Comparing Can Also be Inspiring

“Oh, they have this or that.” With curious enquiry, one can consider your reaction.

• Why are you triggered by what others are doing, buying, or experiencing?
• What is the driving force behind your reaction?
• Are the words, ideas, ideals, drive, etc., yours by choice or what you learnt to think, feel and chase after by your parents, society, culture, peers, and others’ norms and expectations?
• Explore what feelings and meanings could be created in you if you did have or achieved similar to what you are comparing yourself to.

Are you inspired to reach similar for similar or more?

This question can dig up so much gold to work with. Test it. Ask yourself if you are inspired or lusting after what others are doing, experiencing, or have. Then, follow it with ‘why’. Continue with the layers of asking and exploring the deeper reasons why and what you are comparing to and for. For instance, when I started my healing journey, I did compare myself and my experiences to others.

• I purposefully sought evidence that others do and have loving, joyful, connected relationships.
• I sought out and learnt from people who knew about things I wanted to know and understand.

I saw others being, doing, having, and living in ways I wanted to. Yes, at times, I did feel bad, envious, and frustrated, but it also gave me hope that if they can, or they have, or have done what I would like, then it is possible. It also permitted me to step into the possibility and learn how to be-come the person I needed to be in order to create different and more of what I saw to be possible, from comparing myself with those who had and doing what I wanted.

Refine the initial thoughts and reactions to match our own priorities, interests, and values.

Check in with yourself. Is what others have, do, and experience exactly the way or what you would like? Using comparison, similar to window shopping for ideas and options, compare what others have and what or how you would do it differently.

• What would work for you, your family, your situation, and your current resources?
• What would you need, or choose to do differently to personalise and make the choices more meaningful for yourself and others involved in the changes?
• What resources might you need to achieve the aspirations, and are you ready to invest, or are you in the dreaming and playing stage? Both states are perfectly ok, by the way.
• Can you play a bit with the dreams or teaser thoughts of “Oh, I would love …..” What can you add to your life now, in smaller doses, to test and explore if the ideas are yours or another? If it brings light, pleasure, joy, excitement or other positive emotions, then there is likely something in it for you.
• Give yourself permission to play with the ideas and, over time, start to add in a few things. The slow upgrade plan, for instance, adds a bit of colour, or a different focal point to bring joy. Clean out the clutter and put pieces into the space that create more pleasure and the feelings you recognise as ideal during the exploration phase.

See and acknowledge how much they do have or move forward and celebrate the new or reminding awareness.

This step is really powerful, so take some time to make an inventory of what you already have, experiences, and feels in your life. It is possible you do have what you are comparing to but, have lost focus or appreciation simply out of familiarity and are taking it for granted. Take heart; this is normal, but you do have the power to shake your perspectives back into shape and revisit your current reality with fresh eyes and gratitude. The comparison phase can be a simple reminder of what you are doing, thinking, and experiencing, but have lost its shine.

Reflect on what you ‘want’, and see where you have the same or similarities to others.

• Do you go away on trips?
  • What is the difference between yours and theirs you are focusing on?
  • It is the way they travel, where they travel, frequency, etc.
  • What is it you are reacting to, and again, go around they exploration cycle?
  • Can you add into your trip parts of what you want more of?
• Meaningful, interesting, impactful, connecting activities
  • What do these or your chosen descriptions look and feel like? W
  • What would you be doing if you experienced these types of activities?
  • Does it require a different perspective – seeing the people and activity you are doing in a different way, focusing on the fun, pleasure, and other’s being there, exploring more of what you do want, or have forgotten about and downplay the parts that feel missing, trigger or annoy you, after all what we focus on does increase.
• More of things – clothes, gadgets, toys, etc.
  • Consider what you do have, what they do for you now, and what the new things ‘should’ bring you.
  • What do you already have in the cupboard or storage that does something similar to what you desire? Do these things simply need a cleanup, revamp, repurpose, or getting rid of and creating space for the item you need?
  • Can you create the desired ‘feelings’ with what you do have, after all, it is the feelings we desire behind the object of our desire. We want to feel xyz, and we believe that having, doing and being a certain way will create the feeling, yet we can create the feelings in many different ways if we choose to and learn how to.
• Let go of expectations, and work on being present, mindful of what is in front of you and how you interact, interpret, and communicate in the moment.

Heal the trigger parts in you – the not enough, not good, not worthy, not loved, not ……. These are the parts that feel when the comparison is made feel hurt – they want to be me enough, worthy, loved, and good, but conditioning says otherwise. Healing and transforming the past hurts into self-acceptance, love, esteem, and beliefs opens the doors to

• stepping into your power to choose you, choose what you do want,
• opens the gateway to receiving and choosing those things you desire.
• frees yourself from expectations and disappointments
• increases self-compassion and opens the way for meaningful steps forward with timing that works for you and those around you.
• You learn what does work for you and why.
• You own your choices, responsibilities for the choices and actions towards making dreams real.
• Prepares the way for patience, resilience, commitment and gentle persistence.
• Creates the space for healthy boundaries because you choose what is important to you from your conscious insights and choices. You are working for yourself, not other’s expectations or demands on your life experiences.

Comparison, when used for ‘good’ like all things really, has the potential to help us transform our life into what we desire.

Use it for your end purpose of opening the way of exploring what you think, feel, or are missing out in your life now, and explore if it is a truth, or if you have forgotten about what you do have and how you can create more of the same in more meaningful ways. Meaningful to you, that is.