You might think that forgiving someone is the same as letting them off the hook and that what they did is now ok. That is not the case at all. You might also think that now that everything is forgiven, you will have to be friends with them again, or interact with them even. No, that is not at all what this is about.
Forgiveness is not about validating any action or situation. It is not about making anything ok. This is the act of self-freedom and no longer owning the situation. You are no longer allowing it to hurt you. Trust might be broken and relationships might be over, and that is perfectly ok. Forgiveness is your gift to you, and your doorway to moving on.
Acceptance of life as it is holds a great key to this inner work of healing. Let go of the “why me” and the” but it was not fair”. It happened, and it does not have to be fair to be forgiven. Again, this is not about the act or the other person, nor is it about validating or justifying. This is solely about you loving yourself enough to not let any past event stop you from living the life that you deserve. Accept and acknowledge everything about it, about the person and the event. This will make you acknowledge that it actually needs to be forgiven.
The 6 simple steps to forgiveness:
- Commit to moving on: Realize that YOU are the only one that has the power to move forward, and your future is in YOUR hands. Once you realize that any situation or action from someone else is not yours to carry, you can decide not to. Your commitment to yourself and your own happiness will set you free.
- Be willing to let it all go: Yes, be willing, and be ready. Work through any resistance of letting the past go. Sometimes we are not willing to let it go, as we see it as letting a person off the hook. That is never the case. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. It is about YOU not letting anyone or anything take the lead role in your life. Take back your power.
- Accept that it happened: It did, and that is what cannot be changed. It does not matter what it was, it is done. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. Accepting is not the same as denying, it is taking ownership and responsibility for our own health and life. You are simply calling forth what is not of you, or your business to carry around.
- Be patient: Let it take the time that it takes. Be kind to yourself and work on forgiveness every single day. It will get easier, and you will set yourself free. Allow yourself the process, yet be focused and determined. How long do you want and need to suffer?
- Be in the present moment: Do not let the past OR the future hold you in their grip. Time is an illusion, and can often trick us into believing that the past has any bearing on the now moment. It can only have so if we let it. It only exists in our mind, and so does the future. The NOW moment is all that is, and it does not have to include anything you do not see beneficial to YOU.
- Love yourself: This is the most important key, as most often we also have to forgive ourselves. Self-love is the catalyst of compassion, gratitude, and forgiveness. We all need to look within and forgive ourselves first. By the simple act of loving ourselves, we are opening the floodgate for the compassion that is needed for forgiveness. You did your best with what you had at the moment, although looking back you might have chosen to do things differently. We all know that one, you are not alone – it is called life. It’s the same learning path for all of us. Love yourself by forgiving yourself for everything, right now.
Holding on to any kind of resentment has consequences for our health, and it is never worth it. Increased inner peace, happiness, and calmness are what every cell in our body will experience once we allow ourselves to move on and beyond.
Set some time to be with your inner emotions, and let any person that will need your forgiveness come forth. Find a pen and paper, and write down any situation or person that you feel have hurt you or done you wrong in any way at all. Look at each situation and feel it in your heart if you have forgiven them. If not, here are a few exercises that will help you during this process.
Cutting the cord exercise:
Sit or lay down in a comfortable position where you know that you will not be disturbed. Look at your notes and decide who you want to forgive. You can repeat this exercise as many times as you like until you have forgiven them all. You do not have to do this all at once, so start slow. It is perfectly okay to do the process on one person at the time. Some situations are harder than others to let go of. We are not focusing on the situations but the person in this exercise. When you are ready, close your eyes and relax your entire body.
- Take a deep breath while you count to four. Hold it for four, and release on the count of four. Repeat four times.
- With your inner eye, visualize the person you want to forgive. You are standing right in front of him or her.
- Once you look closer, you will see that you are connected by cords/wires that bind you together. They run from stomach to stomach, heart to heart, head to head and so on.
- The cords might be thick or thin, made of steel or hemp. They might be short or long, many or few. Take a good look.
- Now you are going to cut those cords. Watch them being cut. Some might give in easily, but some might need some more help. I have seen cords that are of metal and will need some extensive work to cut through. If you hit a cord that seemingly doesn’t give in, don’t worry about it. You will get it next time. Most of the time, they cave easily.
- When the cords are cut, look the person in the eye and say with your inner voice; “I forgive you, as I forgive myself. I let you go in love and I wish you well.”
- See a white light opening over the now forgiven person and watch him or her be embraced by this light. Let them go and watch them dissolve into the light.
- You have set yourself free and do no longer have any attachment to them. Repeat until you see no more cords between you and those you have chosen to let go of.
Work on forgiving through gratitude and self love .