By Debra Arko, Featured Contributor
Anais Nin a mid-20th-century author wrote: “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Anais was telling us to have the courage to envision a greater life, a bigger realm of success for ourselves. She often talked about this and I think she read Emmet Fox; who wrote an entire book, The Mental Equivalent. This single book inspires millions to change their mindset around illness, careers, relationships, even money.
The Mental Equivalent
When we talk about our success in our life, think about what Mr. Fox said. “You must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not 
positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.” Our very success in all the primary areas of life depends on controlling your mind and thoughts. So how do we do this creatively and magnificently in our lives? How do we add it to our health and wellness?
Believing bigger for yourself is mental equivalence. It is the ability to change how you manifest your reality in life. Most people have past experiences that taught them to think of themselves as ‘less-than’ instead of ‘more than’. It’s easy to tell yourself that you are overweight because your family trait is such.
We know genetics plays a smaller role than once thought, and how you eat, and think mean more. The lack of physical activity like walking can make an enormous difference for many. Empowering my clients to see themselves for the joy they really are is a big part of health coaching.
You may have heard how money was tight or that you were not good enough at some time in your past. This can play out in our careers, our relationships, and our personal self-image too.
Using Mental Equivalent In The Primary Foods Of Daily Living
Primary foods are not what we place in our mouths but the things that make life worth living and enjoying. You cannot buy or sell this particular nourishment. These life sources feed our hearts and our souls, giving us the life we want and deserve. One of these nourishment is our relationships with others.
Using Mental Equivalent for Success in Relationships
When you think of love, do you believe in small love that keeps you safe and means you have someone to sleep next to at night? Or do you desire and set your mind on a course with a significant love that fills your heart full and makes you smile?
The level of a loving relationship in your life is the size of your Mental Equivalent.
When we think of physical problems, telling yourself that knee pain is to be expected at your age, is not positive, constructive, optimistic, or being kind to yourself.
These 3 steps will help you move more into creating success with a Mental Equivalent in your life.
1. The First Step Is To Be Patient With Yourself
Be ready to pull yourself gently back when you realize a thought is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.
“Mary” a health coaching client, sounded angry on her bi-monthly call. I asked her what was wrong; I could almost feel the heat of anger through the phone. “My mother is at it again. Telling me, I will always be fat because she is! Doesn’t she understand how much this hurts.” Her voice trailed off.
My job wasn’t to tell Mary to ignore your mother, or have a snappy comeback. It was to ask her how she felt when this happened. What thought she had before calling her parents’ home.
She went into a lethargy of how she knew this was what her mother would say. Mary didn’t want to talk to her but felt compelled to do it anyway even though she knew exactly what would happen.
2. Be Present With A Beneficial And Constructive Image Of What You Want
This prep-story was a mental equivalence, just like Ernest Holmes suggests we do. It manifested just as she asked and planned. Now she was adding to this 
desire by continuing the destructive memory over and over.
As hard as it can be to pull back, if you find yourself not creating a positive mental image then don’t make a phone call. It may be weeks before you return a call. You may have to send an email and simply tell the person you love them but right now you’re working on a big project and will call them soon. That project is your well-being.
Sometimes we’re ready to make that interaction. It can be with a boss or co-worker. You may have little time to think about this. Using Mental Equivalence or ME, can go something like this.
3. Be Optimistic About Your Ability to Use Mental Equivalent For Your Higher Good Health Coaching
Write out in your journal all the positive things you want to take place. My boss smiles at me. She tells me she likes something I am wearing or doing. She blesses me with her mentoring on something I want to improve. She brings light into our interaction and I bring light too.
Don’t expect your boss to criticize you or correct you. See it as mentoring from this person.
Now that it is written it’s more powerful. Say it many times daily and as you go to meet with this person. If you don’t have time to do this just keep seeing in your minds’ eye the image an encouraging time and saying thoughts of kindness, positivity, and blessing for the meeting.
Bonus. Be Kind Without Attachment To The Outcome
It takes practice and sometimes you don’t know the entire result. Remember the other person is envisioning what they want and it could be thoughtless on their part for a successful outcome.
If this happens you have placed your energy at a higher frequency and you’ll not be attached to the outcome. The last thing you want to do is leave this encounter and say to yourself, “ I knew it wouldn’t go well!” That means you didn’t actually hold a place for a higher outcome and you got exactly the mental equivalence expect, you just didn’t admit it to yourself.
Mary knew she would likely struggle with being Twiggy but a sexy big-size model was something she could accomplish. Using pictures from magazines, she had formed a perfect mental equivalent of success for herself before she phoned home again.
This time when her mom asked how dieting was going Mary had a quick reply, “I see myself looking beautiful each day mom, how’s dad doing?”
Sometimes using a mental equivalent of success also means stopping the flow of other people’s negativity to realize success. Over time, Mary chose to end calls with her parents if the tone turned destructive. Over time, her mother learned not to bring the topic up if she wanted to a relationship with her daughter.
A Mental Equivalent Of Success
You are always successful in creating your reality. Why not practice creating success in your life? For me, this came in the way of building an image in my mind, 
placing in on paper in my journal around my health coaching practice and acupuncture center. It is a reality because I see this in my mind’s eye daily and give thanks for the blessing of this.
A mental equivalent of success is working for you right now. Do you like what you’re creating? If not, practice. Think of it this way. You want to be better at golf or piano, or cooking. Would you practice the piano? Would you continue thinking about how ‘poor’ you play golf or how bad you cook?
Ernest Holmes said, “We should never lose sight of the fact that we are each given the individual right to use the law [cause & effect], and that we cannot escape from using it.”
I chose to use Mental Equivalency in my life to create a loving relationship with my husband and children. And to be financially successful as I help millions of people with their health and wellness. I accept Mental Equivalent into my life in a positive way to prosper and live a deeper spiritual path.
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