A day I never imagined would become my story, my conscious uncoupling from a man I love dearly
We all want to believe in fairytales & magical endings. The notion makes us feel warm, fuzzy, and hopeful, giving us the impetus to take a chance on love & relationships.
Our most basic need as humans is to connect meaningfully, in essence, to belong & feel loved. We become attached to ideals of how relationships should be, placing unrealistic expectations, eventually causing undue strain.
What exacerbates relationship toxicity, is our unhealed wounded inner child, which engages from ego, shame, blame, retaliation & revenge. Until we nurture & re-parent the wounded inner child, by courageously slaying our dragons back to safety & love.
Our relationships will persist down a path of lose-lose battles, breaking a solemn promise to ourselves & others repeatedly to end vicious cycles of unhealthy relationships we were exposed to. Our dark shadows continue to follow us…
Perpetuating a downward spiral of deeper confusion & chaos, resulting in collateral damage! Relationships represent a mirror reflection of who we are, how we show up, with unconditional love or harsh judgment?
We are blindsided by our negative inherited ancestral pathologies, which are signs ignored. Until we wake up to this reality, our relationships will not flourish, due to the remaining debris of unresolved trauma & feelings of unworthiness.
The journey back to self is the conduit to healthier conscious relationships. Interestingly enough, my marriage & how I showed up became the catalyst to my awakening journey.
I realised how false beliefs & a less than ideal construct of marriage would ultimately be the reason I chose to initiate my conscious uncoupling. Not because I never loved my partner, quite the opposite, as I leave our union still caring deeply for him.
We were married 18 years, together 23 in total, and we were granted 3 beautiful gifts, it’s only natural my affections towards him do not simply end.
These were not the only gifts from our union. I was able to discover my authentic true self, which led me to my wounded journey from survival, to self-love & eventually self-leadership.
So as I anticipate finalising my divorce tomorrow, I also celebrate my spiritual awakening & continued healing process. I honour my partner for showing the 20-year-old me, how to love & what this meant coming from an unloved hostile home.
Sure the road ahead has not been easy & there’s been grief along with insurmountable guilt.
My greatest desire was to have a complete family, never being the cause of a “broken home” which I came from. I never knew my dad, nor does he know of my existence. I was not raised by my maternal mother, & had several caregivers, some showing love, then others well….
My narrative was I’ll have a happy ending, even if it meant self-sacrificing & remaining in a codependent relationship not serving anyone.
Today I can proudly say, DIVORCE can be AMICABLE!
Welcome to the family Aneesa!
It takes courage, insight, awareness, wisdom and grace to untangle the web with your heart as your compass.
Cheers to you for loving yourself enough to create the life you desire and deserve.
This is the most powerful role modeling for our children. #newbeginnings
Brava/o to the both of you, Aneesa, for being able to remember why you married in the first place as you decide to no longer stay in the marriage. I hope you will get a life long friend in return.
One of the fallacies we get served up along with other fairy tales is that our partner should be able to fulfill all our emotional needs and that we should be able to fulfill our partner’s. Nobody can do that. That is why we need friends and communities and old people and young people in our lives.
It does take courage to reparent oneself, or to even acknowledge that reparenting may be necessary. But if we expect our partner to do that work for us (emotional labor), the partner gets forced into a parental role, we become the child, and that makes us not very attractive.
Thank you so much for sharing this part of your journey.
It is not easy admitting that we are involved in an unhealthy relationship. It’s also not easy to admit that there were unhealed parts of us that were responsible for parts of the toxicity. But like most difficult things, it’s worth the heartbreak to find yourself.
I’m proud of you for loving yourself enough to figure out some of these hardships. To unpack your life’s suitcase and learn to live a life you love.
I’m cheering you on Aneesa!