Building a Bridge for Grief

Talking about death, loss, and grief can be really, really hard – so hard that sometimes people avoid those who have suffered a loss because they simply do not know what to say, or worry about saying the wrong thing.

And the person who has suffered the loss can often feel so hurt and so isolated by this avoidance, that their grief becomes worse, not better and they feel that they have somehow done something wrong.

So, no one benefits but allowing people a safe space to talk does help. You do not need to make it better or have a solution, you just need to gently stay in that space, so that the other person can process their thoughts at their pace and in their way.

And that is why I wrote this piece on grief, to try to give people a ‘bridge’, to have the confidence to talk to other people who are grieving by helping us all to embrace it, to allow it into our lives, because if not, it will come crashing in, uninvited, perhaps when you least expect it and certainly when you are least prepared for it.

Written with love, as always.

Grief is our lifelong companion – she is beautiful and complex, teaching us all there is to know about love, loss, and living a life that reaches beyond human transactions, to that of a soulful existence that no death can take away.

Grief arrives with our birth, for each moment passed, for each day gone, for each friend lost, for each experience finished, for each relationship over, for each dream spent and for each life ended.

Grief is our personal orchestra, playing our own unique symphony, until it reaches its final crescendo.

The first few instruments start slowly and quietly, as we find our notes.

And as we allow grief to have her place, the notes join up into a symphony that becomes longer and deeper and more beautiful and unique with the passage of time.

Until one day, each of us will reach our final crescendo, a completed symphony that only ever gets played, in full, once – some are short, some are long, some are so full of love and some are so full of angst, but all have their own unique beauty and story to tell.

And then comes the silence, the purity of nothing to allow our soul to find its way home, before our audience finds its voice to ask for more, which, of course, they cannot have.

And in the face of such finality, the weight of love feels completely unbearable for so many.

But it is in fact, not the weight of the love that is unbearable, but the absence of another to share the weight with.

And so, we have to learn to carry that love ourselves and to welcome the sadness, the loneliness, the heartbreak, and the tears as signs, reminders of all of the love we have received, given, and indeed have yet to receive and give.

Because love does not rely on a physical body to be present, it walks with us every day of our lives, often invisible to the eye but the most intimate and present of all companions.

And that is the essence of grief, it’s just love that needs to be held in a different way.


Nik Davis
Nik Davis
NIK DAVIS is a business transformation expert and has spent 20 years in the corporate world. Her comfort zone is order, logic and applying analytical tools to solve complex problems. She is also a keen observer of life, a writer and eccentric. Nik has recently returned to the world of work after taking a career break to spend time with her family. Upon her return, she found that her perspective had changed, as had the world she was returning to. Nik decided to carve out a new place in that world and mould some of it to fit her too. Nik sees life from quirky angles, shaped by experiences and the vast amount of knowledge we now have access to. She likes to write about her experiences and observations. To ‘tell it how it is’ and to find a more authentic way to live, whether in our professional or personal lives. Nik often talks about finding ‘The Third Way’. It’s a philosophy about life, having a personal life as well as a career, making money and being socially generous, being logical and sensitive, living by the rules of a society but not being afraid to challenge them, inspiring others to feel good but not for your own ego, giving rather than taking. Nik wants to make a difference to this world by getting people to see things differently, to try new ways of working but most of all, to re-discover our true selves and therefore reach our true potential. Nik also has two other persona’s: nikdavis which is where Nik writes about her deeply personal experiences of life. Nik runs a facebook group alongside this website to create a safe place for people to discuss the topics that are raised in her blog. Nik’s second persona is Lilly Isabella and this is where she shares her passion of fashion and design.

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  1. Dear Nik,

    What a moving description the forms of grief. It is said that an individual only experienced grief on loosing a loved one. Grief encompasses other interpretations, but ultimately sharing love and indeed the pain of grief can bring people together and enhance the warmth of love.

    Thank you so much, Nik. Really special.