Blaringly Obvious

When an instrument is played too loud, it becomes noise.

Learning the art of self-promotion requires effort and in last week’s article the idea of when “enough is enough” was discussed. While that defining line may vary from person to person and situation to situation, there are times when it’s blaringly obvious that there is way too much.

Understanding the difference between honest self-promotion and self-importance shouldn’t be a difficult task. Certain rhetoric and verbal cues are definite and clear-cut signs that modesty and decorum have taken a back seat and arrogance is behind the wheel. It is true that certain professions need and thrive from grossly overstating one’s capabilities but they are the exceptions and not the rule.

Those who are genuinely confident in their abilities and themselves don’t have a need to constantly repeat it to others around them.

The relentless reminders of how well they do their work are usually more of a sign suggesting the complete opposite. The idea of low self-esteem is something they do not want to consider about themselves and it manifests in unceasing verbal chatter which ultimately demonstrates that lack to others.

Vying against a competitor or an opponent is another situation which may require more boasting than normal. However, mocking and ridiculing the challenger merely to put down and discredit him or her without anything of substance as part of your deliberation, is another false sense of superiority. Unfortunately, some have become quite skilled in the art of mimicry and derision but once again, it essentially shows they have no real solutions and are blowing smoke to divert attention away from their true insecurities, shortcomings, and lack of understanding.

Conviction and certitude are important but there is a threshold for how often it needs to be reiterated.

It shouldn’t need to be pointed out that blaming others is not an indication of your competence. Nonetheless, it appears to be one of the main tools used by many. Blame is also another sign that you have not come up with a respectable answer and want to keep that under wraps. Remember, even if it is the fault of others it still does not resolve the issues at hand. Conviction and certitude are important but there is a threshold for how often it needs to be reiterated. Again, if you’re telling someone that you’re “absolutely certain”, they will believe you the first time. But when that certainty is repeated ad nauseum, it begins to look more like a cover-up strategy. The constant repetition will bring in to question whether or not it was actually true in the first place. Besides, it’s always better to prove with your actions rather than your words that you are free from guilt or blame.

Learning to toot your own horn in a way which best suits you is definitely an undertaking for many. It isn’t something that comes naturally to most of us. Planning and even writing out what you will say can be enormously essential for progressing yourself and your career. Knowing what to say – and also what not to say – is important and creating a strategy of doing it may just make a world of difference in your life.


John Dunia
John Dunia
John has a passion; and that is helping others heal from past difficulties and abuses. Healing became important when he realized how much it freed him from his own past and now works to help others experience that liberation. The key to his success was discovering that the most debilitating damage was his own shame and the destructive things he believed about who he was. Throughout his own healing journey, he became hyper-aware of how shame was affecting him while having little clue of its presence. Others noticed these changes and reached out to him for help. His methods were so effective that he made it a mission to shift his career into helping others. Adopting the term “ShameDoctor”, he continues to teach others to empower themselves through his remarkably effective techniques. “Shame is one of the biggest yet least talked about issues we face as individuals and society yet so very little is mentioned about it.” It is his purpose to change the way the world perceives shame and promote helpful and viable techniques to heal and overcome those past struggles. John’s book, “Shame On Me – Healing a Life of Shame-Based thinking” was self-published in 2016. In addition to working with clients, John also writes healing and insightful articles each week. He is also looking forward to speaking on the topics of shame and healing throughout the globe.

SOLD OUT! JOIN OUR WAITING LIST! It's not a virtual event. It's not a conference. It's not a seminar, a meeting, or a symposium. It's not about attracting a big crowd. It's not about making a profit, but rather about making a real difference. LEARN MORE HERE



  1. John, where’d this one come from? I just saw it here! Yes, it’s tough sometimes to toot our own horn without others thinking we’ve above them or putting them down.

    I think it stems from a particular mindset, one of either abundance or scarcity. With abundance, we can more easily enjoy someone else’s success, without having to put them down, minimize them, or deride their accomplishments. We can take pleasure in what they do, knowing it’s all about them and has nothing to do with what we might accomplish.

    Another excellent post, John!

    • Thanks you Susan. Your comments are always appreciated.
      Your “mindset” comment is worth pondering. You must know that I always go back to one thing and that is shame. Because it causes us not only to feel unworthy but it is also the basis for arrogance.