Writing has a way of revealing things. I had an epiphany about how we handle or don’t handle, change, loss, rejection.
Isn’t it ironic how often we can take something that’s good and turn it into something negative? I’ve done it. I think we all have.
There’s nothing negative about loss or change, or even rejection. It’s all in how deeply we look at it. It’s all good. In everything, there is something positive. It’s just that we get stuck in negative mode and become temporarily blinded.
Take the blinders off and see the light.
Look at the very natural phenomena of menopause (change) for example. Volumes have been written about the hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, dull foggy brain. Yes, going through any hormonal change is tough. I recall puberty it was not pleasant. But we all made it, didn’t we? Menopause isn’t fun, but it doesn’t last forever, and it’s heavenly when it’s over. It’s just a phase. I get crazy about things like this because it seems to me it’s just a way to play with people’s emotions and possibly sell them estrogen supplements. What?! Who in their right mind would want to bring back periods or prolong the menopause process? No one talks about the perks, only the negatives.
Take the word divorce (loss & change). Eww. Ugly right? Why? Because of the court processes; the fighting; the tug of war about material ‘things’ and the children. Divorce, however, is about ending a bad relationship. I don’t see anything negative about that. Ask the kids-they’ll tell you mom and dad should’ve divorced a long time ago.
Divorce ranks high on the scale of stress, so does living in an abusive or bad relationship. The difference is: there’s nothing positive in an abusive relationship. Some marriages are fixable; some are not. Where there is abuse or narcissism, there is damage beyond repair. All relationships require love and care NPD’s lack the ability to care about others.
Rejection is not pleasant, but most of us will experience it. I have received a handful of rejection letters from New York agents/publishing houses, but I’m not crushed. I have hope because John Grisham was rejected more than a hundred times when he was trying to find a publisher for his first novel. It turned out to be a major motion picture and so did many of his other novels. Imagine that: John Grisham in the ‘rejection pile’. Hahaha. How did the agents and publishers who rejected him feel as he rose to steady worldwide fame?
Rejection is tricky. We tend to either heap the blame on someone else or totally blame ourselves. We need to be fair and balanced. If you did poorly in a job interview maybe the person in HR who interviewed you could have worded their questions better. Maybe the whole fail was on them for not realizing you were the right fit? Why are we so quick to blame ourselves? Maybe you were judged by the one wrong answer you gave, or for some other trivial reason. Maybe you flubbed the answer, because something about the place, or that person, made you uneasy. Even an interview relationship is a two-way street. So, if you tried to get the job and didn’t get it, move on, and take your smile with you.
I’m in the full sunlight, no blinders. Please join me.