It amazes me that we humans reject certain things and only accept them after paying a heavy price. When we have to accept what we rejected before is a big question why not then have not then accepted from the beginning?
Change goes in four main stages. These are rejection, resistance, acceptance, and demanding what we initially rejected.
Change happens but at a heavy cost. Like two warring countries rejecting a compromising solution and going to war both suffering heavy losses. Only then, do they accept what they initially rejected?
The question that we need all answer is can we accept change from outside even if we do not accept ourselves and suffer from self-rejection?
Self-rejection happens when we accept what others think of us and we sink into the belief that we are worthless. When we face self-rejection, we fall into despair. We lose hope and may reach a stage of depression.
It is a reverse cycle of normal change. It is accepting the low evaluation of others in us to reject ourselves.
The antagonist becomes us more than the antagonist from outside who demean us. Can be there any hope to make a meaningful change before defeating the antagonist inside us?
My answer is no. We can only walk our way in life if we first accept ourselves. By doing so, we gain self-esteem. We gain self-confidence. We become more aware of our authenticity. We become self-supporters.
When we accept pain, we can change. We save our energy and resources to move forward rather than draining them and becoming even less self-accepting.
Change has a story that tells us unless we accept ourselves we cannot deal with changes from outside. We fail to adapt and lose our agility. We reject ourselves like people who reject the wrinkles of time. They spend their effort on fighting time. Eventually, they realize that the only way forward is to accept themselves with their wrinkles.
Accepting what we rejected before can be very costly. Let us accept who we are.
Ha-Ho Brother Ali – another “you’ve been reading my mail” moment!
Your Rejection-Resistance-Acceptance-Demanbd is exactlky how I respond to editing -especially that done by my wife -“That’s a terrible idea -you’re ruining my work – well maybe this but not that– yeah, you’re right it’s better- give me some other ideas” (repeat)
We often talk about an ideal change process -insight-action-result, but that belies our emotional being. Elizabeth Kubler Ross got at this a bit with her stages of grief Shock/Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance, but even those stages suggest a logical forward progression rather than the back and forth moment to moment, getting stuck sometimes, going backward again process that many of us go through with bad news.
Altrernatively, we can get feedback abd turn inward as I did last night when I received a review of my consulting book draft – “Oh maybe I should just drop this idea -as my experience isn’t worth anything to young consultants.” But I’m better this morning.
Thanks for excellent thought.
With a big smile I read your comment Alan. I read your mail because simply you are a brother.
Love your laboration by using your personal experience and the mention of the grand model of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. I agree with you that stages feedback to each other.
My best wishes for your new book. It must be a smiley one
I am surprised that you focus on the trolls on the outside, Ali. What about the angles?
The real problem is that too often we believe the trolls over those we otherwise trust to want the best for us. Why are we selecting feedback for those who want to minimize us rather than those who love us? (love to me here defined as “wanting the other to become all they are meant to become”. )
Excellent idea, Charlotte
Definitely I agree with you. Whoever wants to belittle us should be discarded rather be welcomed.
To allow trolls to do the same leads also to self-rejection. This we should not allow.
Fabulous comment, Aldo
The law of polarity applies to change as well. As there is positive change there is also negative change.
You explained the meaning of this so well in your comment. When we lose our authenticity we follow others irrespective of whether we need/want this or not.
One example is following fashion to please others whether even asking if we have the financial resources. The result in many times living in debt.
Like you said we need to do self revision to be able to allow in what is good for us
I’ve honestly never considered accepting after what we’ve rejected before, but I absolutely agree that such behavior can come at a high cost.
I am absolutely convinced instead of the fact that knowing yourself is essential for a conscious life path.
The present time, dominated by superficial living, seems to have forgotten the decisive importance of an authentic and profound knowledge of oneself. At the roots of our history and our culture there is the Socratic motto “know thyself”.
It is fundamental, and possible, to know oneself profoundly in order to be able to lead one’s existence to the fullest, even in unfavorable circumstances. Knowing yourself is the result of an introspective work in which you discover resources and limits that you can’t overcome, thus being able to face and defeat them. This process can be considered a real evolutionary path towards awareness.
Looking inside and knowing yourself allows you to have confidence in your own personality, also promoting empathy with others. An aware person is more real, honest, nice and empathetic: he knows how to manage his own emotions and connect with those of the people around him.