Cogito, Ergo Sum!

Gumshoe never had the opportunity to greet and meet that very deep thinker, Mr. Descartes.  He coined the above-listed title Latin phrase that translates to American-speak:

I think, therefore I am.

Gumshoe wonders about just how long it took for Mr. “D” to come up with that profound pithy uttering? Possibly he had his Oprah “Eureka Moment” during his hot yoga class?

Gumshoe also pictures in his mind’s eye if Mr. “D” (sans his toga-like apparel) possibly struck “The Thinker” pose while sitting on a large rock.

Note:  Please see Monsieur Auguste Rodin’s sculpture for reference.

Possibly, the hard surface on Mr. D’s posterior caused Mr. D’s mental contemplation to come full circle before “Preparation H” was required on his butt’s physical exertion?  “Ouch! That’s one Rubicon he did not want to cross.

Gumshoe also ponders if Mr. “D” had partaken in an unknown quantity of cups of wine that probably killed some of his ancient brain cells but loosened his philosophical Latin tongue?

You must understand dear readers that all street cops come into direct contact with multiple Descartes impersonators on a daily basis whom make mind-puzzling and profound declarations.

To wit:

“I watch TV cop shows officer and I know the law!”

“You can’t arrest me because you don’t have enough PC (probable cause)!”

“You can’t search me (or my car or my house) without a warrant!”

“Why did you stop me and I don’t have to show you any ID!”

“Why don’t you go after real criminals!”

“I’m not drunk Officer, I only had two drinks!”

“I don’t have to do anything you say!”

“The stuff (narcotics, contraband, firearms, evidence) you found is not mine officer!”

“Don’t you know officer who I am?” or “I know your chief!”

“You can’t touch me, officer!”

“I am not going to jail!”

“If you didn’t have that badge, I’ll kick your a**!”

Gumshoe’s personal favorite, “I pay your salary officer!”

Please note gentle readers that these “brain-dead Descartes-like individuals always amused Gumshoe.

They never really did think and therefore the handcuffs “clicked-closed” on their “Am I really going to jail?” Therefore, they did!

In closing gentle readers, always remember to love the ones who love you and try to love the ones who don’t.

Coram Deo!


Danny Pitocco
Danny Pitocco
RETIRED (as a Detective with the Snohomish County Sherriff’s Department, Washington State), Danny has over forty years of law enforcement experience across city, county, state and federal levels of government, including service as a Special Agent for the DEA, US Department of Justice. He’s a decorated law enforcement veteran, and recipient of the "Detective of the Year" award for Snohomish County, Danny is a certified composite artist and has testified as an expert witness in the field of narcotics and modus operandi of particular crimes in state and federal courts in California, and has given testimony before federal grand juries. Danny served four years of active duty in the US Marine Corps and loves Jesus as his personal savior.

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  1. Another great article Gumshoe and I liked Lynn’s response. I may have told this story before and if I did I apologize for repeating it. I had just started on the job as a young rookie. A call goes out regarding a large disturbance at a south side bar. I was one of the responding units. On arrival I see a couple of uniform officers trying to cuff up a guy and he breaks free and starts running south down the street. I give chase and finally catch up to him and after a few minutes of rolling around on the ground and with the help of another officer we finally get him cuffed up. Get him back to the scene and I try handing him over to the uniforms that he got away from. I hear nice job rookie, he’s your collar. They put him in the back seat of my patrol car and I head to booking.
    The guy is giving me crap all the way back to the station. Get to booking. Back then the county and city booking were side by side in the same building.
    I get him inside and the City Booking Officer tells me to take off the cuffs. Now the City booking officer was someone you really didn’t want to screw with.
    He was a a Mason by trade during his off duty hours and had arms twice the size of mine.
    So I take off the cuffs and the perp starts acting up shouting at me that he will remember me and when he gets out he and his three brothers are going to kick my ass. Next thing I know the booking officer literally jumps over the booking desk and grabs the suspect by the neck and jacks him up against the wall. He says to the subject now what did you say to this officer? The guy repeats what he said and the booking officer says well you get your three brothers and this officer will get his 300 brothers and we can have at it.
    With that he lets the guy go and I finish booking the guy. It was at that point that I realized that no matter what I had the backing of my brothers in blue.
    Your story brought back a lot of memories and I had heard almost every one of those saying through out my career and again Lynn’s response was one I hadn’t heard before.
    One more thing, The one where “If you didn’t have that badge etc”. My response was always “don’t let that stop you, if you feel froggy leap”.
    Thanks again,
    Semper Fi

    • Great story my brother in blue. Booking officers always had my back as well. I never ever took serious any suspects threats against me. However, if they decided to pose a threat to my family it was a different story. I had a very personal up-close counseling session with them. I made sure that I thanked the suspect in a loud friendly voice (in front of the other jail inmates) just how much I appreciated his cooperation and the specific information that he provided me to make further arrests. I also told him (in that loud friendly voice) that I would make sure that the Prosecutor’s Office will know of his assistance.
      Funny, the other inmates took care of any suspect who had made the stupid mistake of threatening my loved ones. Street justice was served.
      Thanks again Jar Head for your response. Semper Fi!

  2. Hard to imagine what was the more challenging part of police work – dealing with actual criminals OR dealing with idiotic, immature, irrational behavior. It must have been a bright light in your day when you had a citizen actually take responsibility for their mistake and treat you with respect!

    • You’re sooooo right my brother Mike. I quickly learned that in police work it was best for me not to judge folks by my own sense of mores, integrity, civility, language or actions — It would always lead to shock and disappointment.

      I only had to hold individuals to the standards of the prescribed laws and codes and take appropriate police action. The remainder was a three ring circus with one too many clowns!

  3. Cops hear it all Nightingale. Gumshoe did not do justice to the excuses for folks speeding, running traffic signals or for not wearing seat belts . . .
    “I have a full stomach”; “It makes me itch”: “It keeps me from reaching for things” and Gumshoes favorite, “I might be pregnant and I don’t want to squish the baby”.

    • I am constantly amazed at the wordage of your articles and how one can learn from those words. I think I remember one phrase also that was given to me at least once or twice a day as I pulled someone over for running a stop sign:
      Officer! I just saw two other people do the same thing, why are you going to write them a ticket! My reply was: have you ever gone fishing in a stream: if so, how many fish can you catch, the reply was always “one”…. “well” I would say, I guess you are the one!