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A Backpack is Enough: How I changed my ideas about the “American Dream”

Reading Karthik Rajan’s recent personal story on limitations reminded me of a story I wrote several years ago about when my version of the American Dream changed irrevocably.

Like many here, I grew up in a time when bigger was seen as better. Cars were behemoths, stretching for city blocks, or so they looked to my young eyes.

City buildings were so tall it was hard to see their tops! Other buildings took up entire city blocks; it seemed like hours to get from one side to the other.

OK, so I’m exaggerating a little bit, but you know what I mean. Big things — no matter what they were — were desirable; they seemed to say that the owners had “made it.”

“Big” Memories

In my family, there were a couple of uncles who actually “made it big,” and they lived the part. I clearly remember being 7 or 8 years old and visiting a cousin in a nearby town. His family’s house had TWO staircases, one for the grand entrance, and the other off the kitchen for either servants or the kids. I remember running up and down both staircases and being amazed and impressed that there were TWO! No one else I knew had two.

And there were a lot of huge rooms. It seemed like a very desirable way to live (TWO staircases?), especially to an impressionable young kid. Those houses and the memory of the staircases are seared into my memory; they influenced my younger years of wanting and wanting and wanting . . .

big

bigger

BIGGEST

I never did acquire such a grand house; as an adult, I became sadly aware of mortgage payments and all those costs associated with homes that grew as the house size did (insurance, maintenance, utilities). I scaled back my wants and needs, but the yearning didn’t quite stop. I was happy, but maybe not as content as I could have been.

The Epiphany

Several years ago, I came home from a business trip to my 2,200 s.f. house (cathedral ceilings, skylights, three levels on an acre) that I lived in by myself, looked around at the gardens I had lovingly created (which were my pride and joy), and realized something.

I was done with big.

So, I sold my house and moved to a slightly smaller condo in the same town. Now I had “only” 1,500 s.f. to work with on three floors, and no yard to maintain.

In short order, I realized that even 1,500 s.f. was way too much for one person; I had an entire level that I used because it was there, but I didn’t need it. I began to think about moving again. But to what? Where?

Lucky for me, the “Tiny House Movement” had started gaining a lot of attention (TV shows/ magazine articles/stories); the information was everywhere! Those living in really small spaces gave me the courage to realize MY American dream, which was to live in a small space that would give me freedom from high costs, freedom from a huge yard to maintain, and freedom to live a simpler and better life.

Double lucky was my finding (with my realtor, Lori Rudd) a small village on a bay right near Cape Cod, Mass., with 270 tiny homes, many for sale. Although the lower-cost ones needed to be updated, they were right on the bay! The village is quirky and fun, and it fits me perfectly.

The CHANGE

The weekend of May 1, 2015, I moved (with my two small dogs and one cat) to my tiny cottage in that village — and I now live happily in 525 s.f. (which is approximately the size of one floor of my previous condo).

I have a direct bay view from my sun porch as you can see above, and it’s a 30-second walk to put my feet in the sand on the beach. I walk around the village’s 25 acres with my dogs, smell the ocean air, and marvel at the luck that brought me there and the courage I found to make such a drastic change.

The best part is that I am totally content living here. It’s peaceful (except in mid-summer, when many rent out their homes for a few weeks), it’s different, and it speaks a language I finally understand:

Bigger is not necessarily better.
Lessons Learned

1. I now know the difference between “wants” and “needs” for myself. It’s a true relief to not yearn for things that don’t matter, and that won’t make me any happier than I am.

2. I understand what drives me. I understand how my background still influences me today — for better or worse. I don’t live with (much) regret, preferring to live in the now and make it the best possible time.

3. My past is not my future. I cannot rewrite my history, but it no longer sways my judgment, at least not in terms of wants and needs. I am grateful to be able to make decisions for myself, and I work hard to make sure those decisions are right for me now — without letting those memories rule me.

What’s in YOUR backpack?
Susan Rooks
Susan Rookshttps://grammargoddess.com/
With nearly 30 years’ experience as an international workshop leader, Susan Rooks is uniquely positioned to help people master the communication skills they need to succeed. In 1995, Susan formed Grammar Goddess Communication, creating and leading workshops in three main areas – American grammar, business writing, and interpersonal skills – to help business pros enhance their communication skills. She also leads one-hour LinkedIn workshops (Master the LinkedIn Profile Basics) via Zoom to help business pros anywhere maximize their LinkedIn experience, offering it to Chambers of Commerce and other civic organizations free of charge. As an editor, Susan has worked on business blogs, award-winning children’s books, best-selling business books, website content, and even corporate annual reports (with clients from half a dozen countries), ensuring that all material is professionally presented.

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8 CONVERSATIONS

  1. I do get (and clearly enjoy) the message, although it is hard, as someone living in Europe, to consider a 525 s.f. as “tiny”. In France, this would be considered a good size for a single person home and in Paris, 525 s.f. all for yourself would be considered luxury.
    I am trying to apply your lessons to my own life, but it isn’t easy when you leave with people who have not yet had their “ha!” moment.
    Also, I am still guilty of “hoardering” ( as in “ordering massively and stacking until the expiry date is past and I have not consumed the good”), so I am trying to shift this towards “goods” that require instant “use” and are sustainable (i.e. bee friendly organic plants and small trees: after digging manually 50+ large holes in my small garden last week-end in an unfriendly and rocks filled soil, I can assure you I’m not going to order any additional plant before at least next spring!).

    Thank you for the reminder, Susan 🙂

    • Hi, Sara, and I get what you’re saying 100%! The U.S. is famous for having huge homes, which is some cases could have five or six families from other regions living in them without anyone ever even meeting.

      For anyone, my only lesson is that we need to decide for ourselves what’s right for us. Wants and needs so often get confused…and I have friends who regularly tell me they HAVE to have that latest bracelet / car / jacket / pair of shoes … and it’s an endless search for the next one. They barely have time to enjoy the one they just bought before they’re off on the search for the next one.

      That’s the part that saddens me because they don’t seem to get pleasure out of the items or the search.

      Thanks for sharing your story here, Sara, and please realize that your journey is yours to make. My only wish would be for you to be happy with your choices!

  2. I just love this one so much, Susan! “It’s a true relief to not yearn for things that don’t matter, and that won’t make me any happier than I am.” What a wonderful message and reminder to focus on what is really important and not get lost in all of the “accessories” of life!

  3. Susan, I love your article. I hope you realize how enjoyable it was to read not to mention how much sense you make. Many years ago when I was working in the mortgage business I was earning close to $2,000 per week. With that, my family and I moved into this oversized house (three bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, living room, dining, room, eat-in kitchen, and a huge yard. Things got bad and we were “invited” (aka evicted) to leave. We were then cramped into a tiny two-bedroom apartment that was on top of a synagogue. As it is just myself and my wife now (when we had the big house it was my wife, myself, my son, one dog, and one cat) Now we live in a one-bedroom apartment which is just big enough for the two of us plus our furry daughter. There is no need (never was) for all that room with all the expenses with it. This is an old apartment with a nice landlord who seems to be allergic to fixing things. But there is a backyard where the birds come to visit. Feeding them (some even come up to back door and knock on it with their beaks) birds have given me something all that money could not. No need for a car as we have buses and subways right here so that is another expense eliminated. But New York being amongst the highest in the country we are paying close to $1100 per month plus gas, electricity, and heat. All this aside Susan you are teaching people a very important lesson.

  4. Appreciate your wisdom here – and your view! Oy….

    Humans, I think, have a desire to fill space. If we buy a home larger than we really need, we fill it with items we don’t really need. If we discover a break in our daily schedule, we fill it with some mindless activity instead of emptying our head with mindful contemplation. If we engage in a conversation, and there is a pause, we inevitably feel the need to fill it with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

    You unburdened yourself of carrying all that stuff around with you. Now you take pleasure knowing that less is more and that little in life measures up to having a dog and or a cat.

  5. Susan, thanks for publishing this. For about a year I’ve been thinking I want to move to a cabin in the woods and live off the grid…well except for internet 😀 I, too, realize I have too much stuff and too much space. Maybe I’ll start looking for a local tiny house community.

    • Thank you, Michael! I’m not sure it would have been such an easy transition if I hadn’t moved from the biggish house to that condo … that freed me from agonizing, because I could still take a lot of my stuff with me. But this little cottage — all 525 s.f. of it (a tiny bit smaller than the standard two-car garage) — is perfect for me. High peaked ceilings, and a 7×12 sun porch that was added previously that I rehabbed by taking off the cottage’s back wall and incorporating the porch into the square footage.

      Living here I learned that the sea view is sacred; nothing can be built if it blocks anyone else’s view. Thank goodness the porch was already on the house because it really makes it special!

      And as I’m old enough to be retired — although I have NO plans to ever do so — I’m grateful for the low expenses (no mortgage) and easy spaces to clean.

      I recommend at least the idea to anyone, even if the word small might mean something different …

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