How many times have you said to yourself “I’ll do that when I have enough (fill in the blank)”? Maybe you inserted money. Maybe time. Maybe mental capacity. Maybe freedom. Whatever you inserted, it is just an excuse. Honestly, it is.
Okay, I hear you say. Maybe you really don’t have enough money, time, etc in the moment, but what are we ‘really’ saying to ourselves?
For those that even partly know me, I am a huge fan of Nilofer Merchant’s work around Onlyness; that spot in the world that only you stand. I am increasingly stepping into my unique Onlyness, whilst collaborating with many humans, however, I hit a ‘BS wall’ earlier today. When evaluating whether I could work with Nilofer Merchant, I offered the email reply of “ It WILL happen at some point Nilofer, just sense it energetically!”
The fatal ‘what-if’s
Now at the point at which I sent that, I genuinely felt that I would work with Nilofer at some point, however, I did not realise at the time that I was dropping into ‘what if’ mode.
- What if I don’t get the bonus I am waiting for?
- What if things change on the work front?
- What if ………………………………….?
Then the most honest, vulnerable what-if of them all, hit me:
- What if I waste the money as I am a) not ready or b ) not good enough?
Notice how we have to drop below the surface BS to get to the root of our thinking/story that we are telling ourselves.
It is like peeling layers off an onion — we need to get to the root cause of thought, not just the surface one(s).
I share this blog solely and only to offer a reflective safe space for you, the reader, to pause; check-in; and be sure that the decision you are making is the one you wish to make, whatever that looks like, and is not grounded in fear.
It is good to keep an eye out for one another when it does it rear its head, just to ensure that we are not holding ourselves back, by being stuck in our heads. It is rare these days that a situation really justifies the depth of the story that we are telling ourselves, but of course, if it does, listen to it!
Really so what?
So I WILL be working with Nilofer to ‘clarify one’s Onlyness.’ My Onlyness.