Are You Chasing Oneness?

I’ve had conversations with a few people recently where they’ve heard spiritual guides and teachers espousing the beauty of oneness experiences, and now they’re struggling with — ‘why am I not feeling this lovely oneness?’

And in this game of life, we all search for ourselves. When I say selves, I mean inner selves, the thing that created the life in the first place. Now consciously, most of us are not aware of this. But if you’re searching for happiness, if you’re searching for tranquility, if you’re searching just to have a nice, peaceful, loving understanding of life … in actual fact, you’re searching for your inner self.

~Sydney Banks

Why am I not experiencing oneness?

The simple answer is — you are. It is everything you’re experiencing now and everything that is all around you now. Including the frustration that you don’t seem able to find this oneness.

And — that can be a pretty dissatisfying answer from the human perspective because we know in our hearts that there is something more beautiful available, and we’re pretty sure we’d rather have that.

Of course, you would. It’s like a homing beacon calling you back to yourself. Or, as Rupert says, like a moth to a flame.

It’s what you’ve been looking for in every single experience, activity, relationship, and habit you’ve ever taken part in, because all you’ve been looking for is to feel good — which is synonymous with saying, all you’ve been looking for is to yourself.

Trouble is, we love and get hooked by the idea of a big dramatic blissful moment of oneness (and of course, we’d love that — who wouldn’t!) but that’s just not most people’s experience. For most, it’s a gentle and gradual evolution and shift with little bursts of bliss along the way.

So why doesn’t it feel like beautiful oneness now?

The reason this is already oneness right here, AND it doesn’t feel like how you think it can, is because of the conditioning that’s been collected through life, which simply obscures the good feeling of your essential one nature.

Part of this conditioning is that there’s somewhere else I need to get to in order to be OK. Just over that hill is the ‘better me’ who will then be like these seemingly other-worldly people who have oneness experiences ‘all’ the time.

In believing these ideas of ‘special people’ and ideas of their ‘always perfect oneness experience’ and that there there is ‘somewhere else for me to get to’ we create an imagined separation and distance in our minds. This doesn’t feel good — because it’s not true. There is never, and can never be, distance or separation.

But innocently you then set about trying to close that imagined gap. Whether that’s by trying to do different things in the world, or hanging out with different people, or trying to have different thoughts or feelings. If any of this is done ‘in order to find oneness’, all you’re doing is covering over the beautiful oneness feelings, that are already here, with more psychological activity.

The only ‘thing’ that covers the beautiful feelings of oneness that you’re looking for is believing psychological activity to be true. You’re believing that which seeks oneness over there, and resists the truth that it is already here. You’re favouring the mind over yourself.

Bring it right back closer to home

Instead, notice moments in your life — no matter how micro — when things felt beautiful, connected, easy, loving, joyful, relaxed, peaceful.

It could have been looking at a flower.

Watching a sunrise.

Dealing with a here-and-now difficult situation.

Gazing at a sleeping baby.

Having a moment of flow with your work.

Deep sleep.

Feeling a swelling of love in your chest for no reason.

Giving someone respectful feedback.

The common theme you’re looking for is feelings of beauty, connection, ease, love, joy, relaxation, peace.

These are the feelings of yourself when you’re simply yourself. These are the oneness experience you’re looking for.

And these occur irrespective of the content, characters, or circumstances in that moment.

Unobscured by psychological activity, all that is left is yourself. Oneness.

So what to do from here?

Give greater attention to these moments — recognising them for what they are (the feeling of yourself) — and then notice what happens.

Do this with:

*No effort to achieve a certain outcome.

*No trying to make these experiences happen so you can notice them.

They are here already, they are happening anyway, you are oneness already.

Look and you will see.

You are looking for yourself.

Much love, Helen

P.S. I have a community of curious people who are interested in the increasing recognition of their very own self, and the increasing dissolution of that which obscures that knowing. If this is you too, join us here. We’d love to see you there.


Helen Amery
Helen Amery
Reconnecting you to innate brilliance for a more fulfilling life. Disillusionment happens when, things that we took to be true, start to look less so. People, belief systems, ways of working, societal norms. As these cracks, in reality, start to show we often look around to see what else is available to make sense of this, and these moments provide the opportunity for great change and the ability to step into a whole new and fresh experience of life. I work with disillusioned people who’ve worked hard all their lives to climb the career ladder, increase their income, who got the family and the house and the car and…then they look around and realise something’s still missing. They don’t feel more fulfilled. They don’t feel successful. They don’t feel secure. Sometimes these things have even become worse. My career has developed through commercial HR into psychology-based coaching, and now my work goes beyond psychology to the fundamental truths behind our human experience. This is the final shift in perspective that frees us from the imagined limitations we’ve gathered through life and reconnects us to our innate brilliance. It’s the direct path that other development can meander us to. From here we find fulfilment, security and a feeling of success – and we find we’re able to enjoy everything we already had, and new things, in an entirely fresh way. My business is called Wild Fig Solutions because the Wild Fig has the deepest roots in the world and I always cared about getting to the heart of what was going on. Now this work is really that as it reconnects us to our heart at the deepest level and naturally rebalances us so that we use the brilliance of our head in the way it works best. I work with clients online, in one-to-one and group coaching programmes, to help them reconnect to their innate brilliance. See my book here: Let’s Get Honest About: Work

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