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Change, Loss, Rejection – Take The Blinders Off and See The Light

Writing has a way of revealing things. I had an epiphany about how we handle or don’t handle, change, loss, rejection.

Isn’t it ironic how often we can take something that’s good and turn it into something negative? I’ve done it. I think we all have.

There’s nothing negative about loss or change, or even rejection. It’s all in how deeply we look at it. It’s all good. In everything, there is something positive. It’s just that we get stuck in negative mode and become temporarily blinded.

Take the blinders off and see the light.

Look at the very natural phenomena of menopause (change) for example. Volumes have been written about the hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, dull foggy brain. Yes, going through any hormonal change is tough. I recall puberty it was not pleasant. But we all made it, didn’t we? Menopause isn’t fun, but it doesn’t last forever, and it’s heavenly when it’s over. It’s just a phase. I get crazy about things like this because it seems to me it’s just a way to play with people’s emotions and possibly sell them estrogen supplements. What?! Who in their right mind would want to bring back periods or prolong the menopause process? No one talks about the perks, only the negatives.

Take the word divorce (loss & change). Eww. Ugly right? Why? Because of the court processes; the fighting; the tug of war about material ‘things’ and the children. Divorce, however, is about ending a bad relationship. I don’t see anything negative about that. Ask the kids-they’ll tell you mom and dad should’ve divorced a long time ago.

Divorce ranks high on the scale of stress, so does living in an abusive or bad relationship. The difference is: there’s nothing positive in an abusive relationship. Some marriages are fixable; some are not. Where there is abuse or narcissism, there is damage beyond repair. All relationships require love and care NPD’s lack the ability to care about others.

Rejection is not pleasant, but most of us will experience it. I have received a handful of rejection letters from New York agents/publishing houses, but I’m not crushed. I have hope because John Grisham was rejected more than a hundred times when he was trying to find a publisher for his first novel. It turned out to be a major motion picture and so did many of his other novels. Imagine that: John Grisham in the ‘rejection pile’. Hahaha. How did the agents and publishers who rejected him feel as he rose to steady worldwide fame?

Rejection is tricky. We tend to either heap the blame on someone else or totally blame ourselves. We need to be fair and balanced. If you did poorly in a job interview maybe the person in HR who interviewed you could have worded their questions better. Maybe the whole fail was on them for not realizing you were the right fit? Why are we so quick to blame ourselves? Maybe you were judged by the one wrong answer you gave, or for some other trivial reason. Maybe you flubbed the answer, because something about the place, or that person, made you uneasy. Even an interview relationship is a two-way street. So, if you tried to get the job and didn’t get it, move on, and take your smile with you.

 I’m in the full sunlight, no blinders. Please join me.

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Laurie Hill
Laurie Hill
Laurie Hill holds a Liberal Arts degree from Pennsylvania State University and a Certificate for Writing Social Commentary, (2006). Having traveled to many countries she is a passionate promoter for world peace for all people and all religious thought, as long as its base is non-violent, and respects individual freedom. An aspiring novelist with three completed novels she is currently working to publish her third. She has resided in Jeddah for twenty-eight years.

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16 CONVERSATIONS

  1. Ma shaa Allah Laurie,
    Your writing style has once again, floored me.
    Ma shaa Allah
    A wise colleague once told me , all of us, we dread change and loss . But we come to certain phases in life that we once thought we would never survive. Then they come , they pass and we blissfully forget. A Mercy from our Rabb.

    Here I would like to gently remind you of the verses ,
    Sura Al Baqarah :216
    ‘BUT PERHAPS YOU HATE A THING AND IT IS GOOD FOR YOU, AND PERHAPS YOU LOVE A THING AND IT IS BAD FOR YOU ,AND ALLAH KNOWS, WHILE YOU KNOW NOT.’

    • Anonymous, is this Erin or Nadee or Dr. Pasqua?
      I agree that sometimes we hate a thing but it is good (or necessary for us). I’m a firm believer in ‘maktoub,’ meaning, whatever Allah allows is what we must go through and do it to the best of our ability! ameen.
      thank you Anon. please let me know who you are mystery commenter….;)

  2. Laurie, none of us come into this world with the knowledge of where we will be should we be blessed to live to a ripe old age. Changes will come and go, but how we handle them is the key. When something doesn’t work for us, there should be another avenue we venture into. I know when I started Law Enforcement in the early 70’s where women were small, far and few in between, just stepping into no man’s land, I persevered despite all the negativity, macho, sterotype thoughts that came my way. I am proud to say without being boastful that I was good at my job and ended up accomplishing things others thought I couldn’t. Insightful article.Thank you.

    • Wow Lynn, you must have lots of wonderful and not so wonderful stories or insights on life to tell. What an interesting life you and your husband have lived, both serving in law enforcement.
      I appreciate your comment. true, we aren’t born with a manual on how to do anything.
      I’m very proud of you for the work you did as a woman in a mostly male environment/vocation. Couldn’t have been easy but I’m sure there were ‘brothers’ who tried to treat you fairly too.

    • I love that thought Laura, the silver lining… in the darkest times.
      thank you for your comment. I just feel, if I can help anyone not prolong their struggle, I’ve done something good by sharing. So glad to have this opportunity.

  3. Lovely article Laurie. Change is inevitable for all of us, men and women alike. Eventually we all get old and go through certain physical changes, it is par for the course. A few years ago I turned 40 and noticed I didn’t have the same energy levels as I previously had. It was definitely an indication that I couldn’t beat the crap out of myself anymore and expect the same results. But as certain things change, I find myself more drawn toward an intellectual light… I still exercise plenty, but I spend much more time nourishing my mind these days. The brain is the muscle we’re going to need most as we age. Anyway, not sure why I’m rambling about this, but reading articles like this helps me to realize why I need to stay positive and avoid things that are negative and depressing… 🙏

    • I appreciate your taking the time to share Aaron! Not rambling at all. Mid forties is still young.

      I used to do aerobics everyday… those were the days… haha

      I’m at the stage in life where for the first time in my life, I’m thinking of myself a little more. We have to be kind to ourselves as we age. (We may feel like 18 hahaha but we’re not).

      God bless Aaron, thank you for your support.

    • Thank you Larry! We can all be fearful sometimes, but if we keep walking we do become stronger. I’m glad you understood the main concept of darkness and how it’s just a negative momentary thing we can flip to see the good side of even the most awful experience.
      thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it and you.

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