Apparently, I’m Not Cool Anymore

As a Mom, I have come to learn that the best times to trap my kids into conversations is in the car. No getting out when we are upwards of 60 mph. However, this means I also fall victim to music that makes me want to poke my eyes out. Not the best thought while at the wheel, but that pretty much sums up the sentiment. Over the years, I have just about mastered tuning out the kids and their music in the car. I will say though that it has been very entertaining listening to them chat with friends in the car and hear some of the slang they are using. That is when I feel like listening.

“That was lit!” Ok, when I was their age, didn’t “lit” mean that you were drunk? How did that turn around happen? “That’s a little extra.” Extra what? Extra ketchup? “Mom, my eyebrows are on fleek.” What FOR THE LOVE OF GOD does that mean? Who knew I was supposed to be up on Vine videos. And by the way, what is Vine? “Mom, did you see that movie? I’m dead.” Looks like you have a pulse to me. And an appetite too since you eat me out of house and home. Just saying.

I remember the first time my son said, “He’s the goat.” WHAT? Of course, my 40 something self felt like a toolshed when I was told it means Gangster Of All Time. But how would I know? And my all time fav “That’s cool AF!” Cool…as fritos? Ah well, we all know what it really means, but really?? If my mom was alive she would have a field day with all of this. She has missed 20+ years of slang. She would probably think my kids were speaking a different language. Not English!

Whatever happened to “whatchu talkin’ bout Willis” and “gag me with a spoon?” Or better yet, “Mom, don’t have a cow!” And one of my favs from the 80’s “that was totally tubular!”

I grew up watching The Brady Bunch, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, Three’s Company and Charlie’s Angels where every girl wanted to grow up to be an angel. Oh, and pose with our fingers held up like a gun. And let’s not forget The Walton’s, where at night, my parents thought it was funny to say “Goodnight John boy, Goodnight MaryEllen.” If I said that to my kids, they would say, “Who the hell are they? Mom, I know you’re almost 50, but you haven’t forgotten our names already, have you??”

I also grew up in the times of All in the Family and the Jefferson’s. Neither show at this point in time would make it onto a network. But imagine if you would for a moment, Archie Bunker looking over at Edith in the living room and saying. “Ah Edith, spill the tea about Gloria and Meathead.” To which Edith would probably reply, “Oh Archie, I didn’t mean to spill your tea!” They would not make it in the year 2019. That is FO SHO.

So here I am, circling the drain toward 50 (as my kids say) and I seem to have lost touch with the slang of the times.

The fact that I have to ask my kids what their sayings mean is the “tell.” Apparently, I’m just not cool anymore.

I do pride myself on my ability to embarrass my kids. Truth be told, I feel an obligation to do so. It’s like a job that I take very seriously. I’m thinking that next time I have a car full of kids, I’ll interject a little taste of ’70s and 80’s slang in their conversation. And I’m sure it will go over like…wait for it…a fart in church. Let the embarrassment commence!