Part of life is having painful experiences, things that cause some emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual pain. We know more about alleviating physical pain than any of the others and that in itself causes concern.
Most people, as they grow into adulthood and go through life, learn to place painful experiences in their place. They gain perspective and know, for example, that today’s breakup is tomorrow’s chance for love.
And every once in a while people run into Soul Killers, those people who cause distress repeatedly and without realizing they’re doing so.
Recognizing Soul Killers
We all run into people who simply bring us down. They have a knack for draining us of our energy, our vitality, our joys and pleasures. Some people do this on purpose, others have this ability as an unwanted gift. The ones who do it on purpose are subtle – they have to be! The others may not be subtle and they tend to be friends.
Both do it pretty much the same way; They tell us our experiences are invalid, not real, no good, inadequate, and so on. They may be serious or joking and studies indicate such statements exact a psycho-emotional cost that results in a sense of futility and sometimes physical exhaustion. Telling someone their personal experience is not relevant or inadequate is the same as telling them they are not relevant or inadequate.
There are four basic ways people can drain us. Here are some examples:
a)) Sensation – That didn’t hurt.
b)) Emotion – Don’t be upset.
c)) Character – You’re not so special.
d)) Thought – You don’t believe that.
We have the right to let people know when we’re in pain or uncomfortable. Our sensations are real to us even if no one else can feel them.
Likewise, we have a right to our emotions. Modern society has only recently appreciated that people’s emotional awareness is often more important to their survival than their psychological awareness.
Everybody is special, and each of us is special in our own way. People need to know they are honored and respected regardless of their abilities and achievements, and the only way to get others to celebrate yours is to celebrate them yourself.
And finally, our thoughts are valid and real, meaningful and useful because they are based on our experiences and no two people share the exact same life stories. We’re allowed to believe what we want, and definitely what works for us, even if others think it’s malarkey.
Pay Attention
So pay attention the next time you start feeling down, depressed, weak, exhausted, or drained. Did someone – or did you, yourself – attempt to kill your soul? Recognize soul-killing techniques and no one will be able to kill your soul again.
That’s all for now. Stay warm and well.
