You scamper into the crystal clear bone-chilling waters of the ocean with your surfboard in tow. As you get to the optimal distance out in the raging water you mount your shark-finned board for your daredevil ride on top of the waves while struggling to maintain your balance. Suddenly you are knocked flat by a vicious onrushing undercurrent that dismounts you while sending your vehicle crashing forcefully dead on into your forehead. Consciousness begins to fade as blood is spilling out from your wound at a rapid rate. The waves relentlessly attack you leaving you to try to fight your way back to shore with all the feeble energy you can muster as life is distancing itself from your broken body. Schools of white man-eating sharks grow closer ever closer waiting for the chance to engage in the complete devastation of your flesh. You have no chance. Before you say that final goodbye just before you fade into oblivion say goodbye.
So to this is true in life. When you have reached your saturation point after you have poured out your heart along with your feelings. In between the criticisms the praise or the deafening sound of silence you can longer deny the fact you are spent. Others have said what you thought you were going to say but never got or took the chance. The new world around you leaves an unsettling startled feeling that you no longer belong. BEFORE you say goodbye say goodbye.
It’s never easy to take that final bow before you disembark from the stage for the last time. A right turn to turn back leads back to where you were before. There is nothing left but a shriveled shell of a man who had the future as well as pleasantries from the present on his side but no more. Time in partnership with change has hauled it all away. It’s just as well since your view from the outside to the inside has blurred. A word without a sentence. A sentence without a word. BEFORE you say goodbye say goodbye. Even If those who loved you before love you no more say goodbye BEFORE you say goodbye.
Sow your seeds somewhere else where the wind will scatter them far and wide. A new planting field will emerge well in advance of you knowing it is there. Soon thereafter a smattering of vitality will return. Your deeply buried passions will break free from the confines of their coffins to live again. The wrinkled skin that clearly displays your blueish bulging desolated veins begins to smooth. Your mind was last seen drowning in dementia but has since broken free of that stranglehold.
“When she was good. It was, oh, so good. You were blessed if she smiled on you.”
–A Friend Is Dying, Cashman & West
“When we were good I never knew my name. And when the morning came I felt the sweet tears flow. When we were good we never went to town. We let the clocks run down, we let the whole world go.”
–When We Were Good, Tom Paxton
The pieces that once fit so perfectly together unexpectedly warped. A frost had come where a closeness had been. What you were/are was not what they were/are which unfolded the downward staircase. No, they could not understand. You were human but not one to judge or pass judgment.
BEFORE you say goodbye. Say goodbye. So sad to let it go but it’s time to go before the time of dying brings death to your door. Smile your best smile as the pain can only last but so long before it too must say goodbye. Hold on to your new dreams as they will lift you high above from whence thy came to where thy sole belongs. Never in a lifetime could you imagine things happening this way. Rhythm, rhyme or couplets out of time a ne’er-do-well thou’st shall never be. Those you longed to touch or read the lines from your palm to reveal your flames, pain, power, and passion never were meant to do so with. Get yourself over with it already and be gone. Wipe away your tears, get a hold of your fears, never look back at what is following behind you.
You struggled to fight the moras to get to where you wanted to be only to find out it was only a mirage you were seeing. A fantastic flight of fantasy that in the end left you nowhere that was anyplace you would want to be. You are frantic from being so far-flung from yesterday although today may be that brand new day yet again. If one day you vow to return leave a little crack of light peeking out beneath the door for me. Should your shadow fail to show chalk it up to another failed promise you made knowing you would not keep it nor could you.
While waiting for the last gasps of thoughts to recreate themselves from glorious stories or memories of the past to be reeled in from the rod you cast into the blue waters you begin to aimlessly wander hither and fro. Never quite sure what you were looking for in the first place or what you thought had found you. All that remains are the faces with the names that you now must create distance from and barriers to. You can’t go back home to a place that was home in your mind only. How much of your heart was ever really there? Did you really think they needed you or they held a place for you? No, the answer is no.
Draw in a deep lung filling gulp of air then deliberately slowly let what you have taken in to gently take its leave. You are now ready for the last part of the first part of your journey. Take one last look into the cracked mirror on your bathroom wall at the face that is expressionless as it probes the innermost chambers of your now clouded mind. That person is a pale gaunt shadow of a man that used to be. The moment of now is thrust upon you. With perfect posture that exudes your confidence in this your newest most difficult decision of your life, you muster up the courage to say goodbye BEFORE you say goodbye.
When in a moment of full clarity you know it is over you must first say goodbye to finalize the divorce between yourself and your life as you know it now. It is then and only then can you issue a statement of goodbye to those you wish to do so too. Endings, beginnings, new beginnings, or reincarnated endings are part of the essential ebb and flow of life. That is the way it is supposed to be.
There is a finality to the word goodbye that may not accurately reflect the context in which it is being said. In this case, goodbye is indeed a finality that might eventually(or sooner) need to be faced head-on. From either side, an e-mail, call or text can be made or sent to say ‘hey hello I miss you. how are things? I’d love to be with you.’ Where ever the rain shall fall it shall fall.
Yet as different as we are, we’re still the same.
–John Denver, Season Suite