Reflections on Having Our Needs Met

I have been seeing my resistance to asking to have my needs met recently. I notice that sometimes I don’t ask for what I need for, for fear of rejection…for fear of the other saying ‘no’. And that somehow if they were to say ‘no’ I would somehow be less, I would be worse off than if I had kept my mouth closed. But I also know that this is not true.

Whenever we ask for what we need we are honouring our selves and this equates to self-love. This, in turn, helps to heal and integrate the disconnected aspects of ourselves, the separation that has happened inside us from our experiences as children. When we ask we do so with as little attachment to the outcome as possible, knowing that the fact that we have had the courage to speak or ask is the most important thing and this alone has healed something inside us.

It’s okay to be needy because actually neediness connects us. It is encoded in our humanity that we need others. It facilitates connection and interdependence which is an aspect of all creation and all that is in alignment with the natural laws.

Somewhere along the line, we learnt that it is weak to be needy, to ask for help, to not be able to do it all on our own. But I say that it takes courage and strength and vulnerability to reach out and ask for help and say ‘hey! I can’t do this on my own!’

We were not meant to do this on our own!!  No man is an island. If you took the plug out of the ocean and drained all the water away you would see that everything is connected. Islands are an illusion of separation.

And when we ask to have our needs met by another we serve them in many ways too. They get the honour of being the one to serve you, to help someone that they care about. When you are asked for help, doesn’t it invariably feel good? YES? Because being there for others brings us back in alignment with our true nature of Love.

Nothing is absolute and there are also times when we need to meet our own needs, to go within and see if what we crave externally is something that we need to source from deep within ourselves. And also there are some people who need to hear our ‘No’ if we feel that they would do well to start taking some responsibility.

Sometimes the strong thing is not to stay in your corner of the forest and expect others to know what you need or do it all alone. Sometimes the strong thing is to ask for help, to ask for what you need. Let’s celebrate our neediness and remember it is another divine aspect of this amazing, rich, bittersweet experience of being human.

We were born to meet each other’s needs. In meeting another’s needs we meet our own for in truth there really is no ‘other’, there is Only One.

Miguel Dean
Miguel Dean
Miguel Dean is the author of ‘Bring Him Home: A Twin Flame Love Story’ which is his true story of a twin flame love affair with an extraordinary woman. Miguel was born in Colchester, England and his life’s mission in service and love of the Divine Feminine was catalysed at seven months old when he lost his mother to cancer. As a result of other challenges in his early life, as a young man, Miguel spiraled down into a shadowy world of violence, petty crime, addiction, and homelessness. It was the love of his newborn son that inspired him to begin to face his demons and take responsibility. For the last twenty-two years as an author, speaker, and catalyst, he has been immersed in the ‘twin paths’ of healing and transformation which can be summarized as an inner journey to heal his own wounds, facilitated and complemented by his service to others and passion for spiritually rooted social change.


  1. Love this Miguel. I believe the neediness is not so much a need to be connected as it is to realize that we are. “We cannot long for that which we have not experienced.” from The Key to LIFE; living in full expression.

    Loved the sentence about staying in our corner of the forest expecting others to know what we need. The image for me, which I believe you intended, was each tree in the forest being representative of each human standing independantly yet being intertwined beneath the surface with our roots supporting, nourishing and helping each other tree stand tall despite the storms of life we each encounter.

    Keep up the great work Miguel…Blessings.

    • Thank you Larry. I like your tree image. My metaphor actually comes from Winnie The Pooh and Eyore is the one who hangs out in his corner of the forest all alone and then wonders why he does not feel connected! 😉

  2. Great article. I was taught that life provides us the tool we need to have a safe and productive journey. I never really asked for help, didn’t ever feel like I didn’t have an answer or solution. I love helping and am very involved in the community and with Dog rescue groups. Maybe by helping I am being helped. Thank you for sharing

  3. All my young life I was the quintessential Lone Ranger, doing my own things and never asking for help, Miguel. As an adopted child with a mother who was 180 degrees different from me, I learned early that my wants and needs weren’t right or correct … her ways and mine were almost always at odds, so I also learned not to ask for much.

    Fast-forward about 50 years, and it began to dawn on me that yes, it was perfectly OK to ask for something, and yes, others seemed happy to help! Mostly, anyway. Enough that very slowly I figured out that they got a lot of pleasure helping … much as I did and still do when I can help them.

    The Lone Ranger no longer felt like the village idiot; she began to see the value in the idea of being a part of a village after all.

    You’re so right: we weren’t meant to do everything alone. We evolved and survived by working in groups.

    Great reminder of that, and thanks!






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