One bright and sunny morning with a brilliant blue sky seemingly just above my head I was awakened from my slumber by the gentle sound of triangles tingling in my ears. As I rubbed my eyes to remove the sand that the Sandman had left in them from the night before I saw a star sitting right beside me in my bed. Initially, I was unnerved by the sight of the star in my bed but she gently smiled and so sweetly said “Hello Joel my name is Sarah and I am your star. I am here to help you with your world so you can be happy once again. Things have been hard for you at different times in your life but don’t worry I know all about you and if you trust me all will be better for you.”
Sarah, may I ask a question or two of you? Unhesitatingly Sarah put what felt like a silky soft hand on my forehead while nodding her head in agreement with my request. With a somewhat quivering voice, I asked Sara who you are, how do you know so much about my life and I and where do you come from? At last, I could recollect stars cannot talk but Sarah somehow could. Sarah gazed into my eyes at that moment which produced an incredibly soothing feeling that I felt all over my body. “Joel before I answer your questions I must know that you trust me. Will you just trust me?” she softly whispered to me. No negative response arose from my throat.
“Joel, now I must take leave from your sight but I am going to be with you and holding hands with you until I have made you well feeling again.” Sarah blew air into her palm told me she loved me and with a wink, she began to fade until she was seen no longer. Sarah? Sarah? Sarah where are you I need to hear your voice and I need to be near you. Please let me be near you. Please once again tell me that you love me. I do trust you. I really do! Sarah from where ever she was let her voice whisper in my ear the words “I love you, Joel. Do not be afraid Joel I am with you. I will not leave you until I have restored you.”
A question popped into my mind as to is it possible Sarah was not a star but was a malach instead? What other explanation could there be? In truth, no explanation would ever be necessary.
A question popped into my mind as to is it possible Sarah was not a star but was a malach instead? What other explanation could there be? In truth, no explanation would ever be necessary. That she was beside me tenderly speaking words of love was more than I could ever ask for. No more than this I could ever need or ever want. When she is with me she is the greatest gift I have ever known. Though I have never seen her form her beauty transcends all beauty.
Sarah my love I have looked all over but I could not find you. Sarah, why will you not come to me as I call out to you? Sarah is that you I hear? “Joel, no you can’t see me except for my glitter that reflects in your tranquil blue eyes. It is now we must go to this place that I will take you to. Fear, not the darkness as we embark on our journey to begin to unify your past, present, and future so you will be one with yourself living in peace and harmony with all that surrounds you. Close your eyes and clasp your hand onto my palm that you can feel.”
Sweet serenity engulfed me until I took notice I was alone adrift at sea with nothing between myself and the water below but I did not sink or frantically flail away struggling to keep water out of my lungs while keeping life-giving oxygen in. Yet again I cried out Sarah why will you not come to me as I call out to you? I look for you yet I cannot find you nor is there a sound of you. Resigning myself to my fate that I did not know the realization came upon me as well as over me that I was now alone with the person I knew the least who was me. It was not clear how long I would be here for or ascertain any answers to questions as to why my outer shell was here in perfect order yet I could not conceive how diminished my mental capacity was. Sarah, please come help me as I am lost confused and so very scared of being alone while all the while I am in the water but I am not wet. I have now been here a day in the space of an hour but no time do I really know it to be.
The pages of the chapters of my life’s book replace one another. Each chapter that was being read aloud to me provided no small amount of uncertainty that although I had lived that chapter already why is it now that it has me reliving my past in the present tense. Me and I as it was back then but now there must be a reckoning of the two realities. More doses of abstract concepts that I cannot comprehend commands me to exert an understanding of the concept of Joel. Sarah is this why you have brought me to here? Please tell me what it is about Joel that I Joel need to come to clarity with. Sarah why must I now beg you to be with me while being here for me. Sarah, please! To no avail, this would be as Sarah remained steadfastly silent while being shrouded in a mystery.
There is a world of serenity that Sarah knows and loves. She will never say how or why she came into my life. I only know she is here but for how long I do not know. Gingerly I stepped on to the water with my right foot then my left foot followed thereafter by my left leg preceded by my right foot. Naturally, I trembled with fear not knowing what was below or how long I would remain on my feet. Just then like a glow from a match slowly burning out I caught a fleeting glimpse of a figure. That figure was Sarah the one I loved. She did softly call out to me but I was unable to make heads or tails of what she said.
“Joel I am so happy to see you. So now tell me what did all the time spent on this wild clear ocean teach you about Joel? She so innocently asked. “Where is Joel when you need him? Joel is a man now but Joel back then was just a Joel who lived for fun. That Joel had no plans for the future a fact that never bothered him. As Joel finally got older at the age of 25 he became an instant father of three kids, his two cats, with a bitter divorce from a compulsive gambling first husband. It was I Joel that led you there but the woman you were seeing who would eventually become your wife was not who she was going to be at that time. Her impulse to be impulsive that would cause her to hate Greenwich Village with all of its rich history. Joel is the time frame correct? What are you thinking now that you did not prepare yourself for before?”
Sarah with all of your beauty, grace, and style along with your finely configured face make you a woman any man’s heart would desire. “Joel you say such sweet things but you are being fooled by the illusion that your brain tricks you into seeing. While I am very much here I am not here at all and never was. Soon I will never be again but you will forget yet life will be different for you. Just wait and see my beloved Joel.”
The defining moment came as she perfectly predicted it would. Scenes of Dorothy clicking her red shoes before reappearing in Kansas where although she left she never really left. When she reconnected with her senses all the faces were familiar yet somehow she could not shake the feeling they were all together in another place in time. Feeling exhausted, drained but oddly content as my new found tooth smile would shine through time and again. I threw on my silk purple pajamas turned on the ceiling fans to cool the room. It always seemed as if they were touching each other but never were. They stayed although wobbling in their respective allotted space.
My now weary body, mind, and soul were exasperated from this long journey to self-discovery that never led to a conclusion or an explanation. Just then I fell into a deep sleep snoring as loudly as I have had. The boom of thunder shook my room, rattled wy windows while causing a momentary blackout of power with myself in tow. Much to my, discomfort from the booming thunder bellowed out angry words with a not so thinly veiled threat inside them. “Do you know who I am?” He demanded amongst threats of death that I must answer his question and answer them right! As I looked up at his horribly disfigured face I stood there shirtless while he pounded on my hairless chest. The pain was nothing I ever experienced before. There was just no way I was going to survive this torture.
What is it that I did to you that made you angry? Is there anything I can do to make it up to you.? His booming voice knocked out my window shutters while spraying glass shrapnel wherever he wanted. “Do you know who I am? He demanded of me with a devastating blow to my head. I mustered enough courage to angrily mentally challenge him by sending a message to him via mental telepathy that demanded he leave at once while further venting at him I half screamed half cried to him something to the effect that although he may kill me no question of his would I answer. I was then thrown against walls while bouncing off of them like my old blue superball Stui used to do. And then he was gone. Was this a paranormal episode or is psychotic my new claim to fame?
Shockingly once again the was Sarah with her soft soothing voice. This time she would just stand there staring at my bruised body smile fade away except this time I hoped she would never return. “Joel, I heard her say from what sounded like from her voice was originating from the top of my fine Italian crafter dresser who was it you were fighting with?” She coldly told me to tell her the truth I did not know. “Joel you silly fool you were just fighting with your father and your son. How could you not know this? Joel tell me how you could not know this?” I looked down at my shellacked wooden floor crashed down headfirst but that was all I remembered. Please put me away. Please come get me steal my clothes from under me put the white jacket on me with my arms wrapped around drug me up so I can surely die. I wanted to die.
In the Spring those of us who reached a plateau were taken outside to sit on benches that had no backs to them so we could not make a makeshift noose. I would sit there gazing at nothing as that was the only consciousness Haldol would allow me to keep. Here and there I would clear my throat in time to spit green mucus on the floor or send streams of spit into the air. In the midst of my daily dose of disgustingness a sweet smelling soft skinned woman perched herself next to me as my “nurses” kept watchful eye on both of us. “They tell me your name is Joel. My name is Sarah and someday soon we will live a life of love as if we were two white turtle doves huddled together.”
Those words had little effect as I continued to spit green mucus the size of silly putty on the ground after which I would clear my throat while spewing wads of phlegm here there and everywhere. I did not care.
Each day Sarah would come to sit by me. On this day she was carrying a straw basket with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in them with a pint of milk. He would gracefull unwrap my sandwich put a linen napkin over my lap as she would tell me “I think you’ll like this. Try it. Just take one bite for me with a sip of milk.” I just wished she would go away and leave me the heck alone. Why is everybody trying to keep me alive when all I want to do is rot away like a dead fish left out in the heat of the Summer while my body is burnt to a crisp. Take my ashes and throw them in the garbage. That is what I want and why is it nobody can understand this or help me complete my mission.
Just like clockwork the next day Sarah was there except today she was wearing a flowered white dress with intricate designs all over it. She stuck out her finger whereupon a yellow butterfly with black spots on its wings came to rest on it. It stayed there for a few moments before it took to the sky. These visits were becoming pleasing but something about the name, Sarah made me squirm uncomfortably.
The day came my way when Sarah had them remove my cloak of confinement so that I may move my arms freely again. An ambulette pulled up in front of that decrepit depressing building as Sarah excitedly smiling put her finger over her lips as she would just say shhh. I am taking you home to live with me. Soon you will meet your new curly haired daughter who will sing songs for you while dancing ballet style. Her name was Ashley. She was young, sweet and kind with a contagious giggle. “ I bet I know your name,” she said with a devilish smile. “You are going to marry my mother and you will be my father. We will all live together for this much time.” “My brother wants to come here too. His name is Jaden but he is kind of mean sometimes but I know he will love you and you will love him.”
Sarah took a broken down shell of a man and turned him into a father. It no longer mattered if Joel had ever met her before. Joel’s curiosity along with his new found courage would soon get the better of him. Before he could utter a syllable Sarah raised her neatly polished middle finger placed it inexplicably over Joel’s mouth just as Joel shakily raised his shaky finger from his trembling hand and put it on Sarah’s lip-glossed lips as they both whispered shh.
In the house that started it all for Joel now became his nest for children to come live with him, Sarah, Ashley, Jaden plus a surprise. There were no shortages of chirping birds with of all thing a rooster outside their frosted window to wake them up in the morning to get the kids ready for the school bus that would soon arrive that was filled with other happy children. Those were the days of the lives of Joel and Sarah. As it was meant to be so it was.
You did not just finish reading a classic Aesop’s fables of for that matter, Margaret Wise Brown, Robert Munsch or even Dr. Suess. This was a story about an unlikely love story that ended as many love story’s do with a happy ending. In the middle of this, is a hidden message about taking stock of life and rebuilding after a crash.