As adults, we carry unseen weight that may have been picked up as a child. This can be our self-saboteur who prevents us from being productive, causes us to question our choices, and can be the catalyst for keeping us in an endless loop doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
My mentee, Elayne, is looking for guidance in dealing with the changes she wants to see happen in her life and a clearer picture of the paths she wants to follow. She is currently renewing her relationship with Christ and working on defining what direction she wants to be moving. Her goals over the next 3-5 years are to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit with more energy and enthusiasm. Elayne wants to work less or retire and improve upon her ability to find her voice for better articulation in conversation with others.
Our session began with Elayne sharing her most relevant challenge in commitment to her daily devotional, which is the foundation for her inner strength and connection with her dreams and desires. For as long as she can remember, Elayne has had difficulty staying focused on this task. We began to explore the “why” behind her struggle.
What she discovered is the meaning behind her commitment:
- Increase relationship with God
- Moving forward in life
- There is a calling for her, a life purpose
The block in her commitment to the devotional is also preventing her from completing other actions which would give her time for the things important to her. Elayne has been exerting energy “fighting” the resistance, taking away her strength to pursue those things that uplift and energize her.
An exercise we proceeded to engage in took Elayne back to childhood where she learned of a thought she has taken on for herself. The influence of this thought has caused deep emotional wounds creating disharmony in her adult life.
The statement creating her struggles was:
“I am not in the right frame of mind to do what I want to do; therefore, I procrastinate.”
The age this statement was solidified:
Person or people from whom she took on this thought:
A combination, mom and dad
Her heartbeat became racy, she felt stimulated in an excitable way leading to anxiety, sadness, discouraged, and disappointed
This exercise allowed Elayne to consciously be aware of how her belief system and desires were not matching. This belief was not her own, therefore, we worked to release it and replace it with what her current beliefs are.
She replaced the emotions with:
❇️ Happy, peaceful, contentment, joyful, and exuberance
❇️ Still, but comfortable
❇️ Learning to be present
(she felt the need to discover more about how the word contentment is affecting her and will be researching its meaning)
Once we completed this exercise, Elayne felt lighter and more energized. This was followed by her talking about the changes she wants to see happen. Now that she is no longer neutralizing her beliefs and desires, Elayne feels confident in her ability to follow through with her plans for commitment to her devotionals. This, in turn, will allow her to commit to other endeavors assisting her to reach her 3-5 year goals.
Changes Elayne wants to see happen:
1. She wants to be more comfortable with “me,” by having a better understanding of her real self, becoming truly authentic.
At this time, she does not feel authentic, not telling the full story for fear people will not receive it the way she intends. Elayne does not want others to take offense to what she says, staying silent rather than face the possible adverse reaction from others. She has not fully had a voice in her life, as she has been shut down a lot in conversations.
This makes her sad, feeling unappreciated, and not valued.
- She wants to develop the ability to explain herself and express herself authentically
Elayne gets stuck due to emotional attachment. She tries to find the words, gets frustrated from the inability to express herself, ultimately giving up. She wants to be heard and understood. This stops her from doing the things she really wants to do.
As the deeper “why” behind her procrastination began to surface, we looked at stepping stones for her to follow.
The first stone indicated “what now?”
The second stone gave her the nudge to keep walking forward.
The third stone allowed her to realize there are new things to experience, unchartered waters. She is now beginning to feel encouraged and has a deep inner knowing she will get to where she wants to go and is not afraid.
The fourth stone she began to gain a sense of appreciation for where she is and where she has come from. Her life experiences have made her who she is today. With this knowledge, she can embrace her authentic self and freely express in ways that will strengthen and enhance her resolve to fulfill her goals and desires.
The fifth and final stone started with a thought of going back to where she came from, but a part of her resisted this urge, wanting to move forward instead. All fears washed away, and she made it to the other side of the row of stepping stones.
By this stage of the session Elayne is feeling empowered, relieved, and “I can do it” attitude. She created some assignments to get started on this new path. Some she will hold herself accountable, others, we will work together for accountability.
Elayne shared some thoughts with me:
“Once I become healthier in mind, body, and spirit, my issues around retirement will go away. I enjoy working and because of this session, my perspective has changed. It is no longer important for me to retire.”
“My ah, ha moment was when I wrote the word worthless instead of worthiness. I never thought of myself as a procrastinator, but I can now see that in some things I am and since I don’t like the word, I am going to fix that!”
“I was a little apprehensive prior to the session because I was unsure what I would find out about myself. Once we started the session, you were very easy to talk to and I loved the exercise of putting the negative thinking into a bubble, then releasing them. It is so nice to not have things weighing me down so much. Thank you!”
“I found the experience to be very enlightening and empowering. I can’t wait until the next time!”
✅ Feeling Valued
✅ Having a Voice
✅ Expressing the Self
✅ Being Heard and Understood
✅ Feeling Worthy
Elayne had three takeaways:
- I have the ability to accomplish my goals, and the changes I want to see
- I don’t like the word procrastination and will stop procrastinating. I will focus on progress and forward movement
- Being able to release things is empowering. I do not want to hold onto anything that is not healthy for me. I am ready to really let go.
In conclusion, this session has set a new foundation for Elayne. One in which she will be able to use her self-empowerment for creating actionable steps for success. With less weight of the past, renewed thinking from the present and a positive outlook for the future, Elayne has the ability to achieve the results she desires.