I am a big fan of classic Hollywood films and especially the film noir genre. There is something so spectacular about those movies that I just fall under their spell time and time again. The storylines, costumes, dialogue, and of course the femme fatales are more decadent than a delicious chocolate mousse.
One of my new favorites is the classic film Born to Be Bad with Joan Fontaine, Robert Ryan, and Zachary Scott. It’s a great movie in which the seemingly naive and innocent Christabel (played by Fontaine) insinuates herself into the relationship of Donna and Curtis. Donna and Curtis blissfully happy before Christabel arrives suddenly start showing cracks until the surface. And before too long, the ‘sweet and helpful’ Christabel has both Curtis and the restless writer Nick played by Robert Ryan both angling for her.
Fontaine’s character, the cool Christabel, knows how to create a triangle of desire by getting multiple men to vie for her affections. The more she keeps pushing them back and delaying making any real decision, the more she keeps them both on the hook fighting for her. Even after she has stolen Curtis away from Donna, she still keeps Nick on her mind yet pushes him away when she reunites with him.
The Christabel character is an excellent illustration of how someone can get others to think they are more desirable.
When we know someone has other people who desire them, they seem that much more attractive to us. And if others didn’t find our significant other attractive, smart, successful, et cetera then we might tend to question their worthlessness to be with us.
There is certainly a fine line to walk.
There needs to be just enough tension and delay of gratification that it keeps the other person guessing and wanting more. The longer you are able to do this without pushing them away for good- the more they will build up the value of your desire and want you even more so.
A word of caution though– if you play this ‘game’- you must be prepared that you might on occasion lose to someone in the triangle who doesn’t like playing second or third fiddle in your games. So wherever you go into things using this concept, be prepared for either outcome in the equation… both position or negative.
This week, how can you channel your inner Joan Fontaine to create triangles of desire in your life?
Hello, Melissa.
You might enjoy – or might not – The Biology of Desire, an intriguing look at addiction.
Marketing is all about desire, including creating a desire and holding the means for the appearance of satisfaction. For a price.
Desire comes from discontent, doesn’t it? It depends on the seductive appeal of what we don’t or cannot have, so it feeds the habit of dissatisfaction. If I desire what I already have, I no longer generate itches, so my emotional and spiritual skin is happy and unblemished.
Born to Be Bad is balanced by The Picture of Dorian Gray, isn’t it? And Oscar Wilde was no stranger to desire.
Be.
Mac
Dear Melissa,
A thought provoking essay! I had never viewed such situations as described, but I am now trying to remember such happenings.
My favorite movie is 1945 ‘Brief Encounter’ staring Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard.
Awfully English! Beautiful accents!
I do like yiur essay very much. As stated, thought provoking!
Simon