Beyond Thinking

“Real change is made when the direction includes more than just yourself.”

Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of personal growth is a realization that you’ve been wrong in some aspect of your thinking. Many find great satisfaction in being recognized for their intellectual attributes. When some flaw or error is discovered, it may feel like a blow to one’s self-confidence. However, any moment of self-growth should never be construed in this way.

Last week’s article challenged people to constantly reexamine thought patterns and process as well as be open to the possibility that change may be needed. But it’s not always clear when or if a change should be made. It’s easy for me to suggest a change is needed but what are the signs and how do we know when it’s necessary?

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a local expert who could divvy our stellar advice so we could immediately commence on our journey of unfettered self-development leading to a bright and thriving future?

So how do we know it is time for a change? As just about any other of life’s quandaries, there is no one answer for all of us. Many times, we won’t know until after the fact whether or not the decision was correct. We do our best to gather the information, weigh everything carefully, seek advice, but ultimately, the decision is ours on what action needs to be taken. We must make that determination and ultimately reap or suffer with the consequences of our choices.

It has always been my aim never to tell any of my readers what they ought to do. Even if I were 100% correct it wouldn’t matter because each one of us must embrace and take complete responsibility for that choice. I do recall in years past there were many times I sought the advice of others specifically to feel less blame and responsibility for what the coming result would be.

There are, however, a few indicators which should set off warning signals and I believe should not be a part of your thinking. The first is perhaps my biggest concern. If a person believes the way he or she believes, thinks, or feels about a particular issue is the only correct way, and anyone else who feels differently is wrong, I recommend standing in front of a mirror to see who is really wrong. This is a recipe for disaster. Not only does it instill narrowmindedness and foster arrogance, it initiates and promotes division and strife.

Secondly, if your ideas encourage taking full advantage of others for your benefit, you should definitely reevaluate your intent. I often error on the side of kindness and while many see this as an act of weakness, it actually takes more strength. Imagine for a moment if everyone took this approach, what a better world this would be. Unfortunately, nefarious actions – especially those which tend to generate huge income – are frequently lauded. It’s time that honor, good intention, and kindness usurp the spotlight. Those who’ve been in power learn to manipulate the system specifically to benefit themselves and subjugate those out of their group or trying to annul their power.

Personal development will no doubt require certain modifications in our thinking. But if those changes include exclusion, division, and manipulation, the change is in the wrong direction. Growth ought to shift towards honesty, integrity, and compassion. Not because of some reward we’ll get by doing them but because it’s the decent thing to do and also what we hope to see in others


John Dunia
John Dunia
John has a passion; and that is helping others heal from past difficulties and abuses. Healing became important when he realized how much it freed him from his own past and now works to help others experience that liberation. The key to his success was discovering that the most debilitating damage was his own shame and the destructive things he believed about who he was. Throughout his own healing journey, he became hyper-aware of how shame was affecting him while having little clue of its presence. Others noticed these changes and reached out to him for help. His methods were so effective that he made it a mission to shift his career into helping others. Adopting the term “ShameDoctor”, he continues to teach others to empower themselves through his remarkably effective techniques. “Shame is one of the biggest yet least talked about issues we face as individuals and society yet so very little is mentioned about it.” It is his purpose to change the way the world perceives shame and promote helpful and viable techniques to heal and overcome those past struggles. John’s book, “Shame On Me – Healing a Life of Shame-Based thinking” was self-published in 2016. In addition to working with clients, John also writes healing and insightful articles each week. He is also looking forward to speaking on the topics of shame and healing throughout the globe.

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  1. Values represent one of the inner bases of our life, in fact our behaviors, our actions, the relationships we have with people dear to us or with others depend also and above all on our Values.
    Values guide us. Values represent our internal compass, the lighthouse that illuminates our destiny. Firmly believing in one’s values and doing everything to respect them denotes a great self-esteem in oneself and a capacity for an objective and global vision of one’s life, in all areas.

  2. Hi John, Again, another superb article! Kindness is one of the most important characteristics we can have. I never forget acts of kindness. They sparkle and shine through for me. There is nothing weak about being kind. In fact, it often takes courage to go the extra mile when no one else does. Thank you for this!?