Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Great lines by Viktor E. Frankl. But given a situation what response do we choose? Silence, Speech, or Shout? It’s our choice, isn’t it? Let’s reflect on each of these from different perspectives.
What To Choose?
A Perspective from Philosophy
Socrates, the renowned Greek philosopher, devised the ‘Triple Filter Test’ to make people think before they speak. The test applies three filters of Truthfulness, Goodness, and Usefulness of what we speak. If what we are going to say to others is not true and/or not good and/or not useful, better we don’t say it.
So, we learn what to speak. How do we learn to respond when others speak? Do we choose to be Silent? Respond? Or Shout?
Why do we Shout? Lack of Confidence.
A Perspective from Research
Research shows that we are overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard. So, we compensate by being loud. (Source) Shouting is a sign of weakness and intellectual Impotence. Don’t raise your voice, Improve the quality of your argument.
How do we improve argument? Do we practice listening? Are we sensible to others involved in the conversation? Do we practice holding back and learn to respond only when the time comes?
A smart person knows how to talk. A wise person knows when to be silent.
So, when to speak? ‘BE THE LAST ONE TO SPEAK’ (NELSON MANDELA)
Be the Last to Speak: One of the top qualities of a great leader.
Leadership expert Simon Sinek often speaks about this tactic as well saying, “You don’t agree or disagree or give away what you’re thinking- but rather, you take input, and you ask questions to better understand where their perspective comes from. At the end of it, not only do you make everyone else feel heard, but you also get the benefit of all their thinking.” (Source)
A true leader listens to everyone’s perspectives, reasons them out, synthesizes them, and enriches the conversation by speaking relevantly with wisdom.
“It is wise to persuade people to do things and make them think it was their idea.”
A Perspective from Neuroscience
According to Neuroscience, brain waves operate at 5 different levels: Gamma (30+ Hz), Beta (12 Hz to 30 Hz), Alpha (8 Hz to 12 Hz), Theta (4 Hz to 8 Hz), and Delta (Less than 4 Hz). Higher frequency brainwaves correspond to stress, being panic when the mind is racing, and lower frequency brain waves correspond to deep thinking, meditation, sleep, etc. (Source)
When someone loses their calm and speaks loudly or shouts, they are in a survival mode which causes unregulated higher frequency brainwaves that may lead to anxiety, depression, or stress, which takes a toll on their overall well-being.
Note: It does not mean brainwaves corresponding to higher frequencies are harmful, as properly regulated higher brainwaves result in heightened awareness, problem-solving etc.
A Perspective from Religion – Silence is a key component of every major religion.
Silence has been a common theme across all religions. One of the goals of religious practice is the attainment of internal peace. On a cosmic scale, getting in touch with stillness can help us get closer to a sense of the ultimate reality, that infinite knowledge repository that lies within us all. Many religions suggest that stillness and emptiness are the qualities that underlie all existence. (Source)
All the great wisdom traditions of the world have arrived at the same conclusion: to reconnect with who you really are as a person and to come to know the glory that rests within you, you must find the time to be silent on a regular basis. (Learn to Be Silent: WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE – ROBIN SHARMA)
Ecclesiastes 9:17-18, Bhagavad Gita: Chapter 17, Verse 16, Understand the Quran, Taoism
Final thoughts to ponder: Slow Down, Involve, Feel, Heal, Evolve
Any unregulated, unthoughtful, unauthentic, untimely, incompetent, irrelevant, ignorant, opinionated, distasteful speech (or behaviours) results in resentment, guilt, or repentance later.
Do we speak relevantly, dispassionately?
Do we validate the purposiveness of what we speak?
Do we speak precisely, concisely & crisply?
Do we have the awareness, understanding, and conviction of what we speak?
Do we consider the sensibilities of what’s being heard or what’s being spoken?
Do we assume the authenticity, intellect, and credibility of what we speak?
If we can’t elevate the energies around, and uplift the spirits prevailing with what we speak; we only indulge in noise, contamination of energy to the environment, and also an abomination to our spirit.
“Be silent or let thy words be worth more than silence.” — Pythagoras
Silence is serene & beautiful. Our speech with Essence, Eloquence, and Elegance should make a Great Experience that transcends Silence to it’s next!
PS: The impact of music is not only because of the sounds but also because of the silence interspersed between sounds: without the balance of sound and silence, there would be no music as we know it.
