The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought and attended to my answer.
– Henry David Thoreau
Are we asking each other the right questions? Or are we just being polite?
Are we asking each other questions that are meaningful? Or just transactional?
Are we asking each other questions that matter? And are we really listening to the response?
We seem to be moving too quickly and without intention or curiosity. When and where can we pause to connect and reflect?
What if we move further away from ‘How are you?’ and closer to ‘What is the best thing that happened to you today?’ Or if we are at a social gathering instead of ‘What do you do?’ to “What is happening in your life right now that you would like to share?’ Imagine how you would feel if someone asked you a question with sincere interest and then actively listened to your response.
The idea here is for us to cultivate deeper connections through authentic engagement, and sincere curiosity. At our core, don’t we all just want to be seen, heard, and understood?
Two things to consider here are, what questions can we ask that push past the obvious and open the door to topics where we can find common ground or learn something new. And what is the quality of our listening?
I love what David Brooks says: “Be a loud listener. When another person is talking, you want to be listening so actively you’re burning calories.”
I recently rediscovered ‘The Proust Questionnaire’; a set of questions designed to reveal people’s personality, values, and preferences. It originated from a parlor game popularized by Marcel Proust, the French writer and essayist, who believed that one’s answers to these questions could provide insights into their character. These questions are frequently used even today for interviews.
Some examples:
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
What is your greatest fear?
Which living person do you most admire?
What is your greatest extravagance?
What is your current state of mind?
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
What is your motto?
I think it is understood these are not typical or casual questions, but they do give us the opportunity to go deeper in understanding the essence of the person we are connecting with.
So come up with some questions that feel right for you and create an opportunity to really engage at a new level of curiosity and connection.
My question for you:
“What is the best concert you have ever attended?”
I really want to know.
