A reality I’ve long accepted is that, for me, shadows are lengthening. I am truly running out of time. I’ve not learned a lot during my meandering on earth, but I do understand that life is a singular event, and if I’m to make a contribution to the great collective message board I must of necessity get after it and be shameless about sharing what I’ve discovered.
I was recently honored by a gathering of the most amazing people in the known universe, all deliberately engaged in calling attention to me around my 75th birthday. For whatever reason these amazing people seem to like me, and to accept the wisdom I try to impart, regardless of how crude or ill-conceived. They need no reason to celebrate; they do that by routine. Indeed, a shared goal at the Friendship Bench seems to be to replace hate with celebrate.
During my surprise party, I became aware of a strange sense of dis-ease, a discomfiting feeling from being singled out.
We may say we enjoy the limelight, and that being the center of attention feels good, enjoyable, and even proper at times. But, for me at least, and I suspect a lot of others, such focus brings with it a bit of self-conscious scrambling to say just the right and clever thing and to avoid disappointing the admiring crowd. My personal comfort zone is elevating other people, not waiting to be elevated by them.
I have learned that this attitude needs adjustment. Afterward, when the balloons deflated, confetti littered the floor, and the Zoom screen went dark I reflected on the honor I’d received, and how I’d handled it. It felt good to be called out in such a way, but it also reminded me that, despite the discomfort, accepting such accolades is entirely proper. Indeed, as difficult as it may be, accepting praise and recognition honors the givers equally with the takers. It’s called celebrating life, and I feel grateful to be able to do that.
Not too many years ago few people — men especially — had little hope of attaining 75 years, much less as an active planner and doer like myself. I’m truly grateful that I am 75, something I never imagined saying.
Showing gratitude is something many of us learn very late in life. Sensing its value comes even later. Later still comes the realization that being grateful grants agency to those who celebrate us.
So, here’s love, affection, and thanks to those who so recently recognized my completion of a 74th solar orbit. In all humility I will say that for those who believe in the forces of energy, and that like attracts like, by being my fully human self I’ve somehow attracted such energetic and engaging people. Thank you all for the recognition, and party on!
Such a well-written article and thoughts I’ve often had but never put into words. Thank you.
You’re welcome Debra, thank you for responding.
Having unfortunately been absent for your Zoom celebration, Byron, let me send accolades here – not the least for “being grateful grants agency to those who celebrate us.”
I sense a similar ambivalence with compliments; just saying Thank You and not minimizing can be difficult at times.
Birthdays are a situation in its own category, but I wonder if many of us have seen too many situations where people have received individual praise for something that really was not their own doing and certainly not their alone doing, accepted this with what seems like a slightly inflated ego – and we just don’t want to be like that person. And rather than risking being seen that way, we push away at any accolades coming our way.
Another element is whether we want to grant the right to judging us – even positively – to the other person.
I am happy that you overcame your discomfort with being celebrated and getting the attention and ended up enjoying it – and thank you for being open about the conflicting feelings it brought up along the way. It makes it easier for me to sit with mine next time, knowing that I am not alone in squirming a little.
Charlotte, thanks for the (typically) thoughtful response. It is difficult, especially when I really had nothing to do with the ‘birthing’ part of my birthday. I’m happy it allowed my dear friends the opportunity to send out positive vibes, and to show off the very generous people they truly are. I’m fortunate to be among them, you included.
And so it goes. When we elevate others, we elevate ourselves. Yet, when allow others to do for us, we give a gift they treasure for a lifetime. I’m proud to be the one who gets to honor you daily, sweet husband.
Thank you, my love. We fly pretty high, don’t we?
Wonderful 🙂
Thank you, Aditi, I appreciate you reading it.