I did the good girl two-step for a long time. Husband, children, house, then…a divorce. Everyone was mystified. “Wasn’t he a good provider?” “My goodness, no one else in the family has ever had a divorce!”
Truth be known, I was stifled (and abused, but that’s another story). I tried to fit in with my parents, in school with friends, but it never worked. Getting married was my way out. Well, I went from the frying pan into the fire.
I was not normal, obviously, if I couldn’t follow the plan, the one laid out by someone else. I was called “dramatic,” yet no one could tell me what that really meant. No one could tell me anything about my spirit, my so-called “dramatic” moments, and myself. I was different, and not in a good way. I was left out of many adventures because people could not label me (other than the drama!) nor could they be comfortable with my points of view.
I solved the problem by leaving. It was difficult, to say the least; however, I did everything I could under the eyes of an extremely watchful husband and parents to get out! And I got out. About two miles away.
It took a little more time to move three thousand miles away.
Since I was emotionally bankrupt and had never been taught how to deal with issues such as these, I was not really stunned, just shut down. However, my motherly instincts and my trusty intuition prevailed (although I did not know what intuition was at that time); and with God’s angels watching over me, I left on the continuing adventure of finding out what being normal was.
I moved to a place where I knew no one, had very little money, no car, no job, no place to live, no furniture, and three kids, one cat, twelve pieces of luggage, and the strength and courage only God could provide. The dilemma was that old saying so aptly describes: “Wherever you go, there you are.” Although my emotional abandonment issues still prevailed, my need to provide for my children was overriding.
Lo and behold, even these new people thought I was “different”! What was this all about? The label followed me wherever I went.
I hit many bumps and boulders along the way. I had to be strong to take care of my kids. Yet there was no real joy for me. Moments of happiness filtered in, or so I thought. I still wondered what was going to happen to me. Notice the word, happen. I did not even have the ability to think I was in charge of anything. I was a workaholic. This working habit kept me occupied so I could not see the truth. However, no one ever trained me to see anything, let alone what was true for me. So I blundered along and events occurred that made me feel a wee bit powerful.
A friend invited me to present a seminar appropriately title: “The Anger Workshop.” I discovered I liked being in front of the room and helping people overcome limiting beliefs. I was unaware that I was experiencing many of these same symptoms.
I continued for years designing and presenting seminars to large and small groups. All my presentations were well thought out and pragmatic, although they elicited quite an array of emotions from the participants.
Some events failed. The failure was not in the content but in no-shows. I figured it was something I did wrong. I had no one to turn to because to do so would let people know I was probably incompetent. Whatever was going wrong had to be my fault. These adventures took their toll and I stopped helping people in this manner. I turned back to business, which I thought I knew well. I combined both my interpersonal teaching skills and my business skills, thinking this has to work for me as well as them.
Again, success and failure, failure and success. No joy there either, just momentary sparks of laughter. I now know it was a lack of confidence.
Then I was introduced to a new way of thinking to discover who I really, truly am.
The event was close by and I was immediately in the thrall of not only the event but also the presenter. I sat in the back of the room vibrating in my chair. I discovered why people called me dramatic or different. It wasn’t drama; it was creativity! Well, maybe a little drama there as well.
My family of origin had no creativity that I can recall. That is why I was looked upon as different. Thank the powers that be! I discovered so much about myself—how I had sublimated my creativity and emotions, why I was tired all the time (staying too long in the sometimes exhausting side of my brain), and why there was very little joy in my life.
Soon after completing this seminar, I was called out of the blue by the local newspaper to write a business article! I had never written before even though others thought I should. I had little confidence in my ability and less in my writing skills.
The next thing I knew, I was asked to write an article a week for publication in a local newspaper every Friday. I sat down every Wednesday and wrote an article. My first article still stands as an ‘evergreen article’, good for a very long time.
Next, I decided to write a book. I was lucky (another angel?) to find the right book coach for this huge step. I just kept moving, writing articles, letting my folders pile up on the floor and on my desk. I was happy. I was a creative person!
I went on to write six more books, numerous articles, as well as content for my new website and business.
Now I work with leaders, entrepreneurs if you will, who also need to know their True Calling to unleash the power of their minds in order to make a greater global impact, have more fun, and be more successful.
My business, The Joanne Victoria Group, is built on a foundation of strategic business thinking and intuitive guidance, along with an integrated whole-brain approach.
I now know that being normal is what I am, a creative person with a different point of view. I do not need anyone else’s approval for my distinct approach. I just trust and have faith that I am on my path and the angels will show up to support me.