by Donnette Pinkerton, Featured Contributor
DO YOU REMEMBER your high school graduation day? That morning you woke up with the warm rays of the sun caressing your face? This was the only time since summer started that the sun’s rays felt good on your face. Finally your stomach was not cramped as you woke up and you were no longer on the verge of vomiting. This was the day that you got to leave bullying behind. You were smart and got straight As which caused angry people to torment you. Now you were going to move on and get a job where being smart was respected. This was an exciting day.
Fast forward 10 years and you are again waking up with cramps, vomiting, and anxiety attacks. Your best friend just killed herself because the boss made up so many lies that it had destroyed her life. Why does your stomach hurt so badly? Why do you struggle breathing every day? Why is it that when you see your boss your body starts to shake? Unfortunately, your boss was one of the mean kids, but now he is all grown up.
The Bully Boss hates how you have a friendly attitude so he tells Human Resources that you are very unprofessional and you are immediately placed on a plan to straighten up or you are terminated. You go home and cry to your husband stating that you do not understand that you bend over backwards for him doing everything in your power to please him. You work 90 hours a week and only get paid for 40, but you never complain. Why is he being so mean to you?
However, all of this bullying has caused your husband to file for divorce because of the stress it has caused him for your mental abuse. You are not the only person being targeted when a bully attacks you. The bully is actually murdering the souls of your children and of your husband, because you come home emotionally upset and lean on your husband. The mental abuse from your tormentor is now mentally abusing your kids as they see mommy all upset and crying and your husband has to experience the abuse by visualizing as you speak of your attacks. Bullies kill families and one of the reasons it is very important to bully proof yourself.
Jealousy creates a ‘Mean Kid All Grown Up’ to abuse his power as a manager. Victims generally have a bubbly personality and are well liked by coworkers and customers. The Bully Boss hates when people compliment you and creates a mob. A mob is when a bully rounds up other people to bully you as well. The Bully Boss then generally turns the victim into Human Resources under false claims and 67% of these victims lose their career because of the jealous Bully Boss.
Bullying physically kills people as well. Many people feel that their life is over, so some people do commit suicide as the bullying starts way before being turned into Human Resources. Also, the victims’ immune system dies off causing serious illnesses, cancer develops from the stress, and panic attacks become a common daily activity, and much, much more.
The Bully Boss enjoys how he can intimidate others into being cruel to you and will use disrespectful language towards you all while smiling ear-to-ear. The Bully Boss knows that if you turn him in he will get the witnesses to say you are lying and you were the one actually being unprofessional. You feel miserable as he expresses to you if you helped him bully other people he would quit tormenting you. Most of your coworkers picked up on this same game as whenever your name is mentioned about what a terrific job you do you will generally hear the words, “ugh! I hate that girl”. Your heart falls to the pit of your stomach, but you still refuse to bully others in return of having your torments end.
The Bully Boss has gotten away with being a bully for years. Punching the table and the walls during a professional meeting is common and people do not even flinch. Your manager has been a manager for 29 years and has always been physically and mentally violent and has never once even had a manager ask him to stop. In fact, he has his manager’s mobbing people as he has the skill to bully those who are his supervisors as well. You know that there is no hope for you because 96% of bosses that do get in trouble for bullying will still continue to bully. Termination you know will be of no use either because 91% will find a way to continue to bully you regardless of being terminated. Your Bully Boss is the mean kid that was kicked out of school for beating you up for getting an A on your test. He still finds a way to beat you up while you are on your way to school in the morning. This time the kid grew up and learned how to get people to believe that you are the ‘bad’ kid and that he is the ‘good’ kid.
I proved that the “Mean Kid All Grown Up” completely made up that I was unprofessional. Many people that the Bully Boss did not win over went up and stated who I really was. I took many emails to prove where I stayed professional even when Bully Boss was being very unprofessional. Then the argument was started that I was “very professional, but she fakes it”. Let me be your older sister and pave the path for you: Although I did not fake being professional as it is natural for me to care and want to do a great job, it still would not matter if I was ‘faking’ being professional. Do not believe anyone telling you ‘faking’ being professional is a reason to get in ‘trouble’. A hero is still hero even when he is scared. He may seem he is faking being brave, but bravery is bravery regardless if fear is involved or not. You are professional when you calmly listen to your boss regardless if you want to get after your Bully Boss for punching your office wall while he is telling you how much he doesn’t like you.
Human Resources started protecting me and gave me a new boss as lies were continuously flooding on their desk and they did not want to have me picked on. The new boss proved my Bully Boss lied for telling Human Resources that I did poor work all year. Due to all of the compliments that were continuously flooded into my new boss’s email he started investigating this “poor work” and discovered that it was done 100% and much better than the rest of my team. Therefore, the new argument was, “Well she does a great job, but at the expense of others”. Again, let me be your older sister and pave the path for you: Although I did a great job it was pushed that I did it at “the expense of others” which is not true as I really care about people. However, regardless of your reason of doing an excellent job does not make your work poor because you had your own reasons of wanting to do an excellent job. Bullies are mainly interested in making the victim feel really bad because it makes them feel good. Work on letting your spirit be free by taking 15 seconds each morning and thinking about what you have been successful at.
Do not tell me, “but Donnette there is not anything I have succeeded at”. Are you reading this? Yes? Let me tell you something: You are successful at reading since you are reading this as 82% people cannot read. You have so much to be proud of. However, do not just be proud, but be the opposite of your Bully Boss and reach out to people in need. Teach an adult today to read. You have a lot of successes in your life and you need to remind yourself so you can better “bully proof your world”. One of my passions is showing people how to bully proof their world so that they can clearly see their true gifts in this world.
You might tell me, “but Donnette, you do not understand as I am still being bullied and he still is allowed to get away with it.” Do not think for a moment that my Bully Boss stopped as he has written fake blogs with name and picture attached, but forgot to actually place it on the Internet after he printed it out and reported me. Therefore, when others and I went searching for the blog we discovered that it did not exist. Compliance and Human Resources let it go from my side, but that does not mean that they are not investigating my Bully Boss as I would not be told.
I do not know why the Bully Boss still rolls his eyes or pretends that I do not exist when I answer questions in a meeting. Once someone must repeat word-for-word what I just said so that we can continue on with the meeting is a little kid playing “I can’t hear you, because I don’t like you” games. Mean kid all grown up. Some choose to be a part of bullying or to dodge it altogether because they are afraid they will be next. Be proud that your good attitude, great work, and dedication are getting you attacked. You have what your Bully Boss wants and does not know how to get it so he has made you his target. Also, be proud that you chose not to be a bully even though it made you a target. When you lay your head down a night you can be proud that someone else is not in tears, destroying their kids, and getting a divorce because you chose to end the torment by being a bully for your Bully Boss.
Bully Proof Your World by starting off each morning by holding a thought for 15 seconds of what you have succeeded at. Take one of your successes such as being able to read and turn around to teach someone how to read as well. Reach out to others as well as reminding yourself what you can do rather than focusing on what you have not accomplished yet.