I have a confession to make. My confession is that I am a panic-stricken neurotic nervous wreck. Events that other people can dismiss will send me spiraling into a full-blown panic attack. Those that know me will tell you I am a very mild mannered individual who generally gets along well with others. I always endeavor to try to help people who come to me seeking advice.
However, when I have a day like today where everything that can go wrong went wrong all bets are off. My credit card was acting up to the point where I had to change my password a couple of times as the system “locked me out.” It seems if you use your password too many times in a given amount of time this is what happens. Throw in three calls to Customer Service only to be given a different answer each time with the end result being no change. The short answer to this long story that would lead people to inquire as to what happened is “the system was lying to me.” They were deluged with calls like mine. The system was overloaded.
Finally after a near nervous breakdown as my rent was due today I was able to go to an ATM to withdraw the funds I needed. The “system” was sending out messages that if I access my account one more time yet again I would be locked out and have to change my password once more. That is what prompted the last representative I spoke to (this guy actually knew what he talking about and gave me the right answers and instructions) to inform me that due to this “overload” the system resorted to lying. I have to admit I am still trying to come to terms with the fact I had been lied to by a computer.
So that ended that stress and I was beginning to become a human being again until the next problem of the day popped up. I was trying to make a phone call (the nerve I had for trying to do that. I should be punished for my bad behavior) from my house phone only to continuously receive a message that “all circuits are busy now. please try your call again later.” So on top of the lying computer I now have to deal with a circuit problem. With Voice Over IP, this should never happen. Yes, my friends, it did happen and worse yet it happened to me today of all days.
Eventually (will wonders never cease) I was not only able to make my call but had the additional good fortune to connect to the party I was calling. If only this put an end to today’s saga I would have been happy that everything was over with and that all (thank G-d) concluded well. Sorry to say this was not the case as I could not clearly hear the person to whom I was talking and he was having trouble hearing me. We managed to meet up so that problem was eliminated at least for the time being. .We all have days that turn out like this one did for me. I have concluded that it was written or encircled on somebody’s calendar that today would be Joel’s day.
There is not even a monocle of doubt in my mind that today was indeed intended to be Joel’s “special” day. Being a logic driven person who prides himself on being able to not only multitask with ease but also remaining calm in crises forced me to serenely look heavenward to inquire as to what I had done to deserve this day to be bestowed upon me. Was the fact that our sweet, loving, and loyal cat bit my wife last night a sign of things to come especially since she never bites or scratches anyone. I then deducted that perhaps the explanation for so many things that went caput today could be attributed to the fact that the last few times I changed Juice’s water bowl I did not spill a drop as opposed to all other nights when I leave a trail of water that starts from the bathroom with the trail ending by the spot where her water and food dishes are kept. If these explanations prove to be non-factual I guess it is back to the drawing board in terms of finding the explanation for all of this.
At the time of the writing of this paragraph, it is 11:43 PM Eastern Standard Time. This means there is still ample time for something else to go wrong. Or perhaps I will soon be sent a signal that tomorrow (please, please with sugar on top) will be a better day. If somebody were to tell me do not worry I will go into panic mode. Worrying is one of my main specialties since I do it so well. Besides after all of the turbulence today I think I am entitled to a better tomorrow.
Four more minutes of waiting for the new day to begin so I can put this one behind me. This feeling is akin to a child anticipating gifts he is expecting to receive. Come to think of it this is exactly how I felt when it came to my birthday (even though I hated getting gifts) or Chanukah. No more waiting as Wednesday is now officially over! Sorry to say the day did not end smoothly as I could get a cup of chocolate pudding (it is a four pack) out from under the cardboard. When I finally accomplished that there was the task of trying to separate one container from the other and tear off the cover. It all went as it should.
So with that let me say goodnight to all of those who are still awake. Let me take a moment to wish all of you a bright and healthy day tomorrow and that all your days after that are filled with the promise of all good things to come. I hope you enjoyed my attempt at writing a satirical summation of a day in my life.