The term loneliness is often given a negative meaning, as if loneliness coincided with isolation and/or the inability to be in company.
Even if being alone has always remained a fundamental need, in our century we are witnessing an increase in the value attributed to social relationships. Although being alone with ourselves brings us wellbeing, the general perception is often that of a situation to be feared and a source of anguish.
For many, being alone is difficult, causing anxiety or suffering. A little perhaps out of boredom, a little out of the sense of isolation and also because they are forced to confront their innermost thoughts, they experience that sense of isolation as loneliness and often do not know how to deal with these feelings.
Most people prefer to do something, even harming themselves, rather than just sitting with their thoughts. It is really difficult to hear from a person that she likes to be alone in a room, even for a short time, without doing anything but thinking, reflecting or wandering with her mind. And I don’t think this should be attributed to the frenzy of modern society, nor to the omnipresence of electronic devices such as smartphones. On the contrary, these devices can be a response to people’s desires to always have something to do.
Social relationships demand a lot from us, especially when they are many and important. At the same time, however, they generate great satisfaction. Yet, without even realizing it, they can turn into situations capable of taking away our time and energy.
Very easily we end up living according to others. Work, partner, family, friends… there are many social areas in which we move daily, all with specific needs and tensions. Many times we reach a point where we are unable to distinguish where our personal sphere ends and where that of others begins. Or viceversa.
Being alone is a way to focus our attention and energy on ourselves. An opportunity to be “selfish” without feeling guilty. In fact, these spaces help us find ourselves. To perceive how we really are when we are not immersed in our usual context.
The ability to feel good alone with oneself also has beneficial effects on the quality of one’s friendship relationships. Loneliness does not necessarily imply social isolation.
Precisely because loneliness does not mean isolation, people who spend time alone to feel good know how to fully appreciate the value of friendships.
Most people like to wander their minds or fantasize, but this type of thinking can be more enjoyable if it arises spontaneously rather than out of a purposeful decision or external compulsion. Just think of the desperate expressions of people in the period of coercion caused by Covid. Surely our mind was born to interact with the world. Even if we are alone, our focus is generally on the outside world, and if we are not used to meditation or thought control, most of us prefer to engage in external activities.
In short, we do not recognize the pleasure of our company. We believe that someone else can entertain us better, raise the quality of our time spent doing anything.
“Before thinking about changing the world, making revolutions, meditating on new constitutions, establishing a new order, first of all go down into your heart, let order, harmony and peace reign. Only then, look for souls who resemble you and take action” (Plato).
Being alone means knowing how to stop, despite the frenetic pace of everyday life, and learning to listen to yourself, to read in the depths of your soul, the one who knows who we are, the one who hides our desires, the one who can indicate the path to take .
If we are always with others what we see of ourselves is only the reflection of what others think and say about us. It is necessary every now and then to come to terms with who we really are, looking at what really lies inside us or we risk acting to please others, giving them our life.
So I believe very much that there is a loneliness that is good for us. If taken in small doses, like a medicine, if sought and not imposed, it can be a useful and even pleasant condition, which favors concentration, attention, creativity and indicates the way to find oneself.
Love this my friend. I hope you are well.
Thank you for being interested in my post.
Great post, Aldo.
I agree with you completely.
Reading your post reminded me of my post that I submitted to BIZC today on triangles trend.
I wish I had read your post before sending mine because I would have mentioned your post in it.
The idea is Socialize- De-socialize- Re-socialize
Yes we need to de-socialize for the reasons you explained so thoroughly in your post
Thanks for your always prompt support.
The trilogy with which you conclude the comment is just what I meant.
Often those who love to be alone are misunderstood because they erroneously tend to believe that these people are lonely people, grumpy and unattractive gruff people without friends. In reality, stating this, we forget that feeling alone is not the same as being alone by choice. For example, you can be a party full of people and try a huge solitude and, on the contrary, to be on a desolate beach in solitude and feel happy and serene.
People who love to be alone are not necessarily solitary people. They tend to have selected friends with whom they are at ease and with whom they can talk about everything, without having to know many and new people. They probably take care to cultivate deep connections.