Conflict: One of the Biggest Opportunities We Can Make the Most Of

Conflict: who loves addressing differences in ideas, values, needs, or directives?

Conflict as a noun is also known as a squabble, dispute, friction, falling out, etc. and therefore, two or more forces pulling or stating their point of view that don’t align together. There is a gap of agreement, or worse, a vindictive intent to cause disruption and block easy movement.

Conflict as a verb has more intense synonyms, including incompatible, irreconcilable, contrary, opposite, and the link. It would seem when we are conflicting, greater forces are blocking or harming the alignment between people and desired outcomes.

In personal development, conflict, its management, and resolution is a process and skill that can be learnt. Learning

• how to consider other people’s points of view.
• take responsibility for our interpretations/perceptions and filters used during situations,
• be clear of our values, history, triggers, and the stories we tell ourselves, and impose onto others regarding the message we hold onto and defend during the conflict process.
• knowing when to create space, time out, regroup, and consider new or alternative ways of sharing in ways others can hear and comprehend the gap/s easier.

Is conflict inevitable? I would dare say yes.

No two people will 100% agree on all points at all times, therefore, there will be moments when someone or people will have a different need, thought, belief, or priority to others, and depending on how the differences are delivered, interpreted and reacted to can be defining points towards reconciliation or not.

Conflict isn’t the only way through these issues, but if one is restricted or has a different perspective, need, availability, or value system playing out, then there is an increased likelihood the differences will require navigating, negotiating, or creating an agreement to enable a smooth passage towards the agreed end.

Like all self-development actions, often courage is required to look within and observe

• where and why they need to be heard;
• others ‘needn’t to be aligned with their way, and
• why their choices are important to them.

Now, I’m not saying everyone isn’t a priority because, usually, in conflict or struggle, the differences may not be that far apart, and simply explaining why we think our need, idea, or way is important could be all that is needed. Other times, more details and history can help other people/persons appreciate your point of view, why it is important to you, or for things to be done a particular way.

Whatever the reason for the conflict, honest integreous, gentle, open communication that is curious about the other’s side goes a long way to building trust and rapport and being receptive to creating a win-win. It also opens the way for self-awareness, conscious decision-making, and building a deeper relationship that can only be a win. These are not given, and it is interesting how different people create different communication and conflict styles.

Is it possible for one person to make the difference in situations or do all parties need to be active in the solution?

In some texts, namely religious and spiritual teachings, it is possible for one person to change the conflict dynamic.

See the love in the other person and self, and not focus on the conflicting portions – love conquers all approach.

To become detached from the emotions and see only the facts – this person is doing this, that is for them, and I choose not to engage or feel a reaction and allow them to be themselves.

To send love and forgiveness to the other, knowing the other is a mirror of ourselves and so bringing the focus back to ourselves and healing the issue being projected out like a movie into the world for us to see and interact with.

In psychology, there is the physical walking away, shutting down, removing the issue from our sphere, and focusing on what brings us joy and not necessarily addressing the issue triggered in our body/mind and blaming the other for being XYZ.

We label, name call, and make others less than others by doing so, yet sometimes, this is the only way for others to comprehend the conflicting parts are not intentional but a part of the way a person is wired, taught, or struggling to be ‘human’ and mature and still feel the feels that arise at times.

What if all of the above are appropriate?

Each person looks in, sees how they contribute to the situation or conflict, and owns their part, their history, their stories of what, where, how, and why, and heal this part. Send love to the other/s from a distance because that is all there is, and no one is at fault when they are struggling to meet other’s needs or expectations and their own at the same time.

No matter how conflict is moved through – assertive, passively, privately, or collectively, the overall goal is still the same – to create peace within, and where possible, continue to walk next to the other and, if not, then send each on their way with loving Grace, wishes and God’s blessings for each of us to live our way the best we can, with the lack or inadequate skills or mismatching ways we have.

Conflict isn’t easy, but if we learn more about ourselves and extend compassionate curiosity for ourselves and others, I do think we go a long way toward creating a more peaceful existence.

Consider this TED talk. It really is worth it: