ve worn for 45 years. What’s not to like?

Becoming one of the elite in older age is a gift. Millions of people my age, especially males, never have the honor of a 77th birthday. I’m phenomenally grateful for this rare privilege. As for the whiny remarks above, notice that each of my so-called debilities is followed by an advantage. There’s a reason for that.

As I thought about this piece, an image arose of rough, recently mined ore deposits, like those for silver. That ancient rock spent eons buried beneath whatever geologic formation it was mined from. The first step in making it useful is to power wash accumulated dirt and detritus off of it. Once the silver’s exposed, it shines like it’s making up for lost time. It’s the same for those of us with silver hair.

We’re not losing ability or agency; we’re gaining things unavailable to younger people, burdensome things the passing years have scrubbed away.

For an older person reading this, ask yourself what you’re debilitated from? The minor items listed above? Or are you instead being power-washed of the burdens & expectations of a younger age? Here are examples of those benefits:

What if my hearing loss allows me to selectively tune in to better, more substantive messages, removed from the cacophony and meaningless chatter that fills my days? If that’s debility, I welcome it. One of the best features of my hearing aids is the off switch! I use that button a lot. (See barking dogs, screeching kids, and boorish adults in the text above.)

What if my vision loss is a gift? My fading ability to look outward forces me to look more keenly inward. Older age is a time of contemplation anyway. Why not enhance that often-satisfying activity without visual distractions that pour in every day?

What if my lost immediate capacity in lovemaking is a blessing, removing the urgency and temptation it once was, allowing me to discover more and better ways to be intimate with the woman I adore? Downside? I don’t see one.

What if my ‘leakage’ is a signal? I’m as healthy as ever, and my RN wife claims hydration is a key element of that, so needing to pee every twenty minutes is just peripheral to my good health. Beyond that, it’s an indication that my kidneys are working better than ever!

Finally, what if my fading stamina forces me to be selective about the ways I invest my diminishing time? How many hours a day do you waste on things you don’t want or need to do? What if instead of washing the car, shoveling the walk, mending the back fence, and weeding the side yard, you were forced to hire an energetic neighbor kid to do that? I’d call that a win-win. While you watch the kid wash your car, you can flop on the couch and take a nap. How many thirty-year-olds can do that?

In an old Twilight Zone episode, an older couple was granted passage back to their early years when they were vibrant, healthy, full of stamina, and filled with dreams. The catch was that only one of them could make the trip. They agreed, finally, that the man would go back in time and rediscover his youth for both of them. The upshot of the story is, of course, he chose to give up his energetic youth to return to the (old) woman who’d given her life to him. Aging is no debility. If viewed correctly, it’s a superpower. To anyone officially old today, Happy Birthday!