by Debra Arko Novotny, Featured Contributor
I had the highest compliment yesterday, by the cashier at Target. She told me how happy she was I came to your register because I am always happy. The truth is I project love that’s what she saw because I practice loving deeply.
It sounds a bit odd, even strange but when you love deeply it changes how you show up in the world. How we chose to love, where we get our love from, and why love plays a part in our daily work of life. She remembered me from a month ago excited about the new dusting mop, and dust cloth we were purchasing. How could anyone be excited to go home and clean house!
It wasn’t that I’m excited to do housework, it’s the fact I can do it. My physical body doesn’t stop me and I have a home not everyone can say this.
Loving Deeply Is Not Being Happy; It Produces Happiness
Often we look outside ourselves for love. We think if we find the right person to love us all will be beautiful. We expect someone else to bring us happiness all the while both are inside of us.
It took me a long time to find love. It was hard; I discovered I had it all backwards. I read words like the ones on this page but stayed stuck like a big stick in thick mud. The mud almost turned to cement around my feet as I thought about giving up on love.
That would have been a travesty. I would have stopped trying to love deep letting those who don’t understand love yet, hurt me or control me. It’s not other peoples’ fault. We all have this journey where loving deeply is concerned and we can’t do it for someone else; it’s a personal thing people must do themselves.
Loving deeply is a journey I discovered and along the way, I learned what it wasn’t too. These are the ideas that support me to be loving deeply on a daily basis.
3 Things Loving Deeply Is Not
- It is not something others do to us. I spent years expecting that earth shaking – almost mountain moving love to come from someone else. Like most people, I believed love was romantic fulfillment. Did I expect it to be pushed energetically into me by another individual who loved me more deeply than I love me? This is not loving deeply; It is controlling.I think women especially get the idea they need someone
to love them to be complete. It’s an age-old misconception of our self-worth.Many people are happy to supply others with a controlling love because it feels powerful. That’s not how love feels. - Love is not missing from our lives – we are missing life. I’ve found most people equate self-love with ego or being someone they find distasteful. We hear from an early age, not to be big headed, or to think we are so great. Nevertheless, you are great. You are terrific and you have to be okay with making mistakes even some things you aren’t proud of to love yourself deeply.
- Love doesn’t come to us. I remember the client who felt a little overweight. She was sure that if she lost 10 pounds she’d be ready to put herself out there to meet the right person. She reflected how as time went by all her friends were married and now she was the only single; as if being single was like being an outcast or leper.
3 Ways To Practice Loving Deeply
- Loving deeply our own self. We hear it in songs, it churches, even books. Love yourself first. Yeah right, you might say – I did. “I love myself so now give me the real stuff.” Be honest how many times did you think like this too.Do you remember the single client I mentioned earlier? She imposed self-exile because she wasn’t in love and married. She was so busy thinking weight loss made her more lovable she missed the boat when it came to projecting that she was a loving person who deserved intimate love.
- The problem is we know too much about ourselves. Loving deeply is totally about self-love. We can’t find So we ho
ld back our own love because we don’t think we are worthy of loving ourselves deeply. How can we change this dynamic?Forgive yourself. Practice daily telling yourself: “I forgive myself.” You may feel you contributed to your parents divorce or wasn’t a great parent [we all are getting it wrong according to our adult children without kids]. We all have lied in some way or cheated, and even hated someone. Forgive yourself. Say it daily even one you know you do forgive yourself. - Stop looking back. Focus on the now moment and find love in everyday things. It could be the baby in its mother’s arms sleeping away as she jostles to her destination. The way the way the city worker whistled a tune as you passed him on the street. The funky way her hair went this morning that wasn’t what you had in mind, but everyone thought was cool. Find the indications in daily life that show us love is everywhere.
- Love is the very essence of who we are. It is identical with God Project it outward to others and allow yourself to connect with Divine love or Spirit.
Loving deeply is totally about self-love. We can’t find romance or a life partner that will love us deeply if we don’t feel such a strong sense of deep love for ourselves first. My last suggestions – go back and read this last paragraph – then go back and read the entire article once more.
Like the back of a shampoo bottle say, wash-rinse-repeat. Do this daily until loving deeply is who you are and you cast it into the world lifting others up with your smile.
