I am sure most of us have had our heart broken at some point in our lives. I thought about a time in my life when I went through a pretty hard time. I will explain how it all went down, and how I handled the breakup. But most importantly, how I picked myself up one night I was hurting. To this day, this is the first time I have ever told anyone the whole story about what I did that night….Let me explain.
I remember about a year after my divorce, I wondered if I would ever meet anyone that would help heal my heart. When you are trying to start your life over, but have an infant at home, restarting a life can be a challenge. But, one day I did meet a guy who turned my world around in an instant. We spent a lot of fun times together in the short time we dated. He had his own small children and my having a little one did not both him at all. He was that dream guy for me. The kind of guy and connection I never thought I would have again in my life. During the time he and I dated, I was living in a new townhouse. My next door neighbor said she could hear us laughing through the walls. He and I really did have that much fun together. We seemed like the perfect couple. Or, at least I thought we were the perfect match.
We dated for a few months, then one Friday, he called and asked if I could meet him at a dance place across the river. He suggested I bring a friend who could meet his friend for a double date. So, I asked my next door friend to go with me and luckily, she agreed. She and I traveled across to the other side of town and within a few minutes of our arrival, the guys walked in as well. We all sat down at a table, and I could tell my guy was not his usual happy self. I asked him if something was wrong, and he said he would tell me later so it would not ruin our night.
Never in a million years did I think he would have those words come out of his mouth, and those words would stab me in the heart.
How are you supposed to wait until the end of the night when you know something is wrong? I asked him to just tell me what was going on. He told me that the night before, his old girlfriend stopped by to talk, and she spent the night. Needless to say, my heart broke in an instant. Never in a million years did I think he would have those words come out of his mouth, and those words would stab me in the heart. He told me he did not know what to do, and he was very confused. So, I just told him he owed it to himself to find out if she was what he wanted. I felt if he stayed with me, he would always wonder if he made a mistake. He immediately told me he never expected me to react with such understanding, and hugged me as I melted in his arms, I held back the tears of the inevitable good-bye I never anticipated.
When I left that night, I was in a lot of pain. And my neighbor had a bit too much to drink and was not feeling her best. We were both a mess as I drove us home. Luckily the police did not pull us over that night. Can you imagine what the officer would have seen? Me crying my eyes out with my makeup running down my face, and her slurring her words and doing everything she could to keep from getting sick in the car. We both just wanted to get home. We finally arrived home and as soon as she got out of the car, she threw up in her front yard. I felt so bad for her and she felt horrible for me too. I made sure she got in her house, then went next door to my home and cried all night long. The next morning, she called to check on me. I wasn’t any better and she was still sick. Needless to say, that day she and I didn’t move from our homes.
Weeks went by and she and I decided we needed to get out of the house, so we went to a local spot. While there, one of his friends came up to me and told me he was asked to relay a message that my former guy stated he spent the day with this other girl and didn’t know what he was thinking. This guy stated he asked that I hang in there. Unfortunately, that message gave me hope. But, I did not hear from him, which only kept me broken hearted.
The next weekend was Halloween, and all of my friends wanted me to come out and go dancing with them. Everyone was dressing up to go out for the haunted evening, and I was just too broken hearted to think of going out. I did not want any of my friends to see how sad I was, so I told them I was staying home. After a few hours went by, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, and dressed up and was going to go out. After my son was fast asleep, I call my babysitter in the neighborhood to come over so I could go out for a few hours. I did not want anyone to know who I was, so I went out as a character I planned a few weeks before that was in a commercial back years ago. I was going to be a California Raisin.
For those of you who do not remember the California Raisin commercials, a ‘bunch’ of raisins danced around in white sunglasses with white gloves and black boots to, “I heard it through the grapevine,” promoting of all things, California Raisins. Those commercials used to be pretty popular. The costume was fantastic to hide from everyone. I had purchased purple material and made a round garment to mimic a pumpkin and stuffed it. I used some of the material to hide all of my hair (people would know me back then by my blonde hair), and then I had brown tights on to cover my arms, and my legs. I put on white sunglasses, black mini-boots, and white gloves. I hope you at least have a vision in your mind of this outfit. I was ready to ‘wow’ the crowd!
I walk in the door and was immediately amongst the witches, werewolves and sexy bunnies. I was the only California Raisin. I certainly had people looking at me, and people stated I had a pretty cool costume, but I had to change my voice. Nobody knew who I was because I was completely covered up. So, I had to be careful to only dance as a raisin too. If I danced like I usually did, then people would know who I was….so, my act continued. It wasn’t too long into the night when a good friend of mine asked me to dance. I had my best California Raisin dance going, and he stopped me and laughed and said, “I am so sorry, but I just can’t dance with a raisin.” He had no idea who I was, and I had to control my laugh. I also brought an oversized black lingerie because they were having a contest. At midnight, the contest was, ‘The sexiest thing in black lingerie.’ You got it, at midnight, I threw that thing on over my fat, plump purple raisin costume and had the entire place laughing.
For a time anyway, I was able to forget how heartbroken I was and really enjoyed being someone else that nobody knew.
I actually was having a great time being somewhere where my friends were but had no idea who I was the entire night. Until…..’He’ walked in with ‘her.’ My world stopped at that moment. They were arm-in-arm and I froze for a minute. I could hear my heart beat and could not breathe. So, I decided I had to leave, and actually had to walk right past them to get to the door. I knew at that point, his plea to get the message to me to ‘hang in there,’ was no longer true. And, my tender heart was bruised all over again. I drove home once again crying, and could not wait to get out of my costume and cry the last cry I was going to allow with that relationship.
Sometimes, you just have to pull yourself up any way that you can to regain who you are and decide to move forward.
I have seen so many people get stuck in the pain and never get over it, which is really bad for anyone. So, here are a few suggestions of things I have learned over the years to help you come back from a broken heart.
- There is nothing wrong with being sad. Cry if you need to, but try to limit your grief. You have too much life ahead of you. Of course, with timing, this completely depends on each situation
- Figure out what you like to do, and do it
- Seek out different places to go, not the places you went as a couple
- Meet new people, and do new things
- Smile, even though smiling is the last thing on your mind
I always smile through the pain. If you smile and make others happy, soon smiling will make you happy too. This song comes to mind and comforts me when I need to get through a hard time. I hope it helps you too!
Music by Charles Chaplin, Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
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